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Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Happy Merdeka! To celebrate 57 years of independence, I am sharing this post to remind us that along the nation-building journey, some have developed characteristic forms of truly Malaysian English. :-) Thanks to A.S. for sharing this list.
Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.
British English vs. Malaysian English
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who call?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kiew me.
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No need lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah.
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
Malaysians: Die lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?
WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.
Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians: Celaka you!
So which would you prefer? :-)
Have a wonderful Merdeka Day!
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish" (one of my favorites), or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the wretched crop:
..... Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
Thanks to Angela who shared this list. Have a great day!
Here's a bit of British humor I am posting with much gratitude to SK who shared this with me. Have a nice day!
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
Thanks to SKT who sent me the following joke which I am sharing just for laughs.
A secretary got a very nice and expensive pen as a gift from her boss.
She sent him a 'Thank you note by email'.
The Boss' wife read the mail and filed a divorce in court.
The mail says: 'Your pen*s wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow,
and firm strokes. Initially its tip had to be licked to bring it to working order and it is equally good on
both sides. I loved its perfect feel, size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it. I've always
desired for it and you have now fulfilled my wish. At last it is mine and mine forever. Thanks a lot."
What she meant to write was Your pen is wonderful.
Moral: Spacing is an extremely essential part in English. And so is personal spell-checking for typing errors.
Ah Chai and his wife go visit a marriage counselor.
Initially, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.
The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?"
The wife replies, "It's my husband, he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave
him if he continues!"
"How does he drive you crazy?"
"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."
The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"
"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public !"
"Hmm, anything else?"
The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"
"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now."
So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters.
The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy and she
might even leave you."
The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years, I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be her problem?"
The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're
always acting strange in public, looking at the floor and never going near anyone else.
" Ah Chai looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said."
"What did he say?"
"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"
The counselor looks amused and says,"Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."
The husband looks sheepish, "Oh.That's what he meant. Okay."
The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public." "Well, it’s another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."
The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity."
"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.
"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your
lovemaking."
"This," says the husband seriously,"is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing."
"What did he say?"
Ah Chai replies: "In his dying breath, he said. "Son, don't f**k up!"
-Author Unknown-
*Thanks to SK who shared this joke which I am posting for laughs.
Enjoy the following post from SKT....
No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best
linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.
His final challenge was this: "Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand."
Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.
Is it argh?
Or do you prefer aargh?
Some say aaargh or aaaargh or aaarrgh but I love aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh best of all!
Aargh , an exclamation or a scream in written form can be an ironic cry or an expression of humorous frustration and usually used in the written rather than the verbal form. Aaaaaaaaaargh is more dramatic because of the added 'a' letters.
Whatever the case, there are probably too many variants of Aargh which are flourishing in its various forms due to the proliferation of the use of emails, online communication and social media.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, aargh is an exclamation used as an expression of anguish, horror, rage, or other strong emotion, often with humorous intent: Now they’re talking about putting up taxes—aargh! Apparently, it originated in the late 18th century: lengthened form of ah, expressing a prolonged cry
It seems as though the longer the version, then the longer the scream of the writer, the deeper the frustration. In fact, I use it quite often when I am alone. Somehow, it assuages the pain and frustration when I scream arrrrrrrgh aloud. There is this unexplainable sense of relief and frustration after I expel a loud Aaaaaaaarrrrggggghhhh!!
In fact, aargh is a very peculiar and unusual word because it is probably the only word that offers us amazing versatility.
Did you know that its spelling varies most commonly in the number of 'A's, and to a lesser extent in the number of 'R's? Strangely, repetition of 'G's and 'H's is less common. Perhaps it is because A and R are more vocal and by the time it comes to G and H, the effect desired has already been attained so the person writing it or screaming Aaarrrgh is tired already :-), I know, it is a silly explanation but what the heck? :-)
There have been many types of Aarggh in movies and TV series. Have you ever heard of the Wilhelm Scream?
Check out THIS LINK to listen to it.
According to Wikipedia:
The Wilhelm scream is a film and television stock sound effect that has been used in more than 200 movies, beginning in 1951 for the film Distant Drums. The scream is often used when someone is shot, falls from a great height, or is thrown from an explosion.
Apparently voiced by actor and singer Sheb Wooley, the sound is named after Private Wilhelm, a character in The Charge at Feather River, a 1953 western in which the character is shot with an arrow. This was believed to be the third movie to use the sound effect and its first use from the Warner Bros. stock sound library.
The effect gained new popularity (its use often becoming an in-joke) after it was used in Star Wars, the Indiana Jones series, Disney cartoons and many other blockbuster films as well as television programs and video games.I guess there is no word that can express frustration as much as Aaargh
It appears that when written in capitals, AAAAAARRRRGH - the expression is at a louder volume hence it is a very flexible and somewhat instinctual expression.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh clearly has a touch more desperation than Aaarrgh. The use of Aaaaargh is definitely increasing in the 21st century, and in different ways much like the 'Duh' made famous by Homer Simpson.
Interestingly, there are 2, 410, 000 entries if you Google for Aargh and there is even a board game named Aargh!
So the next time you want to say Aargh in frustration or for whatever reason, think for a moment about the many variations and choose the one that best fits your mood and feelings!
Have a lovely evening!
jackanapes: a rapscallion or hooligan.
kerfuffle: an uproar, mild scandal.
klutz: an awkward or socially-inept person.
la-di-da: an interjection indicating that something is pretentious.
lagomorph: a gnawing mammal having two pairs of incisors in the upper jaw one behind the other; hares, rabbits, and pikkas.
lickety-split: as fast as possible.
lickspittle: a servile person, a toady, a yes-person
logorrhea: suffering from loquaciousness, talkativeness.
lollygag: to move slowly, to saunter, or to fall behind.
malarkey: balderdash, nonsense
maverick: a loner, someone who thinks outside the box.
mollycoddle: to treat too leniently.
mugwump: an independent politician who does not follow any party.
mumpsimus: an outdated and unreasonable position on an issue.
namby-pamby: weak, descriptive of a person with no backbone.
nincompoop: a foolish person.
omphaloskepsis: contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation.
oocephalus: an egghead; a person or animal with an egg-like head.
pandiculation: a full body stretch.
Panjandrum: a Grand Pooh-Bah, a High-Muck-A-Muck, someone who thinks himself high and mighty.
pettifogger: a person who tries to befuddle others with his speech; pejorative term for a lawyer
pogonip: dense winter fog, sea ice fog
pratfall: a fall on one's posterior.
Quean: a buxom babe, a lady of the night; a disreputable woman
rambunctious: aggressive, hard to control.
ranivorous: frog-eating
rigmarole: nonsense, red-tape, unnecessary complexity.
shenanigan: a prank, mischief.
sialoquent: spitting while speaking.
skedaddle: to hurry somewhere.
skullduggery: up to no good, underhanded dealing.
slangwhanger: a loud abusive speaker or obnoxious writer.
smellfungus: a perpetual pessimist.
snickersnee: a long knife.
snollygoster: a person who can't be trusted.
Snool: a servile person.
gaberlunzie: a wandering beggar.
Gardyloo! a warning shouted before throwing waste water from above.
gastromancy: telling fortune from rumbling noises heard in the stomach.
gazump: to buy something already promised to someone else.
gobbledygook: balderdash, nonsense.
gobemouche: a highly gullible person.
godwottery: bunkum, hooey, utter nonsense
gongoozle: to stare at, or to kibitz.
gonzo: bizarre, far-out, freewheeling
goombah: an older friend who protects you.
hemidemisemiquaver: a musical timing of 1/64.
hobbledehoy: an awkward or ill-mannered young boy.
hocus-pocus: deceitful sleight of hand.
hoosegow: a jail or a prison.
hootenanny: a country or folk music get-together.
discombobulate: to confuse.
donnybrook: a fight, a melee, a riot.
doozy: something really great or out of this world.
dudgeon: a bad mood, a huff.
ecdysiast: an exotic dancer, a stripper.
eructation: expelled gas, a burp or belch.
fard: face-paint, makeup.
fartlek: an athletic training regime.
fatuous: deceptive, unconsciously foolish.
filibuster: refusal to give up the floor in a debate to prevent a vote.
firkin: a quarter barrel or small cask.
flibbertigibbet: balderdash, hogwash, nonsense
flummox: to exasperate.
folderol: nonsense, something that wastes one's time
formication: the sense of ants crawling on one's skin.
fuddy-duddy: an old-fashioned, mild-mannered person.
furbelow: a fringe or ruffle.
furphy: a portable water-container.
Part 1 of this post was posted HERE.
To be continued....:-)
abibliophobia: the fear of running out of reading material.
absquatulate: to leave or abscond with something.
allegator: one who alleges something.
anencephalous: lacking a brain.
argle-bargle: a loud row or quarrel.
batrachomyomachy: making a mountain out of a molehill.
billingsgate: lud, raucous profanity.
bloviate: to speak pompously or to brag.
blunderbuss: a gun with a flared muzzle or a disorganized form of activity.
borborygm: a rumbling noise in the stomach.
boustrophedon: a back and forth pattern.
bowyang: a strap that holds the pants legs in place.
brouhaha: an uproar.
bumbershoot: slang term for an umbrella.
callipygian: having an attractive posterior or nice pair of tight buns.
callithump: a noisy boisterous parade; a noisy mock serenade (made by banging pans and kettles) to a newly married couple
canoodle: to hug and kiss.
cantankerous: testy, grumpy, ill-tempered
catercornered: diagonal(ly).
collywobbles: butterflies in the stomach.
comeuppance: just reward, just desserts, something that one deserves.
crapulence: discomfort from eating or drinking to excess.
crudivore:: one who eats raw food.
cockalorum a vertically-challenged, haughty male.
cockamamie: absurd, foolish, outlandish.
codswallop: balderdash, drivel, gibberishness, nonsense.
collop: a slice of meat or a fold of flesh/flab.
To be continued....
Do leave a response. It would be great to hear from readers. Thanks!
