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Things Men need To Know About Style
1. Yes, Homer Simpson is funny - but not on your tie.
2. Only consider tucking your jumper into your jeans if you're a vicar.
3. Getting your girlfriend to iron your jeans is unacceptable. Ironing them yourself is evidence of an unsound mind.
4. Cowboy boots - NO!!!
5. Pointy lace-up shoes make women retch.
6. Going bald ? - shave it off for God's sake.
7. Never take your top off in public, unless you've just won Wimbledon.
8. Donald Duck socks do not reflect your individuality nor the wild side of your corporate façade. They do, however, mean your mother still dresses you or you wish she did.
9. Socks and sandals - lovely on Germans.
10. .A jester hat does not make a man wacky. Even Noddy Holder regrets the 70s.
11. Speedos are only acceptable on Olympic swimmers......
12. as are medallions.....
13. ....and tracksuit tops and bottoms.
14. Do you have a grey, red and black asymmetrical duvet?? Habitat helpline 0845 601 0740
15. Open shirts: one button open = professional; two buttons = casual; three = oversharing.
16. Tight sleeveless muscle t-shirts are only ok if you're 17, can do the running-on-the-spot dance at the drop of a hat, and are a member of NSync
17. Those fold-up scooters + middle thirties exec = tosser.
18. Here's a startling fact guys: Lara Croft isn't real. And Angelina is: a) an actress and b) married.
19. Is your definition of "new season shopping" buying the Man Utd kit? Please seek professional help.
20. Unless you own a rap empire, leave the chunky gold bracelet and "ice" ring in the window of H.Samuel where it can live a long and happy life doing no-one any harm....
21. You'll NEVER pull if you put your mobile in the mobile phone pocket of your combats.
22. Bleached blonde hair. If it doesn't work for Eddie Irvine, it's not going to do it for you.
23. Chinos - fashionable for 6 months in 1989 and that was it
Things Women need To Know About Style
1. Show more cleavage
2. Wear shorter skirts
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The Flight Controller
It can happen to any of us, but when the crew of a United States airliner made a wrong turn during taxying and came nose to nose with another aircraft, the furious ground controller screamed:
"
Continuing her verbal lashing of the embarrassed crew, she shouted "You've screwed everything up. It'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half-an-hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you and how I tell you. You got that?"
Naturally, the frequency went very quiet until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
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One day in Eden
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God...
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat,and be vain glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such in a way that he will satisfy your ah, physical needs. He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly.
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"What's the catch, Lord?"
"Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's a secret...
*posted for laughs
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How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
ONE!!
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID xxxxxxx LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS. That's how many.
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:-) This post is not intended as a form of blasphemy but solely for entertainment and humor. Please leave a comment if you wish to share your thoughts. Thanks and have a nice day!
wiZsurf God made man first for fun then woman next for sex & the accidental kids. The result was disaster then he sent Jesus.
& the rest is history