Having been in the education sector since 1988, I was not surprised when Freddie sent me the following post. I have my own collection of quotable quotes which I may publish one day as "Confessions of a Disillusioned Lecturer". While some of you may laugh at this list, rest assured - the situation is worse on the home front!! In the mean time, smile while reading this list. Don't laugh too loudly :-)! Enjoy the rest of the evening!
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The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon,
Wiltshire (U.K.)
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now ,there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U. (What the ??)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
32 comments to THE SORRY STATE OF EDUCATION STANDARDS
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Unknown Dear Anon
LOL!!! Thanks for sharing haha! I am sure that must be original :-)...You must have been the interviewer.
Take care and have a lovely evening!
Cheers
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Anonymous pls read the banners of the recent
demonstration led by someone who graduated from uk, u will 1st hahahaha then sigh sigh sigh !!
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Anonymous Particulars of a job-seeker :-
Name : IC got.
Sex : once only.
Age : many years.
Address : at home.
Religion : sky.
Interest : hobi.
school : finished.
salary : YES, please.
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QQ Is it any surprise that our Malaysian education system has been flip-flopped, pushed and pulled this way and that until the standards have dropped to alarming levels?
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Anonymous Opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim fired a stern warning to his detractors that the people would vote BN out of Putrajaya in the next polls, whether he is in jail or not.
He said the people were so fed up that they were all geared up to kick out the Umno-dominated federal government and replace it with Pakatan Rakyat.
~~ Malaysian Insider
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Anonymous It is high time we effectively overhauled our education system.
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Anonymous Every time when there is a new education minister, there will be changes made, including the so-called education reform.
We are having constant controversies and chaos as education reform is being blindly implemented.
At the end of the day, the students suffer as guinea pigs...
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Ckw Like everything else in Malaysia, education has become a political thing.
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 7.00pm
Oh - I have not read that. These days, reading the news makes me very depressed :-(. I will check it out later.
I appreciate readers like you who give me alerts re impt news items which I might otherwise have missed.
Take care and God bless you.
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 7.14 p.m.
Yes - I have seen this one before but it is a worth another read haha!
Thanks so much for sharing.
Take care and have a lovely evening.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear QQ
It is all in the blueprint, QQ...to prevent people from objecting or questioning to important issues.
Take care and have a lovely evening.
God bless you with a great week.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 7.57pm
It is a much needed warning indeed BUT the PR leaders n politicians must also do their part to spring clean to ensure a clean sweep at the next polls. There is no place for arrogance or disunity.
May their dream to march to Putrajaya come to pass!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 8.18pm
Agree! However, even if the authorities successfully overhaul it, implementation and results can only be seen within 10-20 years. That is because the damage is so deep!
Cheers
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Ting With or without Anwar, PR is definitely a better bet than BN. To the unenlightened masses, please wake up before BN takes away the only vote you have left now.
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Boleh Man I am really sick with all the flip-flop education policy.
This is the typical Bolehland style of management, isn't it?
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Anonymous There should be a consistency in outlining the education policies of the country that should match the modern requirements of our society.
The wave-like changes in the education policies will only weaken the education system in the long run, like a rudderless ship lost in a sea of international job opportunities.
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 8.58 pm
If the intentions are not noble, the results will speak volumes.
And like what you said, the students suffer most! In the long run, the whole country suffers because it means the quality of our human resources are deficient in many areas!
That is something that many decision-makers may not be concerned about. Maybe there could be other reasons....which we can speculate...
Sighs...
Very saddening and depressing, especially for me for I have seen the rot from the 1980's to the present...which is why I am in early retirement and blogging instead of lecturing :-(.
Unemployed but saner, and happier :-).
Cheers
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Unknown Dear CKW
You hit the nail on the head!! God bless you for your wisdom, insight and courage to speak the truth.
Take care and have a great week!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Ting
God bless you for giving that wake-up call to the unenlightened Malaysians. Imagine there are still over 4 million who have yet to vote and God forbid that we should suffer the same government because of their apathy!!!
Like you, I appeal to every Malaysian to register and to vote according to what their conscience tells them for the collective good of this beloved nation of ours.
Take care and God bless you and yours.
Shalom
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Unknown Dear Boleh Man
Exactly! I was so so sickened when I saw the rot setting in during the late 1980's...and then the steeper decline in the late 1990's followed by the steepest decline that I have ever seen (in my whole lifetime) in the 21st century!
A crying shame indeed!
Take care and thanks for being a Malaysian who cares!
God bless you.
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Unknown Dear Anonymous at 10.14pm
Thank you for your eloquent comment which shows a heart that cares for the people of this nation.
Actually, while you have rightly identified it as a rudderless ship, may I also say that it is a SINKING rudderless ship becuase if they do not revamp the system and policies, not only will our populace be losing out internationally, we will also be suffering when FDI's decline and our exports lack cutting edge technology or USP's. It is both a saddening and frightening thought but those who can make that difference are more concerned about their own interests rather than that of the rest of us.
So what can we do? The answer lies in GE 13.
Take care and God bless you and yours.
Do keep in touch.
Shalom
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Anonymous Instead of addressing the miserable state of "education", all this Moo Hoo fella (expectedly again)does is to make sports into a compulsory thing.
There are many minus points to this populist idea(much like embracing the Climate Change scam).
Parents ends up with more duties in ferrying their children to and from schools ; they will spend more money associated with compulsory sporting activities and makes for even more diversion from actually studying things which are more practical.
What a darn stupid stunt to pull! Sports are more linked with commerce these days than they are with physical health.
Sports will not cure hidden congenital defects in the young and the threshold cases become penalised against in terms of school performance.
Utter rubbish in forcing everyone into being an extrovert although it is certain that this measure will not increase the number of sports achievers. Trying to fix something yet again when it ain't broke!
~wits0~
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Anonymous why human milk is better than cow/goat milk ?
Because it comes from beautiful containers .
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Unknown Dear ~wits0~
Thanks for yet another insightful and hard-hitting comment!
I opine that such a move could have stemmed from a desire to pull wool over our eyes lest we see the miserable state of affairs and how our country has witnessed regression not just in education standards but also in many other areas of life.
Such policy changes are likely to benefit those on the gravy train and so the rot continues while maggots grow in the brains of the young. What a tragedy that they are robbed of the opportunity to develop their potential.
Take care and have a great week!
Do keep in touch.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 11.56 pm
LOL!!! That is really very funny and witty haha! Thanks for sharing.
Take care! Do keep in touch and have a great week!
Cheers
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Anonymous Hi sis,
More examples below, but these are the Malaysian type:-
Malaysian Mathematics
It is most alarming that many Malaysian schools teach our children the
wrong things. I mean can the children really apply what they are taught in
school later in life? For example, can you imagine a mathematics question
in a recent examination as follows?
"If an egg costs fifty sen, and if you buy 1/8 of the egg, how much would
you have to pay ?"
Who in Heaven's name will want to buy 1/8 of an egg ? The shopkeeper will
probably think you are crazy and he will be equally stupid to break the egg
and measure 1/8 for you.
Yet, this is how they structure the questions in Malaysian schools. Why not
pose questions that would be more useful later in life when you go out into
the world to earn your living ?
To help Malaysia 's Ministry of Education to better face the realities of
life, we are suggesting some questions they could use in our classrooms.
QUESTION 1.
If you drive from Kuala Lumpur to Penang along the PLUS Highway and there are four speed traps along the way and if each speed trap would cost you RM300.00 in fines, how much in fines would you accumulate by the time you reach Penang ?
ANSWER (Choose one):
1. I would not suffer any fines as the oncoming cars would flash their
headlights and I would slow down before coming to the speed trap.
2. I would only need to pay a total of RM80.00 as I would pay a RM20.00
bribe at each speed trap.
3. I would not be stopped as I am an UMNO Wakil Rakyat so I am exempted
from speed traps.
QUESTION 2.
If your company is awarded a RM150 million government contract, and you
make a 20% profit, how much profit would be at the end of the contract
period ?
ANSWER (Choose one):
1. I will not be making a 20% profit as I would have to pay the Minister
10% and UMNO 5%.
2. I would make 30% profit, which is the progress payment I receive, after
which I will abandon the project and let the government call for re-tender.
3. My company will not make any profit at all as I will siphon out all the
profits and show a loss to avoid paying corporate tax.
QUESTION 3.
If the ruling party obtained 54% of the popular votes the last election and
won 151 or 80% of the seats, and if it saw an increase of 10% in votes this
election, how many more seats would it gain?
ANSWER (Choose one):
1. The ruling party will not show a 10% increase in votes, as it will
stuff the ballot box with another 20% to give it a 30% vote increase.
2. The ruling party will win which are the newly created seats in the
delineation exercise recently done.
3. The ruling party has already decided it will win 90% of the seats and
the votes have nothing to do with it.
QUESTION 4.
If the national petroleum company, Petronas, pays a 5% royalty to
Terengganu State and if the amount paid is RM800,000,000 per year, how much should Petronas have in the bank accumulated over the last 25 years ?
ANSWER (Choose one):
1. Nobody is supposed to know as Petronas need not show its accounts to
anyone except the Prime Minister and this information comes under the
Official Secrets Act.
2. Petronas earns only 50% of its petroleum revenue from Terengganu so
Petronas' total income accumulated in the banks over 25 years should be
RM800 billion.
3. Petronas has nothing accumulated in the bank as all the money will be
spent bailing out companies and finance mega projects.
Note: The above logic does not apply to other countries.
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Anonymous Dear masterwordsmith, furthermore from my personal experience, a lifetime ago in Penang, I had to cycle 6.5 miles to school and the same distance back for much of my secondary school days, come rain or shine. I would have failed in school if sports were compulsory because no way I can find that sort of energy to do that again for afternoon sports! One would have spent all energy in cycling alone!
Perhaps things have changed and parents are richer, have transports, always still young and more loving nowadays, but I doubt.
The system does not make allowance for extenuating cases, especially with the uncaring one that we have. It is also an unsporting one all round. So, how the hell is Sports supposed to address this sort of authoritarian apathy on steroid? Utter BS!
~wits0~
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 12.18am
Fantastic list of questions and answers!!! Did you write that yourself? Thanks so much for sharing...
Are you Nick by any chance?
Take care and thanks so much for dropping by.
Salam
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Unknown Dear ~Wits0~
Oh - you are a Penangite! Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts with us. I do agree that the long hours of sports training has a toll on students. I can see it in my two boys. The problem is that time is not efficiently utilized and they end up wasting time ..
The bottom line is the authorities concerned must revamp the education system if they are serious in wanting to develop our nation.
Take care and thanks for sharing.
Do keep in touch.
Cheers
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semuanya OK kot Do you ever wonder about increasing popularity of tech-dependent videos of speeches instead of just scripts of the speeches? Or of cut-and-paste screen-shots provided in lieu of proper manuals? Or of the obvious illiteracy of "leaders"?
"A study of 10,000 US college students showed that only 17% of the men and 35% of the women in the 18- to 25-year age group could acquire information well from text. It was only a little better for those aged 35 and more: 27% for men and 42% for women." - Keith Devlin, essay, Edge website, 2000, adapted
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Unknown Dear Semuanya Ok Kot
I agree! When I was lecturing, I only allowed my students to use two online websites for their bibliography. Literacy level has declined and comprehension level is probably even lower than before. The spirit of enquiry is absent thanks to the prevalent cut and paste culture amongst many who prefer to take the easy way out rather than talking the longer route because they are prone to immediate gratification and the instant result culture made possible with the click of a mouse.
Most saddening indeed!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Take care. Have a great week and do keep in touch.
Cheers
Anonymous Interviewer : Where were you trained?
Job Seeker : I no came by train. I came by LRT.