masterwordsmith-unplugged

A teacher was working with her seventh grade class on "Thinking Skills". She was giving some concrete examples of deductive reasoning skills.


"I'm holding an object behind my back", she said, "And it's round and red."


Little Mary in the front row stuck her hand up. "Is it a cherry?" she inquired.


"No," said the teacher,"It's an apple, but I like the way you think."


Next the teacher said, "I'm holding something behind my back. It's long and yellow. Can anyone guess what it is?"


"A banana! A banana!" shouted little Freddy.


"No," said the teacher, "It's a pencil, but I like the way you think."


A voice boomed from the back of the room. It was Dukie. "Hey teach, how about I hide something and you guess." Not to be outdone the teacher agreed.


Dukie swaggered up to the front of the room, dug his hand into his pocket, and said, "I've got something in my pocket. It's round and hard and it's got a head on it."


The teacher thought for a moment, her face reddened. "Dukie, that's obscene, sit down."


"No it's not teach," he said as he brought his hand out of his pocket. "It's a quarter, but I like the way you think."

_________________________

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he
began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"
_________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

________________________

The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Tyson," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did
you hear it?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that
language in here again."

After a moment, she thought she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't
know what it means."

"I do, too," Tyson corrected. "It means the car won't start."

_______________________________

T'was the night before finals, And all through the college,
The students were praying For last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays Danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor Would get their brains thinking.

In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
Dreading all those exams I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books,
And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were all muddy,
My eyes went a'blur, I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called Refused to deliver.

I'd pretty much concluded Life is unfair and cruel, Since our futures all depend On grades made in school.

When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off Ambled inside.

Her spirit was careless, Her manner was mellow,
She looked at the mess And started to bellow:

"Why should us students Make such a fuss,
About what those teachers Toss out to us?"

"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, And Last Minute Crams!"

Her message delivered, She vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing Outside in the night.

"Your teachers won't flunk you, So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All, And to All, a good test."