Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.
Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."
The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
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The Damned Egg
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.
The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.
The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.
The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"
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Being An Egg
If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg?
* You only get laid once.
* You only get eaten once.
* It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft.
* You share your box with 11 other guys.
* But worst of all.... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
So cheer up.....Your life ain't that bad!!!
Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay, I mean day.
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The Jewish Samurai
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.
A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces!The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around.The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"
And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised."
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Freds' Note
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"
20 comments to SUNDAY MORNING HUMOR
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Anonymous Dear Denim Girl,
A real life tragical comedy.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/jan/15/students-evacuated-school-chollas-view/
Looks like our school system is not the only one which is in deep doo-doo.
Denim Guy
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Unknown Dear Nick
Good morning! I am glad you like the humor. Ironically, I think some of them apply most aptly to our country.
Haha! Love your comment and the puns :-) in your third paragraph - satirical humor and telling it like it is - all rolled into one.
Well, I feel that with all the madness rising around us, we all need to unwind with some humor, be it silly or satirical, lest we explode.
Take care, keep smiling and continue to be that caring Malaysian whom I know you are...
Have a nice day!
Salam
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Unknown Dear Denim Guy
Many thanks for that link. A relative and another former classmate of mine live near that place.
Basically, this is the influence of the Internet and also mass media in terms of the type of films that we see and also comics/manga which are more violent in nature.
Core values of humanity and other critical factors are deemed as unimportant and it almost seems as though mankind has degenerated to a very alarming level ...
Such is the impact of modern society and all its trappings!
Take care and thanks for sharing.
Cheers
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suki Did u hear about the tale of two Malaysian politicians who died and when one saw the other one remarked wow u have a super model and u only served the govt for 15 years whereas i served for 22 years and have this old hag,an angel comes along and say's well the hag is your punishment whereas the other is the model's punishment.
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QQ Thanks for all your jokes, be they silly or satirical.
Indeed, there's tremendous happiness in making others happy!
Have a beautiful Sunday
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Anonymous Compliments to you for the brilliant, satirical humor.
We really have a good laugh!
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Unknown Dear Suki
Haha! That is a good one! Have not heard it before...Thanks for sharing.
Take care and have a nice day.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear QQ
You are most welcome. Thanks for being so supportive. I am blessed by your visits and comments. Have a great day with plenty of joy and laughter.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 10.36 a.m.
You are most welcome. Laughter is good for the soul and heart!
Take care and have a blessed day!
Cheers
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Cat-from-Sydney Can someone please write "How to Rob A Bank for Dummies", puuurrrrlease!!!
Eeuwww...O Wise Master,
I'll never look at vanilla pudding the same way again. yuk! purrr...meow!
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gee Q:In East Malaysia,is the Christian god referred to as Allah?
A: Yes
Q: They are speaking in Bahasa Malaysia?
A: Yes
Q: The Christian God is referred to as Allah in Bahasa?
A: Yes
Q: So it is not wrong?
A: No(In East Malaysia)
Q: Bahasa Malaysia is the same in whole Malaysia?
A:?
Q: They all sit for same exam? UPSR? PMR?
A: Yes
Q: One Language,One nation?
A: Yes
Q: Bahasa Malaysia same in whole country?
A:?
Q: So why can't Allah be used in West Malaysia?
A: Because we say so
Q: Why?
A: Because we say so
Q: Why?
A: There are enactments
Q: Why?
A: Because we say so
Q: Can you qoute anything from the Quran that prohibits this?
A: No
Q: So,why do you say so?
A: For harmony
Q: Isn't it better to educate the people that it is ok?
A: No
Q: Why?
A: Because we say so (and we'll have real harmony.)
Q: Who is this we? Do you have a consensus?
A: What is that?
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Unknown Dear Cat-in-Sydney
Haha!!! You are so cute...Shhhh don't tell Brad or he give you vanilla pudding LOL!! Take care and have a lovely day!
Salam
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Unknown Dear Gee
*clapping* Brilliant!!! Superb piece that is such a satirical take on the current scenario.
Thanks for sharing...Keep up the wonderful writing...
Have a nice day and God bless you.
Cheers
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Village Boy If one lights a fire for others, one will brighten one's own way.
Dear Sis,
I believe you have been tirelessly helping and thinking more of others than yourself. I really admire and salute this spirit.
Keep up the good job.
God bless
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Unknown Dear Village Boy
Many thanks for your kind and encouraging comment. I am touched by your caring nature and am blessed to have regular readers like you and the others who understand me and know what I am trying to do here.
Sometimes it is not easy. To be honest, to write the way I do is not easy. Of course I would want to fill the space with all kinds of bullets and ammunition but anger does nothing but create more divisions.
To persuade, we have to look at matters squarely and fairly and to lay out the facts on the table. Subtle nuances are more difficult to formulate than rants and each time, I have to think of the implication of what I write to ensure it is not libelous or seditious because I do not want to land in hot soup and then I would achieve nothing...
At the same time, if I were to rant all the time, it would not only be depressing for me but also for other readers. I have many friends who have stopped reading the news for that reason because it is too depressing - that is why I always try to remain hopeful even if it is just a tiny glimmer of hope that I see...
Thus, I include jokes and other posts in between to break the gloomy ambiance of our political climate with the hope that the laughter will dispel our cares...even if momentarily...
:-)
Take care and have a good day!
God bless you, dear brother.
Shalom
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Ckw Life is like a marathon. It doesn't matter whether you are in the lead or trailing at the back. If you give up on yourself and stop running, it is like ending the race prematurely.
Life is an integrated game. Though you may lose in one event, that doesn't necessarily mean that you may not win in others. Hence, be bold, be courageous and never give up on yourself.
Though you may suffer, that experience will come back to you to strengthen you to the same degree it once hurt you.
Regards
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Unknown Dear CKW
Many thanks for your very encouraging and sensitively written comment which is most inspiring. I appreciate the kind thoughts behind this gesture and am blessed to have you as a reader...
Indeed, life is a race which we finish only when we expire. Your statement about how hurtful experiences strengthen us is so true for me....
Yup - I will continue to be bold and wise to continue this mission for a better nation.
Take care and may your life be filled with moments that matter and showers of blessings.
Have a great day!
Cheers
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Hafiz b Shukor All of us are born with our own individual, unique abilities and characteristics. To be truly successful in life, we are bound to use what gifts we have to their very limits and fulfill whatever mission we are called to. Only then will we live fully worthwhile lives and enjoy continuous and genuine happiness.
Salam
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Unknown Dear Saudara Hafiz
Many thanks for your very profound comment that certainly makes us think about ourselves and the direction of our lives.
Take care and thanks for sharing.
Have a lovely evening.
Salam
nick Sis,
Love to read your jokes early in the morning amid all the nonsense being splattered all over the country. BUT isn't it curious that the BE is less when the Pee M is not in?
Therefore I have come out with a new Murphy's law which is " The amount of mess and BE being splattered in this country is inversely proportional to the IQ of the current Pee M".
BTW if there is an operational sperm bank, what kind of return comes (no pun intended) to a fixed deposit account? And do they give out loans? Or maybe just like all the other bank, they make you fill up all kind of forms and then jerk you off (literally)?
Hamba.
Have a great day Sis.