masterwordsmith-unplugged: At The ATM *humor*

At The ATM humor

Posted by Unknown On Friday, January 14, 2011 5 comments

A host of new drive through cash points is set to sweep through the country, and the national association of bankers has issued the following guidelines to ensure full, efficient use of this new system when it becomes operational in the new year:

MEN:
1. Pull up to Automatic Drive Through Cash Machine
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number
4. Take cash, card and receipt

WOMEN:
1. Pull up to Automatic Drive Through Cash Machine
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in handbag
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in handbag
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in handbag for old receipt with PIN number written on it.
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for deposit envelope
15. Look in handbag for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Sign cheques
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys.
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in chequebook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in chequebook
35. Clear area in handbag for wallet and chequebook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release handbrake

5 comments to At The ATM humor

says:

January 14, 2011 at 1:53 PM

Anonymous step 30, can no do-lah. card needs to be removed first before cash is dispensed!

says:

January 14, 2011 at 2:26 PM

Anonymous Women - A bone of our bone and a flesh of our own flesh. God has no more inspiring description of a real woman than the beautiful portrait He provides in Proverbs 31. She is described in phrases such as these; "noble character...she is worth far more than rubies...her children arise and call her blessed...her husband, he praises her." What is this woman's secret?

Part of that secret is found in Proverbs 31:11 - "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." This man is a rich man because he has found a woman he can totally trust. He feels safe with her. There is something priceless and all too rare about a woman who has the ability to make a man feel safe.

Every man needs a woman who will love the little boy inside. The man seems so self-assured on the outside; the boy inside is more self-conscious, not all that confident. What he doesn't need is a woman who is his constant critic, or nag, or competitor.

And what's the secret of being that kind of woman? Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

This is a woman who brings her needs to the Lord. She feels safe with the Lord so she can gently, consistently provide the safe harbor a man so desperately needs. She's the kind of woman you don't have to impress, that you can call on anytime! She is God's instrument to bring out the best in a man!

May all the women out there learn those beautiful verses as above and may all the men feel safe in their own home and say, Amen ! For surely she shall be a helpmate in times of need and the two shall be of one flesh. To God be the glory and forever more.

says:

January 14, 2011 at 11:41 PM

Unknown Dear Anon # 1

Wow!! You are a sharp reader with an ever sharper mind! Thanks for pointing that out!

Cheers

says:

January 15, 2011 at 10:41 PM

Unknown Dear Anon # 2 whom I believe is ahoo

Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful tribute to women and for inspiring us to be better and better in our ministry and purpose on earth.

Take care and may you continue to be blessed and be a blessing to those who know you and even to this blog!

Shalom

says:

January 17, 2011 at 6:12 PM

Anonymous Please take note that the above humor is based on "Drive Through" ATM scenarion. Those days you may find them in Standard Chartered Bank in Jalan Melaka KL, CitiBank in Jalan Tebrau, JB and some places of which I have no chance to use it.

Those points from 1 to 41 for women may be entirely correct and not as mentioned by anon 1 above. Note that in the old days the user's software flow was different from now.

Point 20- she makes her cash withdrawal but forgot to take card
and receipt and thus point 30 is there.

In today's version, we must remove card FIRST before the ATM will dispense the cash simply because many people will take the CASH and rush off leaving behind the card.

Too many of such instances till the banks decided that the user's flow be changed to suit people's lifestyle. There are some different user's flow that will retain the card through its motorised card reader if you remove cash while the card is still not taken within a specific time. It is to prevent your card from being taken by the next user.

The standard version of 3 wrong tries still applies to most ATMs as to prevent people not authorised from using your card to perform cash withdrawal. Sometimes we are caught with too many pin numbers and during an emergency to withdraw cash, we are stopped by the machine when we keyed in the wrong set of numbers.

Just my cents worth in clearing the air on ATM and its flow. One may hide under anon but there is the tell tales sign of one's writing. Shalom.

~ahoo~