masterwordsmith-unplugged

Here's some British humor that Freddie sent me yesterday. Have a good laugh and please don't be offended :-). My intention is to entertain and not to insult. Have a great day!

_______________________________

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.



___________________________________
Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

_____________________________

A religious man was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky. The stewardess asked the religious man if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

________________________


Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your plane!"
________________________________

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed and says, "You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"
__________________________

Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?
A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your back if you get a dodgy one!
___________________________

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U...S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

_____________________________

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach, was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
________________


Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"
______________________________________

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Good heavens!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"
_____________________

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?" Mick replies "Miles, from London !"
_______________________

Have a lovely day and keep that smile on your face.:-)