masterwordsmith-unplugged

Some of you who have been reading my blog for some time would have concluded that I am quite a madcap as can be seen by the diversity of my writings. If you have not reached that conclusion yet, I am sure you will by the time you finish reading this post. Anyway, I hope this post will give you a jump start to the week. You are most welcome to send in your responses/comments to any of the questions listed below. I do miss setting exam questions and marking scripts!!! :-)

A special surprise awaits the reader/s who submits the most creative answer. I wish my teachers gave me such questions for exams!!! For the record, I never set such questions when I was lecturing!! :-) This was posted just for fun! Have a good laugh and a great week!
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Sexism Studies Exam

Time allowed 3 hrs.

Attempt any ONE question from Section A or Section B and leave it in the comment page or if you suffer from verbal diarrhoea, kindly email your response to mwsunplugged.blogspot.com

Section A

1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't stand a chance against you and your mates. Include in your answer:

a) Why they kick the ball like spastics and catch crocodile style

b) How you would train them once you beat them in a game.

2. Silicon jobs are plastic but look good in photographs. Explain the merits and demerits of silicon jobs as creatively and as humorously as possible.

a) Compare and contrast the way men and women use the bathroom.

3. Women drivers. Discuss.

Section B

1. Describe an experiment to impress a girl by lighting a fart.


a)What apparatus would you require?
b)What risks would you run in lighting a fart and what are the benefits?
c)Write a balanced chemical equation to describe the reaction that takes place when an eggy fart is lit in a pub with a match.

2. Name something a woman has invented.

3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their pension 5 years earlier. Explain why this isn't fair, making reference to your lazy old granny who lived to be 100 and your poor grandad who worked 52 years down the pit and died the day before he retired.

4. Argue heatedly over the respective merits of the Lamborghini Diablo and the Ferrari Testarossa without ever having seen, let alone driven,either.

5. Discuss the philosophical implications of this statement: "If a man speaks in a forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?"

Deadline: 11.59p.m., February 22nd, 2010

Remember that you can leave your answer in the comment box or email to mwsunplugged@gmail.com
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This one is specially dedicated to Cat-in-Sydney :-).

A Cat's Guide - Training Your Human


1. CHAIRS AND RUGS:

If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.

2. DOORS:

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.

After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

3. GUESTS:

Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap.If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing.

For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.

When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you always allow me on the table when company isn't here."

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

4. WORK:

If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are the rules for hampering:

A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can't be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled.

B. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a news paper, claw at it until shredded. Your human will appreciate a home-made toy!

C. For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball of yarn. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.

5. PLAY:

It is important. Get enough sleep in the day time so you are fresh for playing catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed between 2am and 4am.

MOST IMPORTANT: Begin people training early. You will then have a smooth- running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
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Please leave a comment if you wish to share your thoughts. I always enjoy reading and responding to your comments. Thanks and have a great week.