masterwordsmith-unplugged

One laugh per day is better than eating one apple a day....

A man was granted two wishes by God.
He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever.
He got mineral water and Mother Teresa.
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There are three kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened!
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Wives are magicians. They can turn anything into an argument.
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When asked in class; Why do women live a better, longer and a more peaceful life than men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied:
"Because women don't have wives!"
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Husband to his wife: "Honey... I've invited a friend home for supper."
Wife: "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
Husband: "I know all that."
Wife: "Then why did you invite a friend home for supper?"
Husband: "Because the poor fool is thinking of getting married!"
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Cool message to mother-in-law:
"Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!"
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When a married man replies; "I'll think about it." -- What he really means is that he hasn't asked his wife for permission yet!
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A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"
The doctor replies: "Give him the opportunity to speak while he's awake!"
Albert and His Dog

One hot summer day, Albert came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the pub for a cold one.

Twenty minutes later, a cop entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?"

Albert called out, " It's mine, bloke."

"Your dog seems to be in heat" the cop said.

Albert replied, "No way. She's cool as, 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree."

The cop said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," said Albert. "That dog don't need no bread. She ain't hungry 'cause I fed 'er this mornin'."

The exasperated cop said, "NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have sex!"

Albert looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog..."

Thanks to Mr TSK who shared this post.

Posted for humour with no intention to offend or annoy anyone.