The following article written by George Papandreou, former prime minister of Greece, was first posted in Huffington Post. His remarks are adapted from a roundtable discussion at the Berggruen Institute of Governance recent "town hall" meeting in Berlin.
To those who were surprised that the European Union received the Nobel Peace Prize, I say: "Think twice." This was not only a deserved award for Europe's contribution to bringing peace and stabilizing democracies in the recent past -- the Nobel Committee was also sending a clear warning to contemporary leaders. I could almost hear them saying: "On this difficult odyssey, don't abandon ship. In today's world, the EU is too valuable to squander."
It was an indirect but powerful rebuttal to the dangerous nationalist and populist rhetoric some politicians have adopted when describing the recent financial crisis.
This message couldn't have come at a better time.
Like ghosts from the past, we see political violence, xenophobia, migrants being scapegoated and extreme nationalism creeping into our public debates -- even into our parliaments. This is a Europe diverging from its founding principles. Principles that rendered nationalistic hatreds an anathema.
But it is these politics of fear that seem to have incapacitated Europe. A Europe seemingly incapable of ending this crisis, a fractious Europe. This has undermined a sense of trust between us and in our European institutions. This climate does not inspire confidence either in our citizens or the markets. Nor will our retreat into a renationalization of Europe be the solution.
CLICK HERE for more.
According to Wikipedia:
Fear mongering (or scaremongering or scare tactics) is the use of fear to influence the opinions and actions of others towards some specific end. The feared object or subject is sometimes exaggerated, and the pattern of fear mongering is usually one of repetition, in order to continuously reinforce the intended effects of this tactic, sometimes in the form of a vicious circle.
Barry Glassner wrote an excellent paper on Narrative Techniques of Fear Mongering AT THIS LINK. Please check it out if you have time.
Desperadoes employ fear mongering which is largely errors in reasoning that weak-willed or tunnel-visioned spectators/audience swallow lock, stock and barrel as nothing but the truth.
A lot of it can be traced to the poor quality of education one has experienced or to put it bluntly, the lack of education which completely obliterates critical thinking skills.
James Bovard also wrote a brilliant piece HERE:
Excerpt:
In his 1776 essay, “Thoughts on Government,” John Adams observed, “Fear is the foundation of most governments; but it is so sordid and brutal a passion, and renders men in whose breasts it predominates so stupid and miserable, that Americans will not be likely to approve of any political institution which is founded on it.” The Founding Fathers hoped the American people would possess the virtues and strength to perpetuate liberty. Unfortunately politicians over the past century have used trick after trick to send Americans scurrying to politicians to protect them.
President Woodrow Wilson pulled America into World War I based on bogus idealism and real fear-mongering. Evocations of fighting for universal freedom were quickly followed by bans on sauerkraut, beer, and teaching German in government schools. H. L. Mencken observed in 1918: “The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed and hence, clamorous to be led to safety—by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.” In Mencken’s time he was often considered cynical. Subsequent developments have proven Mencken to be a prophet.
The Democratic Party relied heavily on the fear card in the 1920 presidential race. On the eve of the November vote that year Democratic presidential candidate James Cox declared: “Every traitor in America will vote tomorrow for Warren G. Harding!” Cox’s warning sought to stir memories of the “red raids” conducted in 1919 and 1920 by Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer, during which thousands of anarchists, communists, and suspect foreigners were summarily jailed and in many cases deported. The American people rejected Cox and embraced Warren Harding’s promise of a “return to normalcy.”
President Franklin Roosevelt put “freedom from fear”atop the American political agenda in his 1941 State of the Union address. But FDR’s political legacy—especially Social Security—has institutionalized fear-mongering in presidential and congressional races. Democrats perennially portray Republicans as planning to yank life support from struggling seniors.
For almost 50 years American politicians have used television ads to spur dread, most famously in the 1964 “Daisy” ad for Lyndon Johnson’s campaign. The ad showed a young girl, in the words of Jim Rutenberg in the New York Times, “picking the petals off a daisy before the screen was overwhelmed by a nuclear explosion and then a mushroom cloud and Mr. Johnson declared, ‘These are the stakes.’” The ad did not specifically claim that Barry Goldwater, the Republican nominee, would annihilate the human race, but the subtle hint wafted through. Though this ad only aired once, it instantly became a legend.
Whipping up fear was the flipside of President Bill Clinton’s “feeling your pain” political style. Clinton fanned people’s fear of guns, militias, and life without medical insurance. At the same time, the Clinton administration stretched the power of government on all fronts—from concocting new prerogatives to confiscate private property to championing FBI agents’ right to shoot innocent Americans to bankrolling the militarization of local police forces. Clinton was the Nanny State champion incarnate, teaching Americans to look to government for relief from every peril of daily life—from unpasteurized cider to leaky basements. As long as the President seemed to care about average Americans, his abuses were largely forgotten. (The 1996 Republican presidential candidate, Sen. Bob Dole, also promised to provide voters with “freedom from fear” via untying “the hands of the police.”)
CLICK HERE to read the rest of the entry.
Who is allowed to read through your e-mails – or update your Facebook page – when you die? In many states across the U.S., there are no clear answers to such basic legal questions.
That’s why Cynthia Creem, along with numerous other policy-makers nationwide, is fighting to bring clarity to the high-tech confusion. A Massachusetts state senator, Creem proposed a bill this year that would give executors access to email accounts of the deceased. “You would certainly have access to somebody’s desk,” Creem says. “Why should this be any different?” Her bill would make Massachusetts the sixth state to put a “digital asset” law on the books. But tech companies are wary of new privacy-related legislation—and in this case, Google hired a lobbyist to oppose it.
READ MORE HERE.
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve." Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes". -Author Unknown-
According to Mike Adams, Editor of Natural News:
Mammography is a cruel medical hoax. As I have described here on Natural News many times, the primary purpose of mammography is not to "save" women from cancer, but to recruit women into false positives that scare them into expensive, toxic treatments like chemotherapy, radiation and surgery.
The "dirty little secret" of the cancer industry is that the very same oncologists who scare women into falsely believing they have breast cancer are also the ones pocketing huge profits from selling those women chemotherapy drugs. The conflicts of interest and abandonment of ethics across the cancer industry is breathtaking.
Now, a new scientific study has confirmed exactly what I've been warning readers about for years: most women "diagnosed" with breast cancer via mammography never had a cancer problem to begin with!
93% of "early detection" has no benefit to the patient
That's the conclusion of a groundbreaking new study published in the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM).
"We found that the introduction of screening has been associated with about 1.5 million additional women receiving a diagnosis of early stage breast cancer," writes study co-author Dr. Gilbert Welch.
Now, at first, you might think that's a good thing. You might think, "Well, early detection saves lives, just like we've been told by Komen and the cancer non-profits."
But you'd be wrong. As Dr. Welch's team discovered, there was virtually no reduction in late-stage breast cancer from all this "early" diagnosis, meaning that most women who were told they had breast cancer after a mammogram were being lied to.
As he explains:
We found that there were only around 0.1 million fewer women with a diagnosis of late-stage breast cancer. This discrepancy means there was a lot of overdiagnosis: more than a million women who were told they had early stage cancer -- most of whom underwent surgery, chemotherapy or radiation -- for a "cancer" that was never going to make them sick. Although it's impossible to know which women these are, that's some pretty serious harm.
Yep, it is. In fact, if you do the math and calculate 0.1 million fewer women with advanced-stage cancer out of 1.5 million who were diagnosed, 93% of the "early detection" cancer cases studied were false positives, meaning that they would never have gone on to cause advanced-stage cancer anyway.
Chemo, radiation, cancer surgery largely a hoax
According to these scientists, "Breast cancer was overdiagnosed (i.e., tumors were detected on screening that would never have led to clinical symptoms) in 1.3 million U.S. women in the past 30 years."
Learn more at THIS LINK.
New images of a "born-again" planetary nebula give a glimpse of what our sun might look like in 5 billion years when it transforms into stellar giant near the end of its life cycle.
Scientists created the new stunning new view of the planetary nebula Abell 30 by combining visible-light images from the Hubble Space Telescope and X-ray observations from the European Space Agency's XMM-Newton and NASA's Chandra space telescopes. The Abell 30 nebula is located 5,500 light-years from Earth.
The term "planetary nebula" is somewhat of a misnomer that dates back to the 18th century when astronomers thought these glowing blobs looked like distant gas giants. A planetary nebula is actually made up of the shells of stellar material ejected from dying stars that have passed through the red giant phase after starting to run out of fuel.
CLICK HERE for more (including pictures and video).
It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:
Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury spokesman.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours. As long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart"cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.
-Author Unknown-
1. Laughter can kill
Fatal hilarity is death as a result of laughter. In the third century B.C. the Greek philosopher Chrysippus died of laughter after seeing a donkey eating figs (hey, it wasn't THAT funny).
On 24 March 1975 Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn, England, literally died laughing while watching an episode of The Goodies.
According to his wife, who was a witness, Mitchell was unable to stop laughing whilst watching a sketch in the episode "Kung Fu Kapers" in which Tim Brooke-Taylor, dressed as a kilted Scotsman, used a set of bagpipes to defend himself from a psychopathic black pudding in a demonstration of the Scottish martial art of "Hoots-Toot-ochaye".
After twenty-five minutes of continuous laughter Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and expired from heart failure. His widow later sent the Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell's final moments so pleasant.
2. Hypnotize Chickens!
A chicken can be hypnotized, or put into a trance by holding its head down against the ground, and continuously drawing a line along the ground with a stick or a finger, starting at its beak and extending straight outward in front of the chicken.
If the chicken is hypnotized in this manner, it will remain immobile for somewhere between 15 seconds to 30 minutes, continuing to stare at the line.
3. You can have an erection once dead
A death erection (sometimes referred to as "angel lust") is a post-mortem erection which occurs when a male individual dies vertically or face-down – the cadaver remaining in this position.
During life, the pumping of blood by the heart ensures a relatively even distribution around the blood vessels of the human body. Once this mechanism has ended, only the force of gravity acts upon the blood. As with any mass, the blood settles at the lowest point of the body and causes edema or swelling to occur; the discoloration caused by this is called lividity.
4. Toilet Deaths
There are many toilet-related injuries and some toilet-related deaths throughout history and in urban legends.
In young boys, one of the most common causes of genital injury is when the toilet seat falls down while using the toilet.
George II of Great Britain died on the toilet on 25 October 1760 from an aortic dissection. According to Horace Walpole's memoirs, King George "rose as usual at six, and drank his chocolate; for all his actions were invariably methodic. A quarter after seven he went into a little closet. His German valet de chambre in waiting heard a noise, and running in, found the King dead on the floor."
5. Picking and Eating Booger?
Mucophagy (literally mucus-eating, also referred as picking one's nose and eating it) is the consumption of the nasal mucus, boogers, and other detritus obtained from nose-picking.
Some research suggests that mucophagy may be a natural and even healthy activity, which exposes the digestive system to bacteria accumulated in the mucus, thereby helping to strengthen the immune system.
1. Always beautiful and cheerful - Could have married movie star but wanted only you.
2. Hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
3. Beauty that won't run in a rainstorm.
4. Never sick - just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
5. Insists that moving the furniture by herself is good for her figure.
6. Expert in cooking, cleaning, fixing the car or TV, mixing drinks, painting the house and keeping quiet.
7. Favorite hobbies: Mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. Hates charge plates.
8. Her favorite expression "What can I do for you, dear?"
9. Thinks you have Einstein's brains but look like Mr. America.
10. Wishes you would go play poker with the boys so she could get some sewing done. Loves you because you're SO-O-O Sexy.
What He Gets:
1. She speaks 140 words a minute with gusts up to 180.
2. She once was a model for a totem pole.
3. A light eater - As soon as it gets light she starts eating.
4. Where there's smoke, there she is - cooking.
5. She lets you know you only have two faults - everything you say and everything you do.
6. Her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.
7. The last time she used a broom was to fly somewhere.
8. If you get lost, open your wallet - she'll find you.
9. She fights with the neighbors just to keep in practice until you get home.
-Author Unknown-
1. Always beautiful and cheerful - Could have married movie star but wanted only you.
2. Hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
3. Beauty that won't run in a rainstorm.
4. Never sick - just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
5. Insists that moving the furniture by herself is good for her figure.
6. Expert in cooking, cleaning, fixing the car or TV, mixing drinks, painting the house and keeping quiet.
7. Favorite hobbies: Mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. Hates charge plates.
8. Her favorite expression "What can I do for you, dear?"
9. Thinks you have Einstein's brains but look like Mr. America.
10. Wishes you would go play poker with the boys so she could get some sewing done. Loves you because you're SO-O-O Sexy.
What He Gets:
1. She speaks 140 words a minute with gusts up to 180.
2. She once was a model for a totem pole.
3. A light eater - As soon as it gets light she starts eating.
4. Where there's smoke, there she is - cooking.
5. She lets you know you only have two faults - everything you say and everything you do.
6. Her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.
7. The last time she used a broom was to fly somewhere.
8. If you get lost, open your wallet - she'll find you.
9. She fights with the neighbors just to keep in practice until you get home.
-Author Unknown-
Please swing by later after lunch to check out "What Every Woman Expects and Gets". Have a great day!
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
"I am," is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do," is the longest sentence?
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Forget the health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted.
Rugby is a game played by a few gentlemen with odd shaped balls.
Before you meet your handsome prince you may have to kiss a lot of toads.
How can I know what I think until I hear what I say?
Jack and Jill did it for insurance.
Yesterday I could not spell computers and today I are a programmer.
If people actually looked like what they look like in their passport photos very few countries will let them in.
Laugh and people will laugh with you.Snore and you will snore alone.
If superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
Women's libbers should be put behind bras.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility and there are so few of us left.
Everytime I think the world is moving so fast, I go to the post office.
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man and communism is the reverse.
Have you noticed that the wrong calls are never busy?
Celibacy is not heriditary.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Part 1 of this post was posted at 6.33p.m. today AT THIS LINK. Here's the remaining part of the post which I am sharing for laughs with no intention to offend anyone regardless of gender. Thanks to Angela who sent me this post.
Part 2 of How Men Fail in Bed
21. NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a s** god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb V. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23. PERFORMING O*** S** TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your t***** there.
24. NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-p****, hoping that it will lead the mouth very swiftly there. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25. NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. S***m tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. Warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26. MOVING AROUND. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
27. TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28. MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29. ATTEMPTING A*** S** AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30. TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31. NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32. SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33. ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34. LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: A*** stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
35. GIVING LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36. BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
37. TALKING DIRTY. It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.
38. NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39. SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
40. THANKING HER. Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
-Author Unknown-
Thanks to Angela who sent me this post.
I received the following post from Angela in late September and even though I have read it many times, I still have a good laugh at this list which I am posting in two parts - just for laughs with no intention to offend anyone. The reason why I hesitated till now is because er...it is a bit over the limit. Nonetheless, I have 'censored' some parts in case it offends some readers.
The top 40 ways men fail in bed... Take notes, all you Casanovas!
Part 1 features No 1-20. Part 2 will be posted at 9.30pm this evening.
1. NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out non-essentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3. NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4. SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5. BITING HER N*****S. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Ni**les are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
6. TWIDDLING HER N****ES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the n*****s between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown V****a. So start paying them some attention.
8. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the d**n things off.
9. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. C**dom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10. ATTACKING THE C******S. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side.
11. STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14. BEING OBSESSED WITH THE V*****. Although most men can find the C without maps, they still believe that the v is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her C and the exterior of her V at first, then gently test the territory and see her response.
15. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17. TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18. GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the actual situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool -she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19. GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20. COMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
Part 2 (No 21-40) will be posted at 9.30pm. Don't forget to swing by later in the evening.
Here's an entertaining video that features superb animation. I posted it a few years ago when it first came out and am reposting for the benefit of those who might have missed it then.
CLICK HERE to watch PIGEON IMPOSSIBLE.
Have a lovely evening!
Enjoy the following post from SKT....
No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best
linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.
His final challenge was this: "Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand."
Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.
'Singapore in the 1960's' is a movie that will bring you down memory lane.
This is a good movie, especially for those born in
the 40's and 50's since it will bring you down memory lane !!!
It is set in Singapore's legendary amusement park named
Great World, which was also known in Hokkien as 'Tua Seh Kai'.
Spanning from the 1940s to the present day, the film presents four
tales centered around attractions within these once famous walls.
These
four stories include:
A clown on a quest to have his photo taken with English movie star
Elizabeth Taylor and tells his experience to his ageing mother.
The tale of a carnival shooting gallery operator who experiences her
first teenage love with a Malaysian medicinal oil seller's son.
A washed up diva of the Flamingo Nightclub who used to sing for her
lost love, and rediscovers true support by her audience and her
manager.
A lok-lok seller who narrates the story of his wedding dinner with his
mute wife the night the Japanese invaded Singapore during World War
II.
Interwoven into the film are stories of a multitude of characters that
lived, worked, played, sang danced and even fell in love in Great
World.
Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_0X0iSeTYE
Thanks to Angela who sent me this post.
Here is an interesting historical fact that you may not have known, (I sure didn't).
Just have a look at the calendar for the month of September 1752.
If you think I'm joking, you may search it on Google and see it for yourself. In case you haven't noticed, 11 days are simply missing from the month.
Here's the explanation:
This was the month during which England shifted from the Roman Julian Calendar to the Gregorian Calendar. A Julian year was 11 days longer than a Gregorian year. So the King of England ordered 11 days to be wiped off the face of that particular month. (A King could order anything, couldn't he?)
So the workers worked for 11 days less that month, but got paid for the whole month. That's how the concept of "paid leave" was born. Hail the King!!!
In the Roman Julian Calendar, April used to be the first month of the year; but the Gregorian Calendar observed January as the first month. Even after shifting to the Gregorian Calendar, many people refused to give up old traditions and continued celebrating 1st April as the New Year's Day.
When simple orders didn't work, the King finally issued a royal dictum; which stated that those who celebrated 1st April as the new year's day would be labeled as fools.
From then on, 1st April became April Fool's Day.
History is really interesting, isn't it ?
For more information, please CLICK HERE.
-Author Unknown-
Thanks to Angela who sent me this post.
After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn'twant to have any more children ....
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest fella in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1, 2, 3, 4,5......." at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in New Zealand, Tasmania, parts of Liverpool, Southern USA, and some areas near Gympie, QLD.
-Author Unknown-
Thanks to Kassim who sent me this joke which I am posting for laughs.
The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke with the toothache an anaesthetic injection.
“No way! No needles, I hate needles!” the bloke said.
So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas
And the man objects again. “I can't do the gas thing either. The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!”
She then asks the man if he has any objection to taking a pill.
“No objection,” the patient says. “'I'm fine with pills.”
When she returns she says, “Here's a Viagra and a glass of water.”
The man says, “Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”
“It doesn't” she said, "But it’ll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out."
-Author Unknown-
Thanks to SKT who sent me this joke which I am posting for laughs. Have a great day!
When you have an I Hate My Job day' , even if you're retired try this out:
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by
* & *.
Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer made by * & * is personally tested and then sanitized."
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times : I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at * & *.
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS!
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart....
Maybe you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson!
Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!
-Author Unknown-
Thanks to Freddie who sent me this old joke which I have posted before.
I am re-posting it for the benefit of those who may have missed this post.
Have a nice day.
Thanks to Freddie who sent me the following joke which I am posting for laughs. Have a great day!
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious... Here she is in the middle of dealing with this Syrian mess — now this has happened to her!
She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You bastard! How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!..............Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me?"
Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: "Who's Speaking"??? ~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."
He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
~~~~~~~~~~~
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm.
I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors"
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer.......
"Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."
I am posting the following joke for laughs and not for any racist slant. My apologies if this offends you in any way. And to my Patel friends from Penang, esp Mr. Patel whom I met two days ago at the Pos Laju office....and his lovely daughter whose baby is due next March, you all know I love good jokes so no offense please. Thanks to Freddie who sent me this joke.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a gentleman from India.
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?"
Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.
"Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Patel, the gentleman from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, (in his Gujju accent!)
"Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...
"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel.
"You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum,, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !"
Patel is now the new "Office Manager" at Wal-Mart in Washington.
-Author Unknown-
Have a lovely evening
SMART ARSE ANSWER 5
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ARSE ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
SMART ARSE ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.
The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ARSE ANSWER 2
A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, hey?"
The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"
SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A teacher at West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering..
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."
As some of you might have noticed, I took my blog off the radar this afternoon for a few hours. Why?
There is one particular reader who visits my blog on an on-off basis. Previously, the max number of pages this person read was 63 pages at one go, sometimes 57 or 53 pages. Abnormal right?
After an absence of a few months, this reader came again yesterday and today.
From Wed 21 Nov,21:23:14 p.m. till Thu 22 Nov, 7::47:49 p.m., this person went through 202 of my blog posts.
TOTAL TALLY:
Wednesday 21st November: 66 posts from 9:23pm to 11: 49 p.m.
Thursday 22nd November: 43 blog posts from 9:04am to 1:13pm and 2:31pm to 3:57pm.
93 blog posts from 7:36:25 p.m. to 8:57:26p.m.
The following screenshot can only show 202 of the pages read due to the time difference cut off.
Whoever you are, if you are looking for any particular article, please write to me at:
writetomws (at) hush dot ai
I will be most happy to send the specific article/s to you. It would save you a lot of time this way.
The same applies to anyone who is looking for an old article of mine and cannot find it.
I do apologise because as a retiree, I am old and forgetful so I sometimes forget to tag my posts or worse still, put the wrong tag. Hence, you may not be able to find what you are looking for.
So please feel free to send me a request and I will be happy to comply.
Just a note of clarification:
I do not blog on politics any more and will never write on political issues ever again.
Reason:
1. I have come to my senses, given up my political idealism and have returned to the normal world.
2. My priorities are:
a) Family
b) Health
c) Business
d) Real Friends
So, if you want to know what I think of the current political landscape, I have nothing to say because I do not even read the local news.
To my regular readers who have been coming to my blog even though I have not updated it for a few days, I want to say thank you.
I am very busy at the moment and will update normally when the dust settles.
In the mean time, please take care and may the God whom you believe in bless and guide you always.
Whoever you are, why are you just refreshing the page? Please do not mess up my blog statistics. Tell me what you want and I will send it to you.
Look at the following screenshots and see the unusual pattern of behaviour.
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
*Thanks to SKT who sent me this joke.
A fortnight ago, I blogged about how I am trying to rebrand myself (HERE) even in my sunset years. It has not been easy so far but certainly a worthwhile and a most exciting journey. At this point, I wait hopefully with anticipation for my potential to be maximised.
At the peak of my career in 1995, I resigned from my job because my older boy was going into Std 1. It was a painful decision but one which I do not regret. Frankly, I took two years to recover from the loss in income, status, prestige, recognition, opportunities and most of all, the teaching and self-development opportunities. From the time I left, it was a journey of hope for I knew not when my next pay cheque would be due. In retrospect, God has been good and I was not in any state of want because He met my needs. There were good months/years and drier times but all in all, I really learnt so many new skills and reached different heights of achievement.
Seventeen years down the road, when I should be in full retirement, I had this burgeoning desire to do more than what I had been doing and with the indirect relationship between rising costs of living and savings, I strode out in faith to start a business (with the lowest capital outlay possible) with a heart full of dreams, hopes and aspirations.
For too long, I had been an idealist. Even when it came to running this blog. In the 4.5 years of my blogging experience, I am well aware of the $$$ I could have earned via hosting ads in my blog or even receiving offers of monetary donations from readers (thanks to kind offers from caring readers) but I never succumbed to the allure of money and never accepted any $$$ contributions even when I was in dire straits. The only gifts I ever accepted have been edible stuff :-) especially chocolates/tim tams, books, soft toys, herbs/medicines, dinner treats and most of all, the gift of friendship.
And so dear reader, if you have been reading my blog regularly and wish to give back something in terms of referrals or business opportunities etc, this is your chance to help me :-).
This is my name card (Click for larger image):
Together with my experienced team, I will be offering specialist support in three areas which represent my areas of interest and experience:
Services
- Research
- Professional Writing
- Feasibility Studies
- Coaching
- Web Design
- Copy Writing, Branding, Packaging/Logo Design and Marketing
- Web Auditing
- Video Production/Editing
- Music Production/Recording, Jingles
- Etc.
Training
- Business Communication Training
- Human Resources
- Understanding Unemployment Act and Industrial Relations - A Course for New HR Executives
- Understanding New HR Professionalism Part I, Part II
- How to Make Business Presentations
- In-House Publications
- Motivational Talks
- Study Skills, Exam Techniques
- Etc.
Products
- Art pieces
- Antiques
- Portraits
- Photographic Art
- Handmade bags and ornaments
- Fashion Accessories
- Musical Products
- Apparel
- Vintage Sunglasses, sports shoes
- Botanical art i.e. rare plants planted in art nouveau style in beautiful, carefully selected driftwood
- Landscaping
- Etc.
Watch this space for more information as I will be introducing these slowly.
For further enquiries or to explore possibilities, please email masterwordsmith@yahoo.com
Your support, suggestions, contributions and referrals are deeply appreciated.
Thank you!
P.S. The blog will run as usual. There will be a different site connected to this site.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
Dain bramaged.
Department of Redundancy Department
Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Buy a Pentium/90 so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
E Pluribus Modem
... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
Hit any user to continue.
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversingwith inanimate objects.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
"I left my other vehicle in the broom closet."
Neuter Newt.
Judging by its Facebook network, Hastings High School in New York has one strange senior class. A student named “FunkMaster Floikes” is somehow rubbing shoulders with Lizzie McGuire and the fictional parents from That ‘70s Show. Meanwhile Samwise Gams (a nickname of a hobbit in Lord of the Rings) is listed as a 2012 alum.
At first glance, such social media profiles have all the makings of crude online pranks. But in reality, they have been strategically created by actual Hastings seniors determined to shield themselves from the prying eyes of college admissions officers. “There’s a fairly big party scene there,” says Sam “Samwise” Bogan, who is now a freshman at Dickinson College in Pennsylvania. “When the college search process comes around, people start changing their Facebook name or untagging old photos that they don’t want anyone to see. It’s kind of a ritual.”
Amid decades-old worries about GPAs, resumes, extracurricular activities and campus interviews, today’s college applicants must reckon with a new high-tech dilemma: Are colleges judging me based on my online activities? With top schools closely guarding the reasoning behind admissions decisions, many high schoolers are now assuming the worst and implementing online safeguards that would have never occurred to teenagers five years ago, when Facebook was just a private network and Google was still a noun.
It turns out students have good reason to worry. According to a recent Kaplan Test Prep survey of 350 admissions officers, more than 25 percent of school officials said they had looked up applicants on Facebook or Google. Off campus, a similar percentage of private scholarship organizations also acknowledge researching their applicants online, according to a National Scholarship Providers Association survey. Still, many admissions directors are reluctant to provide specifics in how they scour social feeds. No, many say, they don’t look up every applicant online, but yes, if they somehow come across an inappropriate tweet or Facebook post, it could factor into their decision. No, they’d never use it as the deciding factor between two similar applicants, but yes, students should be mindful of what they post.
Such ambiguity has sparked an array of conspiracy theories. Bogan speculates that colleges use the emails they gather on campus tours to later find students online, even if they’ve changed their names to cover their tracks. Other students openly claim that schools are colluding with Facebook to gain full access to applicants’ restricted online profiles. Meanwhile, some students worry that going dark on Facebook will make them seem anti-social,when colleges are actually looking for outgoing applicants.
Read more AT THIS LINK.
The telecom phenomenon that helped earn “LOL” and “OMG” spots in the Oxford English Dictionary seems to be past its peak. Text messaging is on the decline, according to a new study by mobile industry analyst Chetan Sharma. That doesn’t mean teenagers are going to stop burying their noses in their iPhones at the dinner table— cell phone users are actually finding free solutions that offer most of the efficiency of texting without the annoying monthly charge.
During the third quarter of 2012, the average American sent 678 texts per month. That’s a big number, but it’s actually the first time America’s texting habit has declined, down from a peak of 696 texts per month over the summer. Experts say the decrease is likely a sign of a permanent shift away from SMS messaging carried over the same network we use to make phone calls.
“With social networking and other platforms, they really take the messaging feature away from that usual channel,” says Wayne Lam, a wireless communication analyst at IHS Technology. “Consumers are messaging, but text messaging as a whole is competing with other forms of messaging.”
Five years ago, cell phone owners had two options for communication: call or text (maybe email if you were fancy and had a Blackberry). Now, with smartphones having a majority stake of the mobile phone market, most users have plenty of options for text-based communications. Facebook Messenger allows users to talk with their Facebook friends in real time on the go. The messaging client WhatsApp, which works similarly to a phone’s default texting program, has been downloaded 100 million times on Android phones alone. All iPhones now come preinstalled with iMessage, a texting client that lets users communicate without using up the texts on their carrier’s plan.
All these programs rely on wireless Internet connections or cellular data networks instead of the traditional voice networks that regular texts are sent through. These free options are cutting off a key revenue stream for telecom companies, which generate an estimated $20 billion from texting each year. Tactics like charging users 20 cents per text have maintained incredibly high profit margins in the sector but has also given way to competitors that are starting to challenge traditional messaging.
Read the rest of this entry AT THIS LINK.
A conservative is a person who lives in a past that never existed. A liberal prefers a criminal's rights to society's rights. You know you beat a liberal in an arguement when he calls you names. Diplomacy is the art of letting somebody else have your way. Chopped cabbage is not just a good idea, it's the slaw! It was a brave man who ate the first oyster. Everytime I think the world is moving so fast, I go to the post office. Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man and communism is the reverse. Have you noticed that the wrong calls are never busy? Celibacy is not heriditary. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? -Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways. If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of? No guts, no glory, no brain, same story. If quiters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"? If you don't die from it -- it is healthy. If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is Going on. One good turn gets most of the blankets. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. There are three kinds of people -- those who can count and those who can't. It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out. My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool. Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful. No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong. You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever. Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles. Never assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Common sense isn't. Nobody ever forgets WHERE they buried the hatchet.
This beautiful story took place in August 1942. Piotrkow, Poland.
The sky was gloomy that morning as we waited anxiously.
All the men, women and children of Piotrkow's Jewish ghetto had been herded into a square.
Word had gotten around that we were being moved. My father had only recently died from typhus, which had run rampant through the crowded ghetto. My greatest fear was that our family would be separated.
'Whatever you do,' Isidore, my eldest brother, whispered to me, 'don't tell them your age. Say you're sixteen.
'I was tall for a boy of 11, so I could pull it off. That way I might be deemed valuable as a worker.
An SS man approached me, boots clicking against the cobblestones. He looked me up and down, and then asked my age.
'Sixteen,' I said. He directed me to the left, where my three brothers and other healthy young men already stood.
My mother was motioned to the right with the other women, children, sick and elderly people.
I whispered to Isidore, 'Why?'
He didn't answer.
I ran to Mama's side and said I wanted to stay with her.
'No, 'she said sternly.
'Get away. Don't be a nuisance. Go with your brothers.'
She had never spoken so harshly before. But I understood: She was protecting me. She loved me so much that, just this once, she pretended not to. It was the last I ever saw of her.
My brothers and I were transported in a cattle car to Germany.
We arrived at the Buchenwald concentration camp one night later and were led into a crowded barrack. The next day, we were issued uniforms and identification numbers.
'Don't call me Herman anymore,' I said to my brothers. 'Call me 94983.'
I was put to work in the camp's crematorium, loading the dead into a hand-cranked elevator.
I, too, felt dead. Hardened, I had become a number.
Soon, my brothers and I were sent to Schlieben, one of Buchenwald 's sub-camps near Berlin.
One morning I thought I heard my mother's voice.
'Son,' she said softly but clearly, I am going to send you an angel.'
Then I woke up. Just a dream. A beautiful dream.
But in this place there could be no angels. There was only work. And hunger. And fear.
A couple of days later, I was walking around the camp, around the barracks, near the barbedwire fence where the guards could not easily see. I was alone.
On the other side of the fence, I spotted someone: a little girl with light, almost luminous curls. She was half-hidden behind a birch tree.
I glanced around to make sure no one saw me. I called to her softly in German. 'Do you have something to eat?'
She didn't understand.
I inched closer to the fence and repeated the question in Polish. She stepped forward. I was thin and gaunt, with rags wrapped around my feet, but the girl looked unafraid. In her eyes, I saw life.
She pulled an apple from her woollen jacket and threw it over the fence.
I grabbed the fruit and, as I started to run away, I heard her say faintly, 'I'll see you tomorrow.'
I returned to the same spot by the fence at the same time every day. She was always there with something for me to eat - a hunk of bread or, better yet, an apple.
We didn't dare speak or linger. To be caught would mean death for us both.
I didn't know anything about her, just a kind farm girl, except that she understood Polish. What was her name? Why was she risking her life for me?
Hope was in such short supply, and this girl on the other side of the fence gave me some, as nourishing in its way as the bread and apples.
Nearly seven months later, my brothers and I were crammed into a coal car and shipped to Theresienstadt camp in Czechoslovakia .
'Don't return,' I told the girl that day. 'We're leaving.'
I turned toward the barracks and didn't look back, didn't even say good-bye to the little girl whose name I'd never learned, the girl with the apples.
We were in Theresienstadt for three months. The war was winding down and Allied forces were closing in, yet my fate seemed sealed.
On May 10, 1945, I was scheduled to die in the gas chamber at 10:00am.
In the quiet of dawn, I tried to prepare myself. So many times death seemed ready to claim me, but somehow I'd survived. Now, it was over.
I thought of my parents. At least, I thought, we will be reunited.
But at 8am there was a commotion. I heard shouts, and saw people running every which way through camp. I caught up with my brothers.
Russian troops had liberated the camp! The gates swung open. Everyone was running, so I did too.
Amazingly, all of my brothers had survived;
I'm not sure how. But I knew that the girl with the apples had been the key to my survival.
In a place where evil seemed triumphant, one person's goodness had saved my life, had given me hope in a place where there was none.
My mother had promised to send me an angel, and the angel had come.
Eventually I made my way to England where I was sponsored by a Jewish charity, put up in a hostel with other boys who had survived the Holocaust and trained in electronics. Then I came to America, where my brother Sam had already moved. I served in the US Army during the Korean War, and returned to New York City after two years.
By August 1957 I'd opened my own electronics repair shop. I was starting to settle in.
One day, my friend Sid who I knew from England called me.
'I've got a date. She's got a Polish friend. Let's double date.'
A blind date? Nah, that wasn't for me. But Sid kept pestering me, and a few days later we headed up to the Bronx to pick up his date and her friend Roma.
I had to admit, for a blind date this wasn't so bad. Roma was a nurse at a Bronx hospital. She was kind and smart. Beautiful, too, with swirling brown curls and green, almond-shaped eyes that sparkled with life.
The four of us drove out to Coney Island. Roma was easy to talk to, easy to be with. Turned out she was wary of blind dates too!
We were both just doing our friends a favour. We took a stroll on the boardwalk, enjoying the salty Atlantic breeze, and then had dinner by the shore. I couldn't remember having a better time.
We piled back into Sid's car, Roma and I sharing the backseat.
As European Jews who had survived the war, we were aware that much had been left unsaid between us. She broached the subject, '
'Where were you,' she asked softly, 'during the war?'
'The camps,' I said. The terrible memories still vivid, the irreparable loss. I had tried to forget. But you can never forget.
She nodded. 'My family was hiding on a farm in Germany, not far from Berlin,' she told me. 'My father knew a priest, and he got us Aryan papers.'
I imagined how she must have suffered too, fear, a constant companion. And yet here we were both survivors, in a new world.
'There was a camp next to the farm.' Roma continued. 'I saw a boy there and I would throw him apples every day.'
What an amazing coincidence that she had helped some other boy. 'What did he look like?' I asked.
'He was tall, skinny, and hungry. I must have seen him every day for six months.'
My heart was racing. I couldn't believe it. This couldn't be.
'Did he tell you one day not to come back because he was leaving Schlieben?'
Roma looked at me in amazement. 'Yes!'
'That was me!'
I was ready to burst with joy and awe, flooded with emotions. I couldn't believe it! My angel.
'I'm not letting you go.' I said to Roma. And in the back of the car on that blind date, I proposed to her. I didn't want to wait.
'You're crazy!' she said. But she invited me to meet her parents for Shabbat dinner the following week.
There was so much I looked forward to learning about Roma, but the most important things I always knew: her steadfastness, her goodness. For many months, in the worst of circumstances, she had come to the fence and given me hope. Now that I'd found her again, I could never let her go.
That day, she said yes. And I kept my word. After nearly 50 years of marriage, two children and three grandchildren, I have never let her go.
Written by Herman Rosenblat of Miami Beach, Florida.
This story is being made into a movie called The Fence.
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often, Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classified as a high-caliber employee, the type that cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible
Regards,
Project Leader
KEEP READING...
Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo from the Project Leader:
Sorry, but that idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines for my assessment.
Regards,
The founder of the software antivirus company McAfee Inc., John McAfee, is wanted by police in the Central American nation of Belize in connection with a murder of another U.S. citizen, FoxNews.com has confirmed.
Anti-virus pioneer John McAfee: I’m innocent of murder in Belize
McAfee lived next door to 52-year-old Gregory Viant Faull, who was found with a gunshot wound to his head inside his two-story home north of San Pedro, a town on the island of Ambergris Caye, said Raphael Martinez, spokesman for Belize's Ministry of National Security. The housekeeper discovered the body Sunday morning and called police.
Martinez said that no charges had been filed in the case
Read more at THIS LINK.
To: All Employees
From: Director, Administrative Services
Subject: Excessive Absences
Due to the excessive number of absences from the office, the following rules and procedures will be put into effect as of this date:
SICKNESS: No excuse. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor YOU are able to come to work.
DEATH: (Other than your own) This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else with lesser position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (Surgery) We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you need an operation, as we believe as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
DEATH: (Your own) This will be accepted as an excuse but we would like a two week notice, as we feel it is your duty to train your successor.
ALSO: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8 to 8:15, "B" will go from 8:15 to 8:30, and so on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.
Signed: The Management
-Author Unknown-
