THINGS I LEARNT FROM TELEVISION

Posted by Unknown On Saturday, February 27, 2010 22 comments
From the 1960's to 1980's. I was a die-hard television addict. Days and nights were either spent reading novels, classics, comics, MAD magazines or Beano/Dandy/DC or Marvel Comics or I would spend hours watching my favorite television programs. In the 1960's, I remember my favorite cartoon was The Flintstones, The Black and White Minstrel Show, Skippy, Lassie, The Dean Martin Show while in the 1970's, I loved Charlie's Angels, The 6 Million Dollar Man, Starsky and Hutch, Dallas, Flamingo Road and so on. My addiction slowly phased out in the 1980's because I graduated to more musical pursuits.



For a change, I thought I'd post a list of things I learnt from television which I collected from here and there. Have a good laugh while remembering some of these scenes from programs that you watched before. Do leave a comment if you wish to share your personal observations. Thanks! Have a great weekend!

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THINGS I LEARNT FROM TELEVISION

* During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
* When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
* If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a parade - at any time of year.
* All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
* The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
* All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
* It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
* The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
* Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
* The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
* If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
* You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
* If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
* When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
* Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
* If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
* Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
* Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
* All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
* A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.
* Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
* Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
* It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
* Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
* It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
* A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
* When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
* No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
* Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
* You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
* Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

22 comments to THINGS I LEARNT FROM TELEVISION

  1. says:

    stephen Ha Ha how very true! and you can always tell the crooks from the heroes.
    Used to enjoy The Thunderbirds (captain Scarlet),Astro boy,Speed Racer,The Samurai,The Munsters during my childhood days and I don't know whether you recall Petticoat Junction,The courtship of Eddie's father and Vegas.

    Ah memories,unfortunately we are only given one take for our lives, no retakes or editing possible like in the movies.So we have to try to give our best performance at all times I suppose!

  1. says:

    Cat-from-Sydney O Wise Master,
    You missed a few more.
    Animals talk to each other in human language.
    Pets, even a goldfish, can talk to their guardians/carers in English.
    Rats can sing.
    Pigs can become sheepdogs.
    Oh, and last but least, as Incredible Hulk's body expands, only his shirt gets torn. His pant remain intact. Wonder what happens to his underwear.
    har har har *evil laugh*

    Brad

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Stephen

    Unbelievable! I love all the programs you watched - except for Vegas though...

    I remember I was about 5 when I first started watching "The Thunderbirds" and did not believe they were puppets even though my mom explained to me time and time again.

    Very philosophical input you have shared too, Stephen. Sign of old age tee hee hee ;-)!!!!

    Thanks so much for another blast to the past. Have a lovely weekend!

    Take care and God bless!

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Cat-in-Sydney

    You are fantastic!!! Hahahahaa!!! Love the list you have shared!!!

    So many of my friend used to hero worship the Incredible Hulk character played by Bill Bixby! Aiyo - thinking about his underwear at this time of the day on a Saturday morning????

    Tsk tsk tsk...very naughty LOL!!

    Take care and have a great weekend.

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Cat-from-Sydney O Wise Master,
    Talking about underwear, let me add another wisdom from TV.
    It's OK to wear your undies on the outside as long as you save the world - Superman.

    har har har *evil laugh*

    Brad

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Brad

    Aha - You are very cheeky!!! I am sure you terrorize Angelina LOL and the others!!

    Haha! Thanks for the laughs. Have a great weekend!

    Salam

  1. says:

    Anonymous Hello, MWS.

    Those days these foreign TV fares served to provide some worthy entertainment after a hard days work.

    The Gomen propaganda machinery soon took those popular fare away to waste its allocation for the racist local artiste fare which did not appeal and was still charging that 24 ringgit license fee a year.

    Today, I can't even bear to stand a second's worth of soundbit blast from the local TVs(all of 'em!) and I will not turn on the TV until I've selected the Channel on Astro.

    ~wits0~

  1. says:

    Anonymous THE THING I know about (local) TELEVISION"

    It's an irredeemable affront and a threat to sanity!!!

    ~wits0~

  1. says:

    Anonymous Didn't like Manix and "mandatory" mug of coffee.

    Didn't like Telly Savalas and that lollipop. He's got too much of a crooked lecherous look!
    The role bery suitable for him was the later day remake of 'Beau Geste', as the psychotic sargeant major! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060155/

    Dallas was like, "Dull-Us". It was a little amusing though with JR's demonic looks and expression. Lots of females loved it, I know.

    ~wits0~

  1. says:

    Unknown Hi ~wits0~

    Sorry for this late response. I was chatting with my goddaughter in skype...ladies talk haha!

    I stopped watching local tv from 1989 when I had my older boy. Then when cable tv came into the scene, I only watched Hallmark movies and stopped watching cable tv from 2008. My son watches National Geographic, Animal Planet, and other edu programs. Even then, he stopped watching for six months so we were donating money to cable tv.

    Recently, we switched on the tv - only to discover we could not watch Nat Geo ...so we called up the Customer Care Officer who told us we had to update our receiver!!!

    So for months, we had been donating money to Astro!

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear ~wits0~

    Agree!!! Books take centre stage in my home. My husband has banned me from buying any more :-( because there is no more space in the house :-(. Books are piled everywhere in the house from the living room, dining room to the kitchen and even in the bathrooms!

    We can live without tv but not without internet or books and music! :-)

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear ~wits0~

    Aha - I did not like Mannix too and seldom watched KOJAK. Strangely, some of my classmates then regarded Telly Savalas to be such a gorgeous guy. *gulp* I am more of a Robert Redford, Harrison Ford, Tom Selleck and George Clooney type haha!

    I loved Dallas because of the clothes, glamour and intrigue! Not for JR...eeeew!

    So, till today, I do not know what are the numbers for the Astro Channels. I can only remember no 10 for Hallmark and 50, 51 52 etc for Nat Geo...I have been told it is a different code now and have yet to experiment :-).

    Frankly, I prefer watching movies such as "Cinema Paradiso", "The Legend of 1900", "La Vie En Rose" and loads of foreign movies, even Iranian movies - which have powerful messages. Believe me - it is so difficult to get my hands on these movies.

    Check out my review of Cinema Paradiso. Have you watched it?

    Take care and have a good day!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Anonymous "I can only remember no 10 for Hallmark and 50, 51 52 etc for Nat Geo.."

    Press the "GUIDE" button on the remote. ;)

    ~wits0~

  1. says:

    Monyet King MWS, thanks for featuring the Simpsons which is our family's favourite programme.

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear ~witso~

    :-) I know...but I would have to scroll down and it is so tedious...I rather sink into the sofa and read my books or stare at the pc screen than to watch tv :-).

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Dr. Bala

    Ahhh - You are most welcome! My older boy loves The Simpsons but since he left for further studies, no one watches it any more :-(....

    I used to love it too!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Anonymous 60 long years ago Tarzan was my idol
    & even till NOW i love his yelling :
    " O..e..O ! Tarzan mo cheng koh " !!

  1. says:

    semuanya OK kot On the perfect world of TV, movies and comics, you mentioned parking, but there are others:
    - You get a taxi instantly.
    - You always have change for the pay phone, which is not vandalised.
    - Almost every crime can be solved within 1 episode. Only about 5% or less take 2 episodes.
    - Police in democratic countries interrogate professionally.
    - Superheroes coordinate their activities with the local police, who arrive just in time to take the crooks into custody. There is no need for the superheroes to make a police statement.
    Other stuff:
    - Every self-respecting crook knows how to disable the brakes of any car, and the hero will only fnd out when he starts going downhill.
    - There is a high chance of a burglar being interrupted by the return of the owner.
    By the year 2020, local productions will replace all this corrupting foreign stuff, and everything will be "even more perfect".

  1. says:

    QQ One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears - by listening to them.

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Anon @ 3.05 pm

    Haha! I used to like Tarzan too haha and his infamous yell...

    Cheers!

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Semuanya OK kot

    Brilliant! Thanks so much for your input. You must have watched lots of TV programs in the past like yours truly :-).

    Your prediction about 2020 may come to pass sooner that that!

    Take care and enjoy the weekend. I always appreciate your learned input.

    God bless you and yours.

    Cheers

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear QQ

    Very true!! Listening is a dying art that has to be mastered.

    Take care and God bless you for being a patient listener.

    Cheers

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