Employed by his Lordship to spread malaise, he delighted in numbing his subjects into stupor at the wonder of his supposed intelligence. In reality, his listeners were stumped into silence at the stupidity and ludicrousness of his tales and myths.
The irony of it all was that there were actually people who enjoyed listening to his balderdash and believed the yarn he spun from dawn till dusk.
Walking into the court one day, he heard the other Viziers complaining about how their fiefdom was being bypassed by travellers from other fiefs.
"What utter nonsense are you garbling?" said Marauder as he picked his nose, distorted it unrecognizably and then pulled out a bountiful harvest and promptly rolled it into a nugget for all to see.
"Now this, my loyal subjects, is the ULTIMATE in life - enjoying the little pleasures that life can give you," he sniggered while flicking his harvested booger away in the direction of his dog who happily jumped up to catch it in its mouth and then licked his face, slurping noisily.
"Come on, you morons! Why worry? We are self-sufficient. Take a look at the fields yonder. Can't you see those simpletons who slave for us just because we told them that in time, we will give them their own fields? Idiots. They should go back to where they came from. Anyway, we have enough crops to feed the people of this land. Everyone is happy. Don't worry, be happy!" he spoke authoritatively as he strutted across the court to examine the nose of one of his soldiers.
"But, Your Excellency," said one of the junior Viziers, "I fear the other fiefs around us will surpass us in produce of the land because they are working very hard and getting the best workers from our land to till their fields."
"Let them go. If they think the grass is greener on the other side, good riddance to bad rubbish!" said Vizier Marauder with much nonchalance.
"Look here, young man," he continued."Dreamsvillians are happy. You get it? H-A-P-P-Y! You dimwits. Listen to me. There’s no major catastrophe in Dreamsville. By Jove, our national past-time is dreaming! And it's free! There's no quarrel, no feud, no impending war so what's your problem? The others are just jealous of our progress. Come on - GET REAL!"
"Why don't the rest of you just go back and get a good nostril haircut? You are talking through your noses and not making sense."
"I am very happy where I am and you can ask our neighbouring fiefdoms to visit Dreamsville and let them eat their hearts out when they see us doing our national past-time - DREAMING. I am going to sleep now, if you don't mind. Call me only when there is a real problem! Remember- I do not want to be disturbed."
And so Dreamsvillians continued to rot as they all pretended to live in the throes of happiness when in actual fact, they were rotting in the pits of ultimate denial!
Did the neighbouring fiefdoms overtake them? You bet!
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JournoDownUnder Dear MWS,
What a witty and cunning story. You should consider writing fiction for a change, you know, something in the veins of Tales from the Crypt. That dog looks cute, though booger-less. Is it yours? I prefer comely sheep and goats myself.