Don't Get Angry. Get Even!

Posted by Unknown On Monday, July 4, 2011 4 comments

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.
We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'



The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but *don't forget to wash her, she stinks.'

He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O'*, and my husband calls the vet *'El-Charge-O'.

They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.

The GP's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells
like a rose!

Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant! God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door.

The silence was deafening.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

*Posted for laughs with no intention to offend any one, especially cat lovers.

Thanks to Angela who sent me this post.


The Annual Dementia Test

Posted by Unknown On 2 comments

It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below ensure you don't the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.


1. What do you put in a toaster?







Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else..
Try not to hurt yourself.


If you said, bread, go to Question 2.





2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?





Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.







3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?




Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???

If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.




4 Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on. In Swindon , 2 people get off and 4 get on. In Cardiff ,11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on. In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven ..

Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?









Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!

Don't you remember your own age?

It was YOU driving the bus!!

If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions.

Posted for laughs.

Thanks to Angela who sent me this post.


The Man who Misunderstood His Wife

Posted by Unknown On 4 comments

According to Arnold Sch********, it was just a little misunderstanding between him and his wife.

About ten years ago, when he told his wife Maria that their housekeeper had asked for a raise, Maria said, "Scr** her!"

He did.

Now they are separated and if they get divorced, it would be due to an irreconcilable difference over two English words.




How can anyone blame poor Arnie... after all English is not his native language.

-Author Unknown-

Posted as a reminder of the irony of life....We all have to be careful with our words, the interpretation of messages and to live life without hurting others.

Thanks to Angela who sent me this post.


Enlightening and Amusing Facts

Posted by Unknown On 2 comments

Knowledge can educate, baffle or amuse us. Take a look at the following list that Angela sent me yesterday. Take care and have a wonderful week ahead!

[1] FORTNIGHT comes from 'Fourteen Nights' (Two Weeks).

[2] POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened.

[3] MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'.

[4] BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody.

[5] DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped..

[6] NEWS refers to information from Four directions
N, E, W, and S.

[7] AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'.

[8] QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest..

[9] JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business.

[10] TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips.

[11] JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'.GP was changed into JEEP later.

[12] Coca-Cola was originally green.

[13] The most common name in the world is Mohammed..

[14] The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with Asia, America, Australia, Europe

[15] The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

[16] TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

[17] Women BLINK nearly twice as much as men!!

[18] You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

[19] It is impossible to lick your elbow.

[20] Wearing HEADPHONES for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

[21] It is physically impossible for PIGS to look up into the sky.

[22] The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

[23] Each KING in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.

Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

[24] What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?

Ans. - All invented by women.

[25] A CROCODILE cannot stick its tongue out.

[26] A SNAIL can sleep for three years.

[27] All POLAR BEARS are left handed.

[28] BUTTERFLIES taste with their feet.

[29] ELEPHANTS are the only animals that can't jump.

[30] In the last 4000 years, no new ANIMALS have been domesticated.

[31] STEWARDESSES is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

[32] The human HEART creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

[33] RATS multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

[34] People say "BLESS YOU" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

[35] If you SNEEZE too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. So good to bless the sneezing person


Fantastic Household Tips

Posted by Unknown On Sunday, July 3, 2011 0 comments

Keeping tofu firm
Soft tofu in the cooking process is very easy to break into pieces.
If you want to maintain the integrity of tofu, you can soak it in salt water for about 30 minutes before cooking.

Soup is too salty
If this happens, the remedy is to add cooked potato pieces for few minutes.
The potato will absorb the salt.
When soup is served, then remove the potatoes.




Soak a little vinegar before cutting taros
Cutting taro can make your hands itching.
Soaking your hands in vinegar before cutting taros will prevent your from itching.

How to remove the wax from an apple?
If you often eat apples with their skin, then you would need to remove the wax first before eating ....
(a) place the apple into hot water, the apple's wax will vanish.
(b) Apply toothpaste on the apple to clean out the wax.

How to make good rice?
After washing rice in water, add a few drops of lemon juice, (or a few drops of oil), cooked rice will turn out good and fragrant.

How to keep biscuits crispy?
When storing biscuits in a container, put a sugar cube in it at the same time.
As the sugar absorbs the moisture in the container, biscuits or cookies can remain crispy and delicious.

What can be done if clothing stains with ink?
If ink gets on your clothing or fabric, you can use cooked rice or paste with a little detergent to remove the stain.
Use your fingers to smear repeatedly on the spot, stain can be removed quickly.
Then soak it into fresh water with ordinary cleaning agent for a period of time before washing.

How to treat smelly shoes?
Put a small amount of baking soda directly into the boots, sneakers or shoes, that are obviously smelly due to dampness.
Baking soda powder has the effect of absorbing moisture and odour.

Ring around the collar, or spotty under the armpit area of the clothing?
First brush some shampoo, shaving cream or lotion on the dirty area for five minutes.
Then wash off the stain.

How to keep flower fresh?
Adding a little beer in the vase can keep house flowers fresh for an extended period of time.
This is because beer contains alcohol which is both antiseptic and disinfectant.
Beer also contains sugar and other nutrients for the leaves.

How to sharpen scissors?
Stacked three aluminium foil together, then cut them with the scissors to be sharpen.
You will see surprising result.

How to remove annoying gummed labels?
It is quite annoying when comes to remove the price tags on merchandise.
To remove the gummed labels neatly, all you need is to use a hair dryer to apply heat on the label before taking them off.

Remove crayon graffiti from wooden furniture.
If you you kids at home, wooden furniture are subject to crayon graffiti.
Crayon stains can not be removed with water.
Although the use of paint solvents can do the job, the paint on the surface could be damaged.
The most suitable method is to use toothpaste.
Not only it cleans, it does no harm to the furniture.

Use vinegar to help mopping the kitchen floor.
The kitchen floor is often easy to get greasy. Before mopping the kitchen floor, pour some vinegar on the mop.
This will enable easy removal of grease.

How to remove stains from tea cups?
Stained tea cups can affect their appearance.
To clean up the stain with a man-made loofah cloth the cups would have scratches in the long run.
Just spread a little toothpaste and hand-wash the cups, stain can be removed easily.
If the stain is too thick, wait a few minutes after applying toothpaste before washing.

Improved floor sweeping
The unused stockings can be attached to a broom to clean the floor.
Stockings can help sweeping up cotton, hair and other particles that are difficult to sweep with an ordinary broom.

-Author Unknown-

Thanks to TO who sent me this list. Take care and rest well, dear readers!


Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

Posted by Unknown On 4 comments

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.


My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his cheque book open.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Marriage–a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.

A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.

I fell in love at first sight… I should have looked twice.

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays

The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

*Posted for laughs with grateful thanks to TO. Have a restful evening!


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