masterwordsmith-unplugged

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.



The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it


The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.


Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

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TOP TEN LINES FROM INTERNET CHAT ROOMS

1 You're different... I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.

2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile... but tell me more about yourself.

3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited.

4 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!

5 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.

6 Yes of course I'm female...

7 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.

8 No this is my only screen name... You mean you can have more then one?

9 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)

10 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I'm horny and could care less, just type)

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• "How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?"

• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."

• "I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS."

• Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."
Tech Support: "What program is it?"
Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."

• Customer: "File manager? What's that?"
Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"
Customer: "Three years."

• "I have a 386 Pentium."

• "My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."

• Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?"
Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory, as in 'sequential'."
Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."
Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key." Customer: "Oh."

• "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

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Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love.
The first woman said, "My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that."

The second woman proclaimed, "My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!"

The third woman replied, "Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it's going to be, when I finally get it..."

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Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker. The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself.

Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important. God looked to Al and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand".

God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most. Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important. God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand".

God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly. God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?"

Bill Gates responded " I think you are sitting in my chair."
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I hope you enjoyed this selection of jokes. Do leave a comment if you wish to share your views/thoughts. Thanks! Have a great day!