masterwordsmith-unplugged

In two days, many all over the world will be celebrating Christmas. If you are reading this while at work, perhaps you are already in a holiday mood. Just in case you are feeling low at the thought of working while others are having a good time, here's some humor to bring that smile to your face. Have a nice day and Merry Christmas!

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Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA: I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas

NARCISSISTIC: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and . . .

PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna
Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why

DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is
Lonely

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, …….. (better start
again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love
Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

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Christmas Jokes – YOU MIGHT BE A SCROOGE IF

- Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
- You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
- You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
- Your favorite version of “A Christmas Carol” stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton.
- Your favorite version of “Babes in Toyland” stars Michael Jackson.
- Your favorite version of “The Nutcracker” stars Andrew Golata.
- You get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night.
- You give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
- Your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
- Your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.
- Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
- You think “Ho, Ho, Ho” is a line from a Rocky movie.
- Your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
- You use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
- Your favorite version of “Silent Night” is sung by OJ Simpson.
- Your favorite version of “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” is sung by the KKK choir.
- Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.

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Tequila Christmas cookies

BE SURE TO READ IT ALL – THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!

Tequila Christmas Cookies:

1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tbsp. lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle tequila

Sample the tequila in a large glass to check quality.

Take a large bowl, and check the tequila again, to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK, so, try another cup.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit and the damn cup off the floor.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Put the bowl through the window, finish off the booze and make sure to put the dirty stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS TO ALL!

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Keep that smile on your face and have a lovely day, dear reader. When shopping for presents, do remember the orphans and the elderly. If you can, visit an orphanage or an old folks' home and spread a little Christmas cheer and love around....Merry Christmas!