masterwordsmith-unplugged

A newly married husband saved his wife's number on his mobile as "My Life".

After one year of marriage he changed the number to "My Wife".

After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to "Home".

After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to "Hitler".

After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to "Wrong Number".

-Author Unknown-

How about you?

*Posted for laughs with thanks to TO who sent me this joke.

Have a pleasant evening. Next post will be up soon.

Some people like to use vacation responder messages which provide automatic replies to emails received in their inbox. These are useful when some go on vacation. Here is a list of some hilarious auto email messages.

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I
return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.

6. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

8. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

9. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are
currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

10. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

11. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

12. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any
messages.

13. I've run away to join a different circus.

14. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Loretta" instead of "Steve."


-Author Unknown-

Keep smiling and have a wonderful evening. Next post will be up after 8pm.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.

I don’t do drugs ‘cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

I have my own little world, But it’s OK…. They know me here.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the idiot you married.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; If it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades… now THAT’S a message!

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect: therefore, I am perfect.

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled.

Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Dear ____________:

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found
( ) it was not a human tooth
( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odour
( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
(x) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy
( ) you were age 12 or older at the time your request was received
( ) the tooth is still in your mouth (x) the tooth was
guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit
(x) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or
were missing
( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
[ ] string
[ ] pliers
[ ] gunpowder
[ ] hammer marks
[ ] chisel
[ ] part of skull attached to tooth
[ ] no dental care
( ) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in
the future.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy