If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
______________________
One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.
Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"
Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"
Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."
Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."
______________________
Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes. Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped. Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped. Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. the boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!!!"
______________________
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
______________________
Democrat Jokes and One-Liners
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?
A: Vultures will eat the skunk.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
A: Chelsea.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
Q: Why did God create Democrats?
A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.
Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?
Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!
They say that Christopher Columbus was the first Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.
The above jokes were harvested from emails sent to me over the past few months and I posted them for the sake of humor with no intention to offend or insult anyone.
Have a nice day everyone!
0 comments to Political Humor
Post a Comment