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40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
By Lori Deschene
Let Go
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah
Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.
We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.
Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes.
There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started:
Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life
1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.
2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis, crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.
5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future).
6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction.
7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.
8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.
9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.
Let go of Anger and Bitterness
11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you have to feel it fully.
12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
14. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel may help you move on. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the offender responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.
15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
17. Metaphorically throw it away. For example, jog with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)
18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.
19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
Let Go Of Past Relationships
CLICK HERE to read more.
Thanks to Angela who shared the following post via email.
A major turning point in my life came as an unexpected surprise one day in the middle of a quiet spring afternoon on a sleepy train in the suburbs of Tokyo.
It all started as the old train car was clanking and rattling over the rails. It was comparatively empty – a few housewives with their kids in tow, some old folks out shopping, a couple off-duty bartenders casually glancing through the sports section of the local newspaper. I was gazing absently at the drab houses and dusty hedgerows.
Then as the doors opened at one unremarkable station, the calm afternoon was suddenly shattered. A man on the platform bellowed at the top of his lungs, yelling violent, obscene, incomprehensible curses. Just before the doors closed, the still yelling man staggered into our car.
He was big, drunk and dirty. He wore laborer's clothing. His ragged shirt was stiff with dried vomit, his hair crusted with filth. His bloodshot eyes were bugged out, beaming scorn and hatred to all who caught his glance.
Screaming obscenities, he swung his big fist wildly at the first person he could reach, a scared young woman holding a baby.
The blow glanced off her shoulder, sending her spinning into the laps of an elderly couple. It was a miracle that she was not badly hurt and the baby was unharmed.
As the frightened young woman ducked for cover, protecting her baby, the elderly couple jumped up and scrambled toward the other end of the car. They were terrified.
The big laborer aimed a wobbling kick at the retreating back of the old lady. "You old whore!" he bellowed, ‘I'll kick your ass!" He missed, as the old woman barely scuttled to safety. This so enraged the wretched drunk that he grabbed the metal pole in the center of the car and tried to wrench it out of its stanchion. I could see that one of his hands was cut and bleeding, likely from an earlier scuffle.
The train lurched ahead, the scattered passengers frozen with fear.
I stood up.
I was young then, and in pretty good shape. I stood six feet, weighed 225 and spoke fluent Japanese. I'd been putting in a solid eight hours of Aikido training every day for the past three years. I liked to throw and grapple. I thought I was tough. Trouble was my martial arts skill was untested in actual combat. As students of Aikido, we were not allowed to fight.
My teacher, the founder of Aikido, taught us each morning that the art was devoted to peace. "Aikido," he said again and again, "is the art of reconciliation. Whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with the universe. If you try to dominate other people, you are already defeated. In Aikido, we study how to resolve conflict, not how to start it."
I had listened to his words. I tried hard. I wanted to quit fighting. I had even gone so far as to cross the street a few times to avoid the the pinball punks who lounged around the train stations. They'd have been happy to test my martial arts ability.
My forbearance exalted me. I felt both tough and holy. Yet in my heart of hearts, I was still dying to be a hero. A part of me still wanted a chance – an absolutely legitimate and justified opportunity – to save the innocent by destroying the guilty.
'This is it!' I thought to myself, as I stood up tall and proud to confront this menace to society. 'This slob, this cruel animal, is drunk and mean and violent. People are in immediate danger. If I don't do something fast, somebody is going to get hurt. It's time to take his ass to the cleaners.'
Seeing me stand up, the belligerent drunk relished the chance to focus his rage. "Aha!" he roared, "A foreigner! You need a lesson in Japanese manners!" He landed a heavy punch on the metal pole beside him to give weight to his words.
Holding on to the commuter strap overhead, I gave him a slow look of disgust and dismissal. I gave him every bit of pissed-off nastiness I could summon up. I planned to take this filthy turkey apart, but he had to be the one to move first. And I wanted him mad, because the madder he got the more certain my victory. I puckered my lips and blew him a sneering, insolent kiss.
It hit him like a slap in the face. "All right!" he hollered, "You're gonna get a lesson." He gathered himself for a rush at me.
Yet just as he was about to lunge, a single-syllable shout pierced the air.
"Hey!"
The word instantly sliced through the thick intensity of the moment. I was stunned by the strangely joyous, lilting quality of it – as though you and a friend had been searching all over for something important that was lost, and he had suddenly stumbled upon it and loudly shouted to you, "Hey!"
I wheeled to my left; the drunk spun to his right. We both found ourselves staring down at a little old man. He must have been well into his seventies, this tiny gentleman, sitting there immaculate in his kimono. He took no notice of me, but beamed delightedly at the laborer, as though he had a most important, most welcome secret to share.
"C'mere," the old man said in an easy Japanese vernacular, beckoning to the drunk. "C'mere and talk with me." He waved his hand lightly towards the seat next to him.
The big man followed, almost as if on a string. He planted his feet belligerently in front of the old gentleman, and towered threateningly over him.
"Talk to you!" he roared above the clacking wheels, "Why the hell should I talk to you?"
The drunk now had his back to me. If his elbows moved so much as an inch, I'd drop him in his socks.
The old man continued to beam at the laborer. There was not a trace of fear or resentment about him. "What'cha been drinking?" he asked lightly, his eyes sparkling with interest.
"I been drinking sake," the laborer bellowed back. "And it's none of your goddam business!" Flecks of spittle spattered the old man.
"Oh, that's wonderful," the old man said with delight, "absolutely wonderful! You see, I love sake too. Every night, me and my wife – she's 76, you know – we warm up a little bottle of sake and take it out into the garden, and we sit on the old wooden bench that my grandfather's first student made for him. We watch the sun go down, and we look to see how our persimmon tree is doing."
"My grandfather planted that tree, you know, and we worry about whether it will recover from those ice storms we had last winter. Persimmons do not do well after ice storms, although I must say that ours has done rather better than I expected, especially when you consider the poor quality of the soil. Still, it's most gratifying to watch when we take our sake and go out to enjoy the evening – even when it rains!"
He looked up at the laborer, eyes twinkling, happy to share his delightful information.
As the bewildered drunk struggled to follow the intricacies of the old man's conversation, his face began to soften. His shaky fists slowly unclenched. "Yeah," he said slowly, "I love persimmons, too…" His wavering voice trailed off.
"Yes," said the old man, smiling and leaning slightly forward, "and I'm sure you have a wonderful wife."
"No," replied the laborer to this so strangely friendly man in a softer, sullen voice. "My wife... she died last year."
The suddenly changed drunk hung his head in heavy sorrow. Then, gently swaying with the motion of the train, this big, burly man, who was so threatening just a moment ago began to sob. "I don't got no wife. I don't got no home any more. I lost my job. I don't got no money, I don't got nowhere to go. I'm so ashamed of myself." Big tears rolled down his cheeks. A spasm of pure despair rippled through his body.
Above the baggage rack, a brightly colored ad trumpeted the virtues of suburban luxury living.
Now it was my turn. Standing there in my well-scrubbed youthful pride, with my make-this-world-safe-for-democracy righteousness, I suddenly felt dirtier and more ashamed than he was.
Just then, the train arrived at my stop. The platform was packed with bustling humanity. The busy crowd surged into the car as soon the doors opened. Maneuvering my way toward the door, I heard the old man speak sympathetically.
"My, my," he said with heartfelt care, yet undiminished delight. "That is a very difficult predicament, indeed. Sit down here and tell me about it."
I turned my head for one last look before leaving the now-crowded train. The laborer was sprawled like a sack on the seat, his head in the old man's lap. The old man was looking down at him with smiling compassion, his hand stroking the filthy, matted head of this confused soul.
As the train pulled away, I sat down on a bench dazed with all that had just happened. What I had wanted to do with muscle and meanness had been deftly accomplished with but a few kind words.
What I had just witnessed was true Aikido in combat. The essence of it was love, as the founder had always said. I determined then and there to practice this beautiful art with an entirely different spirit. I yearned to be able to move from the heart like this old man in using the deep principles of aikido. Yet it would be a long time before I could fully embody what I had seen on that unforgettable ride.
Note: Terry Dobson was a highly respected Aikido master until the time of his death in 1992. For more on his life and history, click here.
Did you know that physicians and other medical professionals sometimes use hypnosis to help reduce pain and control their patients’ chronic symptoms?
Hypnosis is actually a form of alternative therapy that has been around for centuries…
But its many benefits have only just recently reached the general population.
In other words…
We are only just beginning to utilize this ancient therapeutic process as a powerful solution to all kinds of physical and psychological ailments.
Reprogram Your Mind
The subconscious mind has often been overlooked as a path to reducing or even eliminating physical and mental problems.
However, it’s this part of your mind that plays the biggest role when it comes to how you behave and react to everything around you.
The truth is, you have the ability to control your mind through hypnosis.
CLICK HERE to read this interesting article by Steve G Jones.
Life is already complex enough without the masks that people wear. Standing at the threshold of my sunset years, I look back and am quite shocked at how I have changed the most in the last one year or so. The time spent on deleting my Facebook posts made me realize that it was when I found myself that I became the strongest. Sometimes, silence is better than confrontation. It is better to have our head held high in dignity than to resort to confrontations.
I guess being Asian has something to do with saving or keeping 'face' till it is almost natural for many not to say what they really feel in their hearts. And so we stand on ceremony. But I don't and never did. What you see or read is exactly what I am. It has been that way for as long as I can remember.
In the journey we call life, I am sure many of us have experienced rude jolts to reality especially on the colorful side of people.
Why is it that so often, people are cruel?
Unkind?
Some take delight in striking out to hurt others either by accusations, silence or even what they think is a tour de force move? In their attempt to hurt others, it may only be years down the road that they realize the one they hurt the most is themselves.
Being a spontaneous person who says and writes what is exactly in my heart with no pretentiousness, it is extremely difficult for me to fathom the how's and why's of hypocrisy, insincerity and maliciousness.
However, I am glad for the way the years have added wisdom, insight and foresight in the way I see, perceive and anticipate people's moves. And then I retreat or detach myself mentally before they begin their assault. So when they do, the blow is but a gentle one. There have even been times when my counter-blow takes them by surprise.
There was a time when I thought genuine humans are a rarity but by a sweet twist of fate, some blog readers have restored in me faith in humanity.
In such a cold and cruel world, it is easy for idealists like me to become stoical and alien to feelings but thanks to guardian angels, I know when to step forward, when to do a mental retreat before pulling back completely when and if I realize that people are not who they project themselves to be.
I have given up trying to understand the psychological make-up of people or to compartmentalize them into various temperaments or categories in an attempt to make sense of what seems senseless - the things they do or don't do or the things they say or don't say. The halls of experience have enabled me to anticipate when hypocrisy or insincerity may strike again. Yet, I feel no bitterness, only thankfulness that they years have been kind to me for before calamity strikes, I have exited via the escape hatch.
So often, I wonder if all this is the product of modern society when people slowly detach themselves from their feelings/emotions/motivations and rationalize their irrational actions.
Could it be the product of the Photoshopping culture to make something appear more beautiful than what they see?
If only people would stop wearing masks to hide their real selves.
If only they stopped dichotomizing ideals from emotions and deeming the former as more important than the latter.
Perhaps then one would not be alienated from their true selves.
My teenage angst years were made easier by John Powell's books including "Why Am I Afraid to Love?" and "Why am I Afraid to tell You Who I Am?". He is right. Fear is debilitating and stunts our growth.
Somehow, there are those who perceive honesty as a sign of weakness. Exposing their vulnerabilities might make them seem as though they are at the mercy of those who could see right through their souls.
I beg to differ.
Never have I been happier or emotionally stronger as I am today. I look back and cringe when I recall how emo/needy I used to be. Reaching this point of my life was not an easy process but with strong, steadfast and wise friends such as Angela and Linda, morphing into the new me has been relatively smooth but complicated journey.
The one who is in touch with himself/herself and dares to make a choice of how much to reveal instead weaving a web of deceit or hypocrisy stands to gain confidence, self-respect and be blessed with genuine friends for life.
Thank you to those of you who have extended a sincere hand of friendship via consistent emails and communication. Thank you for who you are, for blessing me with your nuggets of wisdom, even jokes, for the unexpected presents be it in the form of encouragement and emotional support, herbs, food, notes to touch base with me and so much more. The way you reached out to me and responded to my emails have reminded me that yes, there may be darkness in this world but once in a while, the light of sincerity shines through to steer me in the path of hope and more.
May we always be true to ourselves, what we say/do and to be kind to one another, expecting nothing in return and without using others for our personal gain. A tall order but definitely possible.
All it takes is the removal of masks and a little bit of love and kindness. God bless you.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear,for I wear a thousand masks,
And none of them are me.
Don't be fooled, for goodness sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
And that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in aloneness, in fear.
That's why I create a mask to hide behind,to shield me from the glance that knows,
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love.It's the only thing that can liberate me from my own self-built prison walls.I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing and that I'm just no good,
And that you will reject me.
And so begins the parade of masks.I idly chatter to you.
I tell you everything that's really nothing andNothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying.
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me.
But you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand.
Each time you're kind and gentle, and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings, feeble wings, but wings.
With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding,You alone can release me from my shallow world of uncertainty.
It will not be easy for you.
The nearer you approach me, The blinder I may strike back.
But I'm told that Love is stronger than strong walls,And in this lies my only hope.Please try to beat down these walls with firm handsBut gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you wonder.I am every man you meet,
and also every woman that you meet,And I am you, also.
-Author Unknown-
According to wiseGEEK:
The issue of why people pay attention, how much they do and to what is often more referred to as selective attention. In any busy scene, be it a classroom or a freeway, it’s virtually impossible to note everything at once. What a person pays attention to in these circumstances is what they select to pay attention to, though it may be noted that selection is not necessarily conscious. Selected attention can then be viewed as the process by which people find something upon which to concentrate, and the level of concentration they can continue to exert as distractions arise.
There are many theories as to why people select certain things or why they have varying levels of selective attention. Some believe that the memory or the working attentional state can only hold so much at a time; so people filter out what they deem unnecessary or unimportant, usually without being aware of the filtering process. A number of theories have linked the study of attention to the senses and to the idea of how these arouse focus decisions in humans, and others believe neural function is very much involved. For instance, if two people call someone else at the same time, to whom will that person respond? Possibly, people are already attuned to respond to a more familiar voice, a louder voice, or a voice of a certain pitch, and so they’ll automatically select which person gets the response, and they may not even realize another person has also called them.
Degree of selective attention may vary depending on people, and some people have low attentional levels, particularly if they have certain learning disorders. Conditions like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can make it challenging for students to stay appropriately focused and any distractions may make a student lose focus. It’s hard for the ADHD child to remain in touch with a single thing, though at times they can also exhibit hyper focus. CLICK HERE FOR MORE.
In 1999, two neuroscientists Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simmons conducted a simple experiment with students in a psychology course they were teaching at Harvard University. One of the best-known experiments in psychology, it appears in text books and is taught in introductory psychology courses throughout the world. Not only has it been featured in magazines such as Newsweek and The New Yorker, it has also been aired in television programs such as Dateline NBC. The Exploratorium in San Francisco and other museums have also showcased this clip which humourously reveals something about how we see and don't see in our world. They went on to write “The Invisible Gorilla: How Our Intuitions Deceive Us” which highlights several critical shortcomings of our brain.
“The Invisible Gorilla” examines six everyday illusions that profoundly influence our lives namely illusions of:
- attention
- memory
- confidence
- knowledge
- cause and potential.
According to the two neuroscientists, these illusions represent distorted beliefs we hold in our minds that are “not just wrong, but wrong in dangerous ways.”
Often, we think we see more than we actually do (illusion #1). We may even overrate our abilities to recall what we have seen (illusion #2). Also, we constantly overestimate our own qualities and abilities (illusion #3).
These illusions explain a lot of otherwise inexplicable human behavior. For instance, three witnesses of a robbery may very different versions of what happened. We may sometimes even “recall” events that never actually occurred.
Sometimes, we may hold on to distorted beliefs that both wrong and dangerous. Here's an extract from The Invisible Gorilla:
What we intuitively accept and believe is derived from what we collectively assume and understand, and intuition influences our decisions automatically and without reflection. Intuition tells us that we pay attention to more than we do, that our memories are more detailed and robust than they are, that confident people are competent people, that we know more than we really do, that coincidences and correlations demonstrate causation, and that our brains have vast reserves of power that are easy to unlock. But in all of these cases, our intuitions are wrong, and they can cost us our fortunes, our health, and even our lives if we follow them blindly...
“You can make better decisions, and maybe even live a better life, if you do your best to look for the invisible gorillas in the world around you.”
There may be important things right in front of you that you are noticing due to the illusion of attention. Now that you know about this illusion, you will be less apt to assume you're seeing everything there is to see. You may think you remember some things much better than you really do, because of the illusion of memory. Now that you understand the solution, you'll trust your own memory, and that of others, a bit less, and you'll try to corroborate your memory in important situations. You'll recognize that the confidence people express often reflect their personalities rather than their knowledge, memory, or abilities. You'll be wary of thinking you know more about a topic than you really do, and you will test your own understanding before mistaking familiarity for knowledge. You won't think you know the cause of something when all you really know is what happened before it or what tended to accompany it. You'll be skeptical of claims that simple tricks can unleash the untapped potential of your mind, but you'll be aware that you can develop phenomenal levels of expertise if you study and practice the right way.
I came across this book when checking out YouTube videos. When I asked my younger boy to watch the video, he laughed and said he saw it many years ago and told me that I am behind time. :-(
How many passes did you count? Did you see the gorilla? Do share your views/experiences and observations. I hope that as the next GE draws nigh, we will really be vigilant and pay attention and remember all important details. Have a nice day!
CLICK HERE to read more of Dan Simons' views on The Invisible Gorilla – The Illusions Of Attention, Memory, Confidence, Knowledge & Potential.
CLICK HERE to read Dr Doug Green's Summary of The Invisible Gorilla.
CLICK HERE to read David A. Shaywitz's excellent review of The Invisible Gorilla that was published in WSJ.
CLICK HERE to go the official site of The Invisible Gorilla.
Japanese Geishas painted their skin white for their graceful profession as entertainers (nope, they’re not prostitutes). The Chinese ground pearls from seashells and swallowed them to lighten their skin.
And during the Achaemenid dynasty in Persia (now Iran), farmers used hydroquinone lightening creams to offset the tanning they get from baking under the sun.
Pale skin fashion reigned among men and women.
In 1901, the Lions of Women used whitening Cuticura Soap and Ointment. Skin whitening soaps, 500 years ago, were marketed as "Antiseptic Soaps" with toxic mercury and hydroquinone in them.
Lemon and dandelion have been used in skin whitening recipes, and toxic arsenic and mercury were rampant in creams as they bleached the skin of innocent users. CLICK HERE for more.
Everyone should take five minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one's life.
In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...
This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children and everyone you know.
After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about.
It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in. Thanks to TO Wong who sent this to me.
I am only sharing this and am not endorsing every single idea here as the gospel truth. Please read it carefully and use your own discretion. Thanks!
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2.. Learned this from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
Toss it away from you....Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you,
and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3.If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole
and start waving like crazy..
The driver won't see you,but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4.Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit
(doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!)
The predator will be watching you,and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..
If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead gun the engine and speed into anything,wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you.
If the person isin the back seat they will get the worst of it.
As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5.A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot,or parking garage:
A.)Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor,
and in the back seat.
B.)If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.)Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side..If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work,and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6.ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7.If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you(a running target) 4 in 100 times;and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN,Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped,or killed.
Ted Bundy,the serial killer,was a good-looking, well educated man,who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.
He walked with a cane,or a limp,and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9.Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last,
and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird.. The police told her :Whatever you do,DO NOT open the door..' The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window,and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over.
The policeman said,'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do,DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby.. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.
10. Water scam!
If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a
burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full blast so that you will go out to investigate and then attack.
Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbors!
Please pass this on. This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because
the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America 's Most Wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.
I'd like you to forward this your friends, especially to all the women you know. It may save a life.A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle..
-Author Unknown-
Thanks to TO Wong who sent me this post, supposedly written by a policeman.
I was rather tied up in the earlier part of the day and have not been able to write until now. My next sopo post will be before dinner time. Here's an article on How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Negative Emotions adapted from Judith Orloff's book. I hope you find it helpful. I am sharing it because we never know how some people can deliberately pass on negative comments or emotions to us because of their hidden agenda.
Recently, a blog reader left very negative comments to which I responded with patience, forbearance and a willingness to reach out and meet him or her in a middle road stance. Some readers responded and that reader persisted in labeling us as racists etc. I decided to delete his negative and derogatory comments together with all other responses including mine in all fairness. I certainly hope that such characters will not damage the ambiance of this blog which I painstaking built over the past two years. I appreciate positive and constructive comments but NOT virulent, derogatory, accusing and confrontational comments from people with malicious intent. I had no choice but to delete such damaging comments.
Thanks to StraightTalking and wits0 for their responses to this character. Thanks also to all my readers who have been observing decorum and leaving lovely, inspirational and constructive comments. Take care. DO leave a comment as always. Have a lovely evening!
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How to Stop Absorbing Other People's Negative Emotions
In "Emotional Freedom," Judith Orloff emphasizes the importance of learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world. Since emotions such as fear, anger, and frustration are energies, you can potentially "catch" them from people without realizing it.
If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it's vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual's negative emotions or the free-floating kind in crowds.
Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially those with similar pain. That's how empathy works; we zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in ourselves.
From an energetic standpoint, negative emotions can originate from several sources. What you're feeling may be your own; it may be someone else's; or it may be a combination. I'll explain how to tell the difference and strategically bolster positive emotions so you don't shoulder negativity that doesn't belong to you.
This wasn't something she could always do. Growing up, her girlfriends couldn't wait to hit the shopping malls and go to parties, the bigger the better -- but she didn't share their excitement. She always felt overwhelmed, exhausted around large groups of people, though I was clueless why. "What's the matter with you?" friends would say, shooting her the weirdest looks.
She realized that she didn't like crowded places and would leave nervous, depressed, or with some horrible new ache or pain. Unsuspectingly, she was a gigantic sponge, absorbing the emotions of people around me.
With her patients, she saw how absorbing other people's emotions can trigger panic attacks, depression, food, sex and drug binges, and a plethora of physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than two million Americans suffer from chronic fatigue. It's likely that many of them are emotional sponges.
Here are some strategies from "Emotional Freedom" to practice. They will help us to stop absorbing other people's emotions.
Emotional Action Step: How to Stay Centered in a Stressful World
To detach from other people's negative emotions:
* First, ask yourself, "Is the feeling mine or someone else's?" It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what's causing it on your own or with professional help. If not, try to pinpoint the obvious generator. For instance, if you've just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people sitting beside you; in close proximity, energy fields overlap. The same is true with going to a mall or packed concert.
* When possible, distance yourself from the suspected source. Move at least twenty feet away; see if you feel relief. Don't err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public place, don't hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of depression imposing on you.
* For a few minutes, center yourself by concentrating on your breath: This connects you to your essence. Keep exhaling negativity, inhaling calm. This helps to ground yourself and purify fear or other difficult emotions Visualize negativity as gray fog lifting from your body, and hope as golden light entering. This can yield quick results.
* Negative emotions such as fear frequently lodge in your emotional center at the solar plexus. Place your palm there as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to flush stress out. For longstanding depression or anxiety, use this method daily to strengthen this center. It's comforting and builds a sense of safety and optimism.
* Shield yourself. A handy form of protection many people use, including healers with trying patients, involves visualizing an envelope of white light (or any color you feel imparts power) around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out negativity or physical discomfort but allows what's positive to filter in.
* Look for positive people and situations. Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time with a colleague who affirms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful words, songs, and art forms. Hope is contagious, and it will lift your mood.
Keep practicing these strategies. We don't have to reinvent the wheel each time you're on emotional overload. With strategies to cope, we can have quicker retorts to stressful situations, feel safer, and our sensitivities can blossom.
Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff's new book, "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life" (Harmony Books, 2009).
Have a nice day, dear reader! My next post will be before dinner time.
It has been quite a while since I posted self-help stuff here so I thought these ten pointers would be a welcome inspirational change to jump start our day. I chanced upon this while surfing the net in the wee hours of the morning :-) and I thought it is applicable for our personal lives and the political landscape. As always, do leave a comment to share your thoughts. Take care and have a lovely day!
1. Don't think of problems as difficulties. Think of them as opportunities for action.
2. After you've done your best to deal with a situation, avoid speculating about the outcome. Forget it and go onto the next thing.
3. Keep busy. Keep the 24 hours of your day filled with these three ingredients: work, recreation, and sleep. Don't allow yourself time for abstract thinking.
4. Don't concern yourself with things you can't do anything about. Armchair generals don't win battles, but they do have nervous breakdowns.
5. For the time being anyway, eliminate daydreaming completely. Stop building air castles.
6. Don't procrastinate. Putting off an unpleasant task until tomorrow simply gives you more time for your imagination to make a mountain out a possible molehill. More time for anxiety to sap your self-confidence. Do it now, brother, do it now.
7. Don't pour woes and anxieties to other people. You don't want their sympathy - it'll merely make it easy for you to feel sorrier for yourself.
8. Get up as soon as you wake up. If you lie in bed, you may use up as much nervous energy living your day in advance as you would in actual accomplishment of the day's work.
9. Try to arrange your schedule so that you will not have to hurry. Hurry, a blood brother to worry, helps shatter poise and self-confidence, and contributes to fear and anxiety.
10. If a project seems too big, break it up into simple steps of action. Then negotiate those steps-link rungs in a ladder...one at a time. And don't allow yourself to think about the difficulties of step number two until you've executed step number one.
When I started blogging in mid-May 2008, I chose the nom de plume masterwordsmith because of a few reasons.
Firstly, I wanted to choose the name 'wordsmith' but it reminded me so much of blacksmith so I dropped that option. Secondly, I did think of 'miss wordsmith' but it could also mean that I misspell words :-) or forget to include words or any other negative connotation. Next was the 'mistress wordsmith' which did not sound quite moral :-) as it could me I was the mistress of a wordsmith :-). Madam Wordsmith gave the impression of a grim, austere, matronly old lady which I am not (yet!!!) so I decided on masterwordsmith. Another reason was to give the impression that I am 'male' for my personal safety.
During those early blogging days, time was spent changing templates every three weeks. I think some readers must have thought I was into feng hsui because of the many changes from two column to three column and once I even had a four-column template.
So my nom de plume can tell you that I love words. Words are powerful because they shape our thoughts, determine our actions, and chart the course of our lives. Positive words give hope and encouragement or negative utterances that steal our joy and confidence.
Wherever we are in our lives, personal relationships, or careers, the words we use consistently are partly responsible for whatever happens in our communication process. As such, we must be more aware of our words, and when needed, to change them so that we can begin to get the results we really desire.
In the course of my teaching career, there are a couple of words that stand out because students tend to be confused about when and how to use them. This morning, I just want to discuss these words from a different angle and would encourage you NOT to use them.
1. Maybe: This word indicates indecision,doubt,or uncertainty as to a course of
action. For example, "Maybe I'd better wait to..."Use it less often to develop self-confidence. Use "I will" or " I will not" instead of maybe to emit feelings of confidence and resolve which are so vitalto our personal well-being.
2. But: When we use this word as a conjunction,"but" negates whatever statement that precedes it." I want to study medicine, but it wlll take a lot of hard work." Such a sentence zeroes in on the hard word involved but what we should do is to replace it with 'and'. Then, the effect will be quite different.
3. Should: Any statement that uses the word "should" generally elicits guilt. "I should go to the gym," makes you feel guilty for not going. "I choose to go to the gym,or I choose not to go to the
gym today' gives a new dimension to the meaning.
4. Can't: I don't like to use this one because it connotates countless hopes and dreams lying dormant on the 'drawing boards' of our lives. To achieve a significant positive change
in our life, I believe that we should eliminate our use of this word.
5. Soon or Later: Both are indefinite references to time.They are also non-commital.They should be replaced with a definite time and date. When someone tells you he or she is going to do something "soon" or "later, "there is no way to determine when "whatever it is" will get done. Imagine what could happen to deadlines and your integrity when these words are used
frequently.
6. Someday: Someday, like "soon or later", is much too indefinite,and when it is used, it shows the same lack of commitment.Replace "someday" with a specific date and time.
7. Never: This word is absolute,and there are only limited situations when "never" is absolutely true. The use of this word, in my opinion, suggests a closed mind, which seriously hinders our self-growth efforts. Replace it with a non-absolute term.
8. Won't: The word "won't" implies an unwillingness,reluctance, or closed mindedness,and like the absolute term 'never', it is quite harmful because it closes the door on many of the actions we need to take to reach our goals.
9. If: This word that carries large doubts and uncertainties, and when used often, it gnaws away at our confidence and intended actions, two qualities which are necessary for any type of success.
10.Try or (I'll Try): Replace "I'll try," with 'I will.'
I believe that careful thought must be given to these words before we use them in our "self talk"
or in the conversations we have with others.
We must remember this: Our words affect our thoughts, our actions, our very lives, and because of their power, we must choose them with the utmost care. Thus, let's think before we speak because even if it's only words, words have many important roles when we communicate with someone else.
Have a lovely day!
A few days ago, I blogged about how I had perfectionist parents but I did not reveal how low self-esteem has always been such a great challenge in my life. In fact, I believe that it could be the root of many issues and challenges that many of us may face in life.
In many ways, I regard it as a very insidious problem that must be dealt with lest it causes other more serious problems. Many do not regard the problem as a serious one when actually it is. Some prefer to partake in the blame game by blaming others for their plight. Now when they do this, they become more detached from the problem and ultimately deprive themselves of confronting and dealing with the real problem and moving even further away from the solution. When this happens, history repeats itself and the person is forced to relive the nightmare all because of low self-esteem.
As one who used to be a drama queen, now I realize that I am not the worst in life and others have gone through similar problems like I have either at a worse or lesser level and have survived and so will I. Ultimately, it is all up to us to live with a healthy level of self-esteem.
Some may feel that this problem does not concern them but actually, no matter how confident one may be, self-esteem problems may still exist albeit at a subtle level. On a personal level, I confess that the failure for me to reach out for my dream, for something I loved greatly when I was young, and the way in which I settled for a safe route to a boring sedate existence damaged the way I looked at myself. Basically, my self esteem issues were inherited from my parents, at a very early stage because of the way I was brought up. My mother, whom I love very much, pushed me to excel and her way of doing it was by putting me down via reverse psychology, completely unaware of its ill-effects on my development. While parents are primarily responsible for shaping our young psyches at this time, the other agents of socialization such as schools, peer and the media also play an important role. Thus, our later experiences in life merely reinforce the core impressions we gained at a very early age.
Older and wiser, I realize more than ever that the role of parents is so vital, and we have to be very conscious that EVERYTHING we do, say, or even think, can have consequences for our children. Moreover, this care must begin whilst the child is still in the womb! If we are too relaxed about how we bring them up, we may unconsciously pass on our own limitations to them as a result.
To overcome low self-esteem, I believe that the first thing is to differentiate self-esteem from self-image. Self-image is developed when we make comparisons between ourselves and those around us and then to judge the image we have of ourselves which is sadly, often negative. And why so? If we look around us, we can usually find someone better than us at almost everything. Once developed, self-image affects self-esteem. Take a look at young children. Isn't it wonderful to see how they seem to have perfect self-esteem BECAUSE they have no self-image? They are NOT continually judging themselves against externals and falling short.
Well, to be honest, it was very tough for me when I was young. From day 1 in Std 1, I was in a very competitive environment in the top class and amongst the top. Then I skipped a year of school and had a double promotion from Year 3 to Year 5 and we were pushed because we were in the express class system (which is why when my older boy qualified for the PTS and could skip a year as well, I put my foot down firmly and refused to let him jump...now he realizes the wisdom of my objection). It did not help that I was surrounded by brain boxes - my classmates were really brainy and there were six who eventually became doctors, gynaecologists, one became a professor at Harvard and others who made inroads in research not forgetting many chartered accountants. And me? Humble me is just me :-). I excelled in university only because my childhood classmates were no longer with me and I fought on new battle ground and surprised myself by graduating top of the class. Sadly, I missed first class honors by a hair's breath and it was only many years later that I realized the implication of being summoned to the Dean's office to explain why I missed first class honors. Yup - I blew that opportunity because I thought I was not good enough. Er...I still have such feelings but I deal with it whenever it emerges, such as by writing this post to exorcise old ghosts in my life :-).
After going through so much in life, after so many ups and downs, mountain-top and valley deep experiences, I know that the key is NOT to work upon self-image. Unfortunately, this is what many people try to do. Deep in my heart, I know that working on self-esteem is the key to creating radical change because as we work from the inside out, how we feel about ourselves in comparison with externals can eventually improve as well.
A lot depends on how we control our self-talk. If we partake in negative self-talk, naturally negative self esteem will be developed. The things we say to ourselves in our minds, as well as the way in which we interpret events in our lives would define the reality in which we live. Most people practise negative self-talk because they see the worst in themselves and in everything that happens. I have been blessed by good friends who have, at different stages of my life, exhorted me to put a stop to such self-destructive thinking. It is our thoughts and expectations that shape and produce what we become and ultimately, the quality of our lives would then be a direct consequence.
To overcome negative self-talk, we can use positive affirmations to nullify negative thoughts. As these two contradictory ideas battle out in our brain, eventually one will prevail and the other will collapse as a consequence. And the one in which we invest the greatest energy and frequency of thought will be the one that wins - the one that leads us to greater self-esteem.
In my personal battle with low self-esteem, I have discovered that there are many effective ways to develop a healthy level of self esteem and the first step in that direction is recognition of the existence of the problem and to take total responsibility for dealing with it. It takes a lot of effort and commitment to develop ourselves in the right direction and the support plus understanding of our loved ones matter a lot. Look out life - I am moving in the direction of creating a higher level of self-esteem and I hope you are too!
Have a great day!
I confess - I had a mom who was obsessed with perfectionism and a dad who was a professional perfectionist. So what happened? I was the ultimate perfectionist and it nearly drove everyone around me crazy till I dealt with it in constructive ways and learnt to understand the roots of my perfectionist nature when I read David Seamands' book called "Healing for Damaged Emotions".
If put under control, perfectionism can be an added advantage in the pursuit of excellence and mastery. If one does not deal with it, perfectionism can lead to unhealthy obsessions or chronic dissatisfaction which can mar creative imagination, prevent us fro establishing and enjoying healthy relationships and gaining life satisfaction.
One of the most famous perfectionists in modern society is Martha Stewart. She calls herself "a maniacal perfectionist," and says that the best benefit is the fact that with it, she found her company and enjoyed her success.
Seriously, if not for perfectionism, we all would be deprived of human activities that many regard as extraordinary, excellent, outstanding or great as seen in modern inventions, gadgets etc.
But it does not always have to be perfect.
An unhealthy drive for perfectionism can drive ourselves and others insane!!! As a rehabilitated perfectionist, I can safely vouch that most perfectionists really care about what they do and really want it to be right, and won't quit unless it is absolutely necessary.
I think the root problem is that many perfectionists do not accept themselves. I used to have very low self-esteem and eventually found my way out of it and when on the road to self-actualization. I realized that when I could accept imperfections in myself, I could do the same for others and for life. Now, older and wiser, I guess that the beauty of the experience of imperfection is that we get to feel in life. Nothing can be perfect. If it were perfect, it would not be real or natural. Somehow, crazy as it may sound, don't you think that imperfection has a very human quality?
Years ago, at a book sale, I managed to buy "Never Good Enough," by Monica Ramirez Basco, Ph.D. She postulates that when you think you fail to meet standards and feel down because you are being criticized by others, or cannot convince others to work together for common good, you can end up punishing both yourself and others with an onslaught of negative attitudes and emotions.
This expert then moves on to discuss how cognitive-behavioral methods can control the distress associated with perfection and how to deal with the associated problems.
Common perfectionist lines include "If I make a mistake, it will be horrible"; "I must be perfect or others will disapprove of me" and "If I do it perfectly, then everyone will notice."
Of course some situations may warrant such attitudes but if we believe that only when we are perfect can we gain approval, then we are on the road to destruction. I believe that we have to be in tune with ourselves to know how we feel, what drives us and whether we drive others and ourselves crazy when driven wrongly with warped ideas. Being a perfectionist is very stressful so we have to control our emotions and our zeal for perfectionist.
One of the worst periods of my perfectionism was in the early years of my teaching career and when I was struggling through the first five years to bring up my older boy. At one stage, I was so adamant that there be no missing pieces of his lego or his toys. Little did I know that my older boy had this habit of throwing things into the tv cabinet (the old type where the tv was encased in a wooden cabinet) and I almost drove my husband and myself crazy as I would count the number of Lego pieces and itemise everything. I would search for the missing pieces and would be upset if I failed in my mission. Gosh - I think I was totally unbearable in the late 1980's to 1997.
Don't worry. I am almost normal now having mellowed through the years and have became human. Just last night, when I was skyping with another former student, she was telling me how I had chilled so much in the last seven years and I could not agree more.
These days, I realize that hey - it does not have to be perfect and guess what?
With that, life seems more perfect these days and heck - I have not been happier!!!
Have a nice day folks!!
I am sure you would agree that there have been moments in our lives when we wished that we had done or said this and that and peerhaps even blame ourselves for not doing enough in our lives. In such vulnerable moments, it is easy to martyr ourselves. That self-destruction mode must be put to an end! Life is about living and cherishing precious moments, not about the losses or mistakes we made.
Lately, I have so much time on my hands which is why I am writing twice a day in my blog - a sharp contrast indeed to the period when I wrote like maybe once a month because I was too saddened by the events in my country. During my moments of reflection, I realized that the tendency to accentuate the negative and to put ourselves down can be traced to our Asian culture and the attempt to remain modest.
Well, for this evening's post, I am going to lead you down memory lane to think of those unforgettable moments in your life...and hopefully to inspire and to remind you that you are a unique person in this world who has blessed many others with your words, actions, thoughts and most of all....your life solely because of who you are.
Do you remember the time when you were there to help your brother or sister when they fell down, hurt themselves or were hurt by others? The times when you gave up your favorite candy or eraser or something precious for them just so that they could smile again and then when they did, you smiled?
Can you recall the time when you felt so weak and yet courageous enough to be present during the last moments when your loved one passed away and how you cried your eyes out and willed yourself to be strong? Then, you found the strength to hold on to the beautiful memories even though sometimes these made you cry? In doing so, you found peace within yourself and moved on...albeit without them beside you anymore. Still, you could do it because they will always remain in your heart.
If you are a woman, do you remember when you gave birth and when you went through before and after the birth of your children? If you are a man, can you remember how you held your wife's hand when you were there for your child’s birth? What about how we survived conflicts with our spouses, children and family members and could still continue to love them?
What about the way you dealt with the challenges in your life? Some of us may have been raised with certain negative patterns of behavior in the family but chose not to continue the cycle. Then there could be others like me who have been challenged with an illness and became healthy again. Some of us could be pet lovers so let us not forget how we survived the death of our beloved pet and could continue to have acres of love for new pets.
Then there could be some of us who were always there for our friends, listening to their struggles and pains and doing whatever we could to help them through their divorce or when they lost their bearings in life...
I am sure some of us have lived through losing a job and then appreciating that it brought us on a new path, one which we would not have chosen if that had not happened to us...and then as we breathe again at the memory of it all, we realize so much about ourselves, about people....
Others could have been through very bad times such as a natural disaster or a financial crisis and walked out of that situation with a stronger connection to humanity as we learn to value things and to appreciate people at a different level from before.
Perhaps some of us, through disappointments and failure, have mastered the art of acknowledging others who are better than ourselves, because of humility that we developed along the journey of life. I guess we became greater when we stopped putting the blame on others and taking more responsibility for our own lives and to detach ourselves from toxic characters bent on hurting us.
I guess if we sit down and reflect on the years gone by, we can be more aware of how we have achieved personal growth such as in the area of communication, or even the way we look at life, ourselves and to deal with whatever cognitive dissonance which may occur. Then, as we take stock, we will realize that we charted our own lives, gave of ourselves, love so much in spite of what others say simply because we dared, we cared and we want to love....
At the end of the day, it is all up to us to give a resounding “YES” to life and in doing so, we gain so much for ourselves because we will become much wiser, stronger, smarter with a greater sense of humor and a huge capacity to love ourselves and others.
So dear reader, when there are times you feel down and out, remember the melting moments of your life...how you loved, were loved and the love you leave behind in the hearts of others...Don't forget you have found your way to live, to love, to make a difference and to give back to others because you want to and not because you have to...
YOU ARE SPECIAL!!!! And please don't forget that!
Have a lovely weekend!
Empowerment comes from a strong heart which holds love, not fear. With a strong heart, we can do ANYTHING! In this excerpt from her book Sustaining Joy, Shirley shows us how to work with our heart to open it gradually so that it becomes accustomed to holding more and more love. In that way we will see everything in a new light and be empowered to move forth in a life filled with Joy and all we could ever desire.
The heart seems to be one of the most vulnerable in the system because it is the one that has held the most fear, the most old pain, perhaps, and repressed energy. It is the one that is most afraid to open to pure unconditional love, which is indeed where your power lies.
So, in essence, when you open your heart and heal without fear, you are opening to your own spiritual power. For many who think that power is held in various vibrational waves, we would correct this…
The power is in the heart, in the love, in the truth, and however challenging or difficult it may appear to be at times, the power is still in the truth of Love.
When you are on your journeys, in confusion, perhaps, afraid to turn this way, turn that way, it is the confusion in the heart that keeps you from walking forth in true connected power. It is that smoke screen, if you will, of the confusion of the heart - without setting the heart free to clearly love, to support, to bring the truth of unconditional love - that keeps you from stepping into truly who you are.
Now we know at this time, this may seem a bit trite or perhaps not as important as other things that seem to be about you on the earth plane to care for. However, this is one of the most important aspects of your journey - to strengthen your heart into initiation of self-empowerment - because you are indeed being initiated into your self-empowerment. This is the first step toward true initiation: the strengthening the heart, allowing the heart to feel, waking the heart up.
For many, the heart has been in a place of just existing, but not truly loving, being a bit numb, if you will, or complacent, perhaps a bit stagnant - for without the heart truly connecting with unconditional love, there is no true connection to your own passion. There is no true connection to your own creativity because you are not fully feeling with emotion the love for yourself and then, of course, for others.
We will just give a few exercises at this time to help strengthen the heart. The exercise that is required for this particular time to strengthen the heart is to truly go deeply into the heart on all levels - feeling, connecting to the pain, to the joy, to the confusion, to the openness, to the expansion, to the Light, to the repression, to the feeling of confused darkness - because as you go into that place and hold it, and hold the energy of the heart open to it instead of fleeing from it, you do strengthen the heart.
For many who run from the heart, from a sense of purpose, and truth, and knowledge, this will only exhaust the body by the running, running, and running from that which you cannot run from because, as you know, it is inside your being. You cannot run from the heart.
You must go into the heart because it is aligned with soul and purpose. You can share and teach others how you strengthened your own being, how you strengthened your heart, how you strengthened your connection to soul-self.
Be proud of your healing, wherever it takes you. Do not be ashamed. Do not feel fear.
For those of you who find strength in the body or strength in the mind, remember that the only real strength to keep all of this going in a balanced way is to come from the strength within the heart. When your heart is not strong, the mind is fatigued because it clearly depends on the heart and the emotional support and the love to keep the mind refreshed and alive and in motion.
So, for those of you who are working around the heart and fearing going into the heart, you are really compromising your real strength on all levels. This is an important understanding, for in exchanging the frequency shift to the next level (to vibrate with the next frequency, to move forward in this time, if you will), you will move further and more forward with the heart. The mind - the rational mind - has really no clear sense of purpose here, and the physical form of the body can only take you to its own limitations. The heart and the soul, the connections of these two, are what move you through time.
So, focus your healing and your opening on this area for this is what will move you through this particular time in freedom.
Strengthening the Heart Exercise
Find a safe, quiet space in which to do this exercise. When you are fully relaxed, travel into your heart.
To strengthen the heart, allow yourself to go deeply into the heart on all levels. Connect to everything: the pain, the joy, the confusion, the darkness, the love, holding the energy of the heart open to the experience instead of backing away from it.
Tune into it and feel what energy is there. Is the heart open or constricted? Is it warm or is it cool, or even cold, perhaps?
When you are ready, think about a person, situation, or emotion and bring that energy directly into the heart. If you feel yourself back off, continue to breathe into it. Embrace it. Hold it. Breathe out.
Then bring it in again, allowing yourself to really "feel" it, holding it a little longer, a little deeper, each time. Stretch a little further.
Keep opening the heart, stretching it, holding it open, until that energy begins to feel a natural part of your being.
1. What causes your heart to contract? What person(s) or situation(s) does your heart back away from?
2.How does it feel to open your heart fully to every experience?
ANOTHER EXERCISE: Do this with someone with whom you are trying to experience more openness, more love, more joy.
Sit across from each other and place your right hand over each other's heart. Breathe, letting the heart open.
Continue to let the energy open and hold it. Open and hold. Let the energy cycle, opening each other's heart.
Hold that energy as long as you can.
1. How did doing this exercise with another person change how you feel about him or her?
2. What fears, if any, did you experience? (fear of joy, intimacy, trust, openness…)
3. My fears: _________________________________________________
4. My partner's fears: ________________________________________
Author's Bio
Shirley Knapp, U.S.A. is an internationally recognized spiritual teacher and author of "Sustaining Joy" who leads groups in personal growth. She has been in a holistic private practice, teaching continuing education classes and individuals and groups since 1986. Shirley’s mission is to heal, love and serve the world by transforming ourselves and helping others transform in joy.
Have you ever been hurt by another person in your life? Have you ever suffered because of a thoughtless remark, rumours or fabrications of truth or the agony of infidelity or betrayal? If you have, then you know what it feels like to be hurt. We are only human and it is natural and most tempting to hold on to such negative feelings and to build a veneer of hardness around yourself to protect yourself from other such incidents that could inflict more hurts and pain. However, the best way to heal is to forgive the person who hurt us, no matter how difficult. For some, it may take years whereas it may be quite easy for others.
Many religions teach us to forgive. And why so? When we forgive others, I believe that it simply means that we consciously decide not to let their actions or words affect us negatively. In other words, we do not allow ourselves to feel anger, pain, bitterness, or resentment. Conversely, if we choose not to forgive, it then means that we are consciously or unconsciously making a decision to hold on to our feelings of resentment, anger, and pain.
Sometimes one wonders why one should forgive - especially when one is not at fault. If we regard forgiveness as a benefit that we allow ourselves to enjoy because it frees us from anger and allows us to restore close and satisfying relationships with others, then it is not a real chore.
Research has shown that many patients with all kinds of ailments or diseases actually suffer from deep unforgiveness that have been developed from different experiences in their lives. Anger is a potently lethal emotion that comes from being hurt. If we are filled with anger and bitterness, we are hurting inside as much as it hurts the person who has harmed us. It is as if we are filled with some toxic element which can devour us from within if they are not dealt with in the right manner so we can either choose to feed those negative and deadly feelings or to forgive the person who harmed us. Actually, when we choose not to forgive, we are hurting ourselves the most because the pain gnaws us and plagues us in many ways.
We are not saints on this earth. I have to admit it is not easy to forgive. It took me years to forgive my mother for dying when I was 11 years old. I was angry because I did not have her with me when I went through my teenage angst. I was hurting when my mother was not there when I got married. I was broken-hearted when I had my kids and she was not there to see her grandchildren. The pain of losing her was and still is very deep and even as I type this, I still miss her and am very misty-eyed.
When we choose to forgive, we must realize that it does not mean we will never again feel the pain or remember the thing that hurt us. The emotionally painful experience is remembered. At the same time, when we decide to forgive, we are not suppressing these feelings of anger, rather, we are acknowledging those feelings and then learning from those experiences while letting go of whatever or whoever hurt us.
We are also not celestial beings and have no right to moralize as to who is right or wrong in a case. I believe we need to recognize our personal responsibility in each situation and to know that when we forgive, it is not that we are closing one eye to a person's act/words or giving that person the license to persist in that form of behavior. Rather, it means we do not want to be bound by that situation and we free ourselves from it and do not allow that person/s to have a hold over our lives be it in the form of fear or resentment. In forgiving, it is also up to us whether we choose to continue the relationship or to keep our distance. The choice is ours.
Sometimes, it pays if we are honest with ourselves. If we are hurt, angry or unhappy, just admit it!
Suppressing such feelings can cause other problems in the future, including a build-up of negative feelings.
To be honest, I do have a fiery temper and may hurt others with my words when I lash out. Older and wiser, I have learnt to and try to control what I say to be sure that I do not hurt others. Thus, the old advice to take deep breaths when one is angry is really most helpful in challenging situations.
Empathy helps a lot. Seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view can help us develop compassion instead of anger. Guess what? I learnt this from my older son. Once, in an argument, he told me, "Mom, you've been telling me how you feel but have you given any thought to how I feel?" I was stunned. Looking back, I wish I had been more patient with him and know that it was not easy to have me for a mother. I don't make the same mistakes with my younger one and my older boy always says that he is the guinea pig of my parenting experiment and his younger brother is enjoying the lessons I learnt.
Yup, my boy and I went through a difficult journey to discover ourselves, to love each other and most importantly, to forgive one another. In my recovery stage, I spent many moments thinking about the ways in which I had erred and had to consciously decide not to blame myself but to forgive myself for the pain I inflicted on my son. Today, he and I have a very beautiful relationship which I treasure very much. I try not to look back at the past which was filled with hurts. Sometimes, I still do and then I am filled with regret. When that happens, I have to steer myself out of the abyss of regret into the road to the future and to be thankful for the many years ahead that I can share with my older boy. In fact, he always reminds me to leave the past behind.
There have been times when I tried to understand why it is so easy to hurt the people we love. We must also realize that our loved ones may not know why too. At this point of writing this post, I remember "Hurting Each Other" by Carpenters.
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart
That is why it has to begin with us. When one party forgives, chances are the other party will acquiesce and there will be healing in the relationship. If they do not react positively, it does not matter. What matters is that we forgive that person and also we forgive ourselves.
I am not going to sermonize as to how to forgive, what to do. I am still learning but in this post, I just want to share my thoughts with you, dear reader, from the bottom of my heart....
From my experience, it is only when we have let go of the pain and released ourselves from past hurts that we can feel a greater sense of freedom and well-being. Then only can we be free to move on in life without bitterness and resentment. We would have left the hurts and our past behind and would be able to look forward with expectancy.
Have a great day!
Long time back, being born and raised in England in English literature class : I read a poem in my English Literature book which said: "Success is counted sweetest By those who ne'ev succeed. To comprehend a nectar Requires sorest need."
The poetess had then moved on to describe a battle scene in which the successful people, after winning the battle, rejoice and bask in the glory of success. On the other hand, we have a man, who after losing the battle is lying in the battle field, awaiting his death.
One thing which really got me confused was: How can a person, who has never succeeded in life, understand the meaning of success? I even argued with my teacher saying that the poem was absolutely meaningless. After all, how can a person, who is a loser, understand the value and meaning of success? And my teacher answered by telling me that there are few things which cannot be explained. They can just be experienced with time. At that point of time, I therefore concluded that the poetess was a confused person who somehow got entangled in the intricacies of the meaning of success, and ended up creating an inexplicable poem. Little did I know that as I grow up, I will have to be sorry for my thoughts.
The day I tasted my first failure was the day I understood the true value and meaning of success. That was the day I understood that the poetess had beautifully described the meaning of success and its value through uncomplicated words and a practical example. That was the day I felt ashamed of my ignorance. That was the day I felt a strong urge to say a sorry to the poetess and my teacher for being naive. And that was the day I understood the meaning of success.
Are you having the same feelings I had as an inexperienced kid? Well, let me just make this clear by giving you some examples and explanations.
Consider an entrepreneur, who wants to make it big. He's invested all he had into a business which he thinks has a lot of potential. Somehow, things did not work out well, and he loses all his money. On the other hand, we have another entrepreneur, who in a similar fashion, invested all his money into a business and the business took off well and now he is one among the well-known, rich and successful people. Who do you think knows the true value of success? The entrepreneur who lost or the one who tasted success in the first go?
Let us consider another example in which we take an instance from our daily life. Imagine a student. He has done his goal setting and planned how he wants to complete his syllabus. He's worked hard for the whole year because he wanted to perform well in his examination. Somehow, he could not perform well in his paper. What is the value of success for him? What is the meaning of success for him?
Friends, the true meaning of success is understood only by people who've been failures at some point in their lives. A person who has always been in a win-win situation can never value success the way a person who has failed in his life does. For successful people, Success is just a small word which means achievements. For a loser, success can mean his life. He can do anything for being successful. A failed attempt makes a person work harder and forces him to put more efforts in his future endeavors.
A failure makes you realize the importance of success. It makes you understand how important achievements are in a person's life. It gives you the strength to face the adversities of life. It makes you recognize your potentials, your drawbacks and your strong points. It helps you in analyzing what went wrong, and makes you learn from your mistakes. A failure is very important in the development of a balanced human being. A person, who has experienced both success and failure in his life, is the one who has understood the actual meaning of life. But this doesn't mean that you start failing deliberately. If you are from the lucky lot who keeps winning all the time, thank your luck and be happy!
If the content of this article is still not clear to you, my suggestion to you is: "My Friend, Some things in life are inexplicable. The true value and meaning of success will be clear to you with time."
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This post was taken from Article Street and was written by Stephen C Campbell (Business Consultant, Master NLP Practitioner) who has published more information on discovering the secrets to living a truly prosperous life at THIS LINK.
