I am posting the following jokes for humor and not to insult any elderly person (I am one also haha). Take care and have a nice day!
The Hunting Lodge
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!....... I tell you, I just shit my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."
The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Growing Old
There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his pe***, and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his pe*** sticking out of the sand.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says "There is no justice in this world".
The other lady says, "What do you mean?"
The first lady says, "Look at that". When I was 10 Years old I was afraid of it. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild!
4 comments to Best Jokes on Growing Old
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Anonymous Well, I remember back in 2005, we went to Kruger Park in Africa, some 4-5 hours drive from Johannesburg. We went out driving early in the morning to catch the Big 5 (lion, elephant, rhino, leopard, buffalo) and was approaching a stretch where a herd of elephant was crossing the road.
We started to wind down our windows and action, camera ready. The leader of that group of elephant sounded a warning to us, a battle like war cry and started flapping his ears.
Well, thanks to our local driver, we were told not to get down to take any shot. That cry was to attack us and with reverse gear intact, our driver push the accelerator as fast as he could while we saw the group of elephants charging at us.
No shit nor piss in pant leh, but just got our hearts at out throats so to speak. The driver later relates to us that a Japanese man was killed by a lion in the park as he was to near to a sleeping lion and insisted on taking a shot from his camera. Since, early morning sun was still sleeping, the auto camera flash was instantly on and that causes the sleeping lion to be a roaring lion.
Stayed in motel built by the local african in the park drive freely around the massive park with wild lives moving around unguarded. An experienced that it out of the norm and worth every cent spent. It makes our visit to local zoo like kiddy playground actually.
On the second part of the story on "Growing Old", I will leave that to the grand old lady of Malaysia, that can marry so many men with the latest a drug junkie and look younger than her son ????
Probably, she is still searching for the "RIGHT WILD THING" and forgets to check it along the beach, hahaha.
~ahoo~
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Unknown Dear aho
Thanks for sharing about your experiences. Must have been very scary *shudders*.
Thanks also for your witty and humorous response :-).
Take care and happy holidays!
Drive safely and stay happy and healthy!
Cheers
Cat-from-Sydney Aunty Paula,
RRRRROOOOARRRRR!!! No, I haven't just made shit. hahahaha....am only 3 1/2 yrs old! purrr....meow!