masterwordsmith-unplugged

1) Say it with Flower

Jeremy visited a florist's shop which showed a large sign that read, 'Say It With Flowers.'

'Wrap up one rose, please' Jeremy demanded of the florist's assistant.

'Only one?' she enquired frowning.

'Ah yes just the one', Jeremy replied. 'I'm a man of very few words.'

1a) American Valentine Cynics

Market researchers deduced from their survey that eight million Americans send Valentine's Day gifts to themselves. Perhaps they feel lonely, maybe unloved, but at least they get something nice.

2) Can We Come Back Tomorrow?

A couple were having marital problems. They decided together to do the right thing and they contacted a marriage guidance counsellor.

Several visits followed when lots of questions were asked and lots of listening carried out. Eventually the the counsellor felt that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the women and asking her to stand up he gave her a huge cuddle.

He turned to the husband man and said, 'This is what your wife needs, at least once every day.'

The husband frowned, considered what had been said for a moment, then replied, 'Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?'

3) Romance at the Brentford 'Bees'.

Martin Allen is Manager of Brentford Football Club, who play in the Coca-Cola Football League Division One. Allen used his programme notes to inform his wife of the significance of the 'Bees' date with top-of-the-table Southend 'Blues' on February 14.

He said, 'I'm taking her to the theatre to see a new show. It will be passionate, it will be fiery and there could be some blood spilled. The performance that night will start at 7.45pm.

'This will be followed by a greasy kebab at 11 o' clock down on the A4. Pure romance.'

As reported by the Valentine's day cynics at The Guardian.

4) Who says Romance is Dead?

Will and Guy know a man who regularly takes his wife to his darts match to celebrate her birthday each year. We will avoid using names here to protect this dart player extraordinaire.

5) It's a Hot Date for Couples

A special ring that heats up to remind husbands and wives of wedding anniversaries has been created. Makers of the ring, which heats up from hand temperature to 115F-120F in a 10-second burst on the day before the anniversary, said it could put an end to rows over forgotten dates reports the Scotsman.

The Remember Ring, which is currently a concept product not yet in stock at Goldsmith Gallery, Sitka, south east Alaska, will eventually sell for around $700 to $850. Inventor Cleve Oines, 26, is currently working on a prototype of the ring, which should be available in 2007.

6) Falling Out of Love

A Russian man divorced his wife of 18 years after finding she had been feeding him cheap pumpkins instead of courgettes. Ivan Dimitrov, 47, was devastated to find the pies he had been eating for six months were made of pumpkins and not courgettes. Mr Dimitrov, from Voronezh, said when he realised the truth, after finding pumpkin rinds in the bin, he immediately hired a lawyer to organise a quick divorce from wife Irena, 38. He said, "She knows I absolutely hate pumpkins and she lied to me for months about it just because the pumpkins were cheap. What else has she been lying about?

What man could trust a woman who fed him pumpkins for half a year?"

6a) More grounds for incompatibility?

A Romanian pensioner asked for a divorce after only eight months when his wife's cat ate his two pet parrots. Sandu B, 67, from Focsani, wants to divorce his wife, who is 20 years younger than him on ground of incompatibility.

7a) Spirit of Valentine's Day Dies

A 43-year-old German decided on February 14th to settle his imminent divorce by chain sawing a family home in two and making off with his half in a forklift truck. Police in the eastern town of Sonneberg said the trained mason measured the single-storey summer house - which was some 8 metres long and 6 metres wide - before chain sawing through the wooden roof and walls.

'The man said he was just taking his due,' a police spokesman told the New Zealand Herald. 'But I don't think his wife was too pleased.'

After finishing the job, the man picked up his half with the forklift truck and drove to his brother's house where he has since been staying.

7b) One of the Best, or the Worst, Examples of Cynical Valentines

Daily Mirror, UK.

8) Saudi's Ban Red Roses on St Valentine's Day

Religious police in Saudi Arabia's have banned red roses for St Valentine's Day. The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice has ordered florists Riyadh to remove any items coloured scarlet, which symbolizes love.

One report said: 'The religious police visited us last night. It is not unusual for the authorities to clamp down ahead of Valentine's Day, which it sees as encouraging relations between men and women outside of wedlock.

It is to be remembered that Sunni Islam prevents unrelated men and women from mixing. It also bans women from driving and demands that they wear a headscarf and a cloak. Relations outside marriage are punishable by law.

9) Chinese Skeptics

Using phrases such as 'foxy lady', 'handsome guy' and 'moneybags' in marriage adverts has been banned in part of China, in a campaign to stamp out fraud.

The edict against 'seductive' words by officials in Zhengzhou in Henan province follows complaints from customers who felt cheated by some adverts placed by marriage brokers.

From October 2007 all the descriptions must be approved by the city government.

10) Chinese Roo Tattoo

The official story

Joanne Raine has had her boyfriend's nickname 'Roo' tattooed on her stomach; it was supposed to be a sign of her undying love. The 19-year-old from Darlington, UK paid £80 [$ 156 USD]for the Chinese artwork and was delighted with the results. That was until she displayed the tattoo in a Chinese takeaway, locals said that it it actually spelled the word 'supermarket.'

The pair have now split up, but Miss Raine said she will keep the tattoo because she cannot afford a new one.

The tattoo story according to Will and Guy's friend Professor Lin

'What I think happened', says Prof Lin, 'is that Joanne asked for Roo and picked the three letters, 'R', 'O' and 'o' from the tattooist's alphabetical chart'. The professor has kindly highlighted the three symbols in question.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! I hope you will enjoy these jokes :-)!!!

A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'

'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'

Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

My One And Only

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'.'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you.

Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed', guess who' ?
A: A divorce lawyer.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they had an apple.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
Knock, Knock,
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
A: You get buttered up.

Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope.

Be My Valentine

It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date. They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand. Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.

Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted', Okay, who's got the remote control?'

How long have you been married?

When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.

'The first ten years are the hardest.'

'How long have you been married?' she asked.

'Ten years', he replied.

Love is Blind?

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.'

The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'

Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.'

There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'

Don't make a fuss about Valentine's Day

Background

My dearest wife is always going on and on and ON about NOT making a fuss over her on Valentine's Day. She repeats that it's the thought that counts.

Well, I put a lot of thought into the gifts from previous February 14ths but she didn't quite take to any of them like I assumed she would. Here's my list – see what you think:

• Brand new mop and bucket.
  I was thinking it would be fun to see what colour the floor was because I couldn't remember.
• Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant.
  I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.
• Chocolates left-over from last year's candy box.
  I was thinking of how proud she'd be of me for not wasting food. She's been nagging me for years to recycle.
• Midnight moped ride through the park.
  I was thinking that I'm getting too old to be peddling on the bike.
• Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. One of my favourites this -
  I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.
• 45 second back massage.
  I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else.
• Windows Vista
  I was thinking how proud she would be to be part of a technology crowd.
  

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes.

When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard.

His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital.

He died.

The mother was stunned! She was terrified how she was going to face her husband.


When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

QUESTIONS:

1. What were the five words?
2. What is the implication of this story?

Scroll down to read….

ANSWER:

The husband just said “I am with you Darling”.


The husband’s totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life.


There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child.
What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think .

MORAL OF THE STORY
This story is really worth reading. Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job
or with the people we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human relationship.

For the record, I thank God for my husband for when during the challenges that I faced from November till last month, he never ever condemned me for what I believed in, never scolded me and never ever mocked at me for not having foresight, wisdom or whatever. He was there, stood by me and just loved me as he has been doing for thirty-two years of my life. The only negative thing he ever said to me last year was that I had challenged the boundaries of blogging to the point of insanity :-). Through it all, his quiet wisdom has breathed stability into my whole being and I am a better person because of his love. At my age, I see far beyond roses and dinners (but of course a love letter/card would be nice *a second hint for him haha!*) and remain thankful for what I have in life.

So dear reader, may you and your family be blessed today and always and may you always have time and love for your loved ones.

MATTHEW L. WALD and TRYMAINE LEE reported in The New York Times:

A Continental Express flight from Newark to Buffalo crashed into a house about five miles from Buffalo Niagara International Airport on Thursday night, killing 49 people, officials said.

The plane carried 44 passengers and a crew of 4, according to the Federal Aviation Administration. Ted Lopatkiewicz, a spokesman for the National Transportation Safety Board. The Erie County executive, Chris Collins, later said at a news conference that 49 people, including one on the ground, were killed.

Mr. Collins said the plane, Continental Airlines Flight 3407, crashed about 10:20, five minutes before it was due to land. It was on approach to land on Runway 23.

The house it crashed into was still engulfed in flames at 12:30 a.m., and Mr. Collins said that about 12 houses were evacuated and a limited state of emergency was declared.

Trooper John Manthey of the New York State Police said the plane went down in the hamlet of Clarence Center.

“It was just like a huge great big crash, a boom,” said Sandra Baker, who lives two blocks from the site of the crash on Railroad Street.

Both of her sons, volunteer firefighters, were at the scene.

For more details, please click here.

I know it is Valentine's Day tomorrow but for a change, I am re-posting the following which is a true story that shows how selfishness and immaturity can rob us of the chance to love....sometimes it may be just too late...

Let us not be carried away by the commercialization of Valentine's Day. There is no necessity to send roses or cards or give expensive presents to our loved ones on this day. Everyday should be Valentine's Day! And we should never fail to tell our loved ones how much we love them.

____________________________

A VALENTINE'S CARD - author unknown-











A year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.

"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."

"Then.. you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.

"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."

"E-card??" That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is.

"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting."

I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail.

Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.

"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!"

As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and got online. Staring at the empty inbox, I began to reminisce about how we met.

Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. We were only neighbors. At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him. At that time, I had a crush on a senior. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.

"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me.

I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.

Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly.

Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other.

We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day.

That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant.

But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together.

On the surface, we may have left each other. But in reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.

Still facing the empty inbox, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card.

What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.

"Hello." He picked up the phone.

"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my pleasure.

"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy
.
"But I sent it." He was really busy but I didn't care.

"I didn't receive it. Send it again."

"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience.

His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?

"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight. I'll eat dinner by myself."

"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."

"I am childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation?

We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??

I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations.

After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work. Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.

"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient." As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.

"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.

"Car accident." The medic replied.

"Very serious. He may die." I nodded and ran to the operating room with them.

When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped.

"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't and shouldn't lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my BOYFRIEND!

"NO..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body.

His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love.

I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die!

I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts".

He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.

Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.

"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.

"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.

"Dr. SHU, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."

Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit?

Besides, he still owed me a card.

"I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.

"Take her away!"

That day, I lost my control and my professionalism. And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.

Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day. They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me.

Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.

When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him.

Just because of an unmailed card, he died.

After that, I lost my privilege to be childish. Like an abandoned cat,I couldn't even cry anymore.

After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore. I turned on computer after a year later, even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.

GOSH....I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail? I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today. We apologize for the delay." The sender was my BOYFRIEND!!!

I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast.

Could he have sent these? With a trembling hand, I opened the mail.

The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play...."Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a? fantasy.

Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.

"Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for, and how you gave that love to me...."

The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive,my world was so young.

Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about.

But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away. When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard. I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times.

On this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for LAST ONE YEAR WAS FINALLY RECONNECTED.









Please leave a comment to share your views/thoughts/responses.

Music is a very important part of my life. I love to sing, play my instruments and also to compose. Unfortunately, my parents did not share the same enthusiasm for that field; besides, in those days, it was not a very popular career option. Coming from a traditional family, I dutifully complied. Along the way, after I graduated, I worked as a writer and moonlighted as a music teacher then before moving into the education sector.

By then, I had my older boy who was identified as being musically precocious. Although he hated the rigorous routine of practices, he excelled especially in violin and piano, finishing his Grade 8 for his piano at the age of 13 and Grade 8 for violin at the age of 14. At the same time, being the very active creative boy that he was, we had him tested and discovered he was also profoundly gifted with an IQ of 180. It is a fallacy that such people are interested in the academia. In fact, it was quite difficult to handle him, largely because of me, not so much because of him but it has been a real learning process and now, my older boy and I are very close. My younger boy, who also plays three instruments, has been blessed because by the time I had him, my parenting skills had a turn-around.

While I had hoped that he would become an accountant or a lawyer, my boy chose to pursue a degree in music. By then, I had metamorphosed into a saner mother..and had given up living out my dreams or ideals through him. You know, if you want to understand what sort of a mom I was in the 1990s, you can have a look at this video entitled The Mom Song and you will begin to understand. It is a period in my life that I am not proud of and I am glad, really glad that I have changed to become almost normal ...

So when my boy told me about his musical ambition, I fully supported him and allowed him to pursue his dreams even though deep inside, I was and still am very worried about career possibilities, especially in Malaysia. Yet, because we love him deeply and know his abilities, my husband and I have no qualms about him studying what he loves and what he is good at and we are trusting that he will find his way in the world with God's guidance and blessing.

Currently, my older son is a second-year student pursuing a degree in contemporary music.

I hope that his hopes and dreams will come true when he tries his best to carve his place in the music industry after his graduation. I love you, son! Always proud of you and always missing you...