masterwordsmith-unplugged

One may know one is getting older when...

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

8. When happy hour is a nap.

9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..

10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

-Author Unknown-

*Sorry - I have been very busy today with some visitors. At the same time, I can feel age catching up far too quickly. Am posting this for the sake of humor and to keep smiling even though I am ageing! :-) Part 2 of this post will be up at 1.30a.m. Cheers!

This guy, lost in the desert for two weeks, finally spots a small oasis and crawls up to it before collapsing. The resident missionary finds him just in time, and slowly nurses him back to health.

Fully recovered the grateful guy wants to get back to civilization and asks his benefactor, "Could I borrow your horse, and give it back later, or possibly leave it for you in the next town?"

The missionary says, "Surely, you may, but there's one special thing about my horse. Instead of 'giddiup' you have to say 'Thank God' to make him go...and you have to say 'Amen' to make him stop. He won't respond to 'whoa.'"

Not paying much attention, the guy says, "Sure, Ok," mounts the horse and starts off with an initial "Thank God."

The horse starts walking slowly when the the guy repeats, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting.

Encouraged by this, the guy then shouts, "Thank God, thank God, thank God!" and the horse just takes off at full tilt.

However, pretty soon the guy sees a cliff coming up ahead, and starts doing everything he can to make the horse stop.

"Whoa!!...Stop!!...Hold on!!" he screams - but to no avail.

The horse doesn't stop! Finally, he remembers what the missionary said and shouts, "Amen," and the horse slows just in time, just inches away from the precipice.

Relieved with still being alive, the guy leans back in the saddle, wipes his brow and audibly sighs, "Thank God."

-Author Unknown-

• On an electrician's truck: "Let Us Remove Your Shorts."
• Outside a radiator repair shop. "Best Place in Town to Take a Leak."
• In a realtor's office: "Lots for little."
• In a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit."
• In a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."
• In a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
• In the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push."
• At entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step."
• At the exit of the IRS: "Watch your mouth."
• In a bookstore: "We treat you write."
• On a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian - except the dog."
• In an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• On a physicist’s door: "Gone fission."
• In a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
• On a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
• In a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
• On used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition."
• On fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
• In a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
• In a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
• At a hotel. "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
• In a science teacher's room:
• "If it moves, it's biology.
• If it stinks, it's chemistry.
• If it doesn't work, it's physics."
• In butchers window: "Pleased to meat you."
• On auto body shop: "May we have the next dents?"
• At the dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here."
• On a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
• On a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
• In an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."