masterwordsmith-unplugged

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious stories about how hard things were when they were growing up.

What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year-round blizzards.

They carried their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local mill where they worked for 35p an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!



And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. We wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter-with a mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the goddamn WH Smith's and shoplift it yourself!

Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over some part of it and f*ck it all up! You want to hear about hardship?

You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the newsagent ! It was either that or jack-off to the lingerie section of your mum's Littlewood's catalogue!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, debt agency, your drug dealer or a pervert ! You didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the BBC Mirco ! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the cinema there no such thing as stepped seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed!

And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ... D'ya hear what the f*ck I'm saying!?!

We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little ba***rds!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.

You're spoiled, I swear to God!

You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!

-Author Unknown-