masterwordsmith-unplugged

It is Boxing Day today and some may still be in a festive mood or suffering from a hangover from partying too much. Here is a delightful selection of jokes to brighten your Boxing Day. Smile a lot and stay happy always. Have a lovely Boxing Day today!
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Christmas Breakfast

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, ''I'll just have the eggs Benedict.'' His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, ''What's with the hubcap?'' The waiter sings, ''O, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!''

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Specially for all cat lovers and Cat-in-Sydney

Cats' Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs

10. Up on the Mousetrap
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, The Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!
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15 reasons why Santa is a woman


15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.

14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.

13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking -- if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!

12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."

11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.

10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.

9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.

8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.

7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention.

6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.

5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!

4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.

3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.

2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.

1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be a waifish super model just to get in!
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One for the ladies and kids, maybe husbands too???

CHRISTMAS FRUITCAKE RECIPE

Items Needed:
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4 Oz. Fruit Bits
1 Railroad Tie
Wood Saw
Large Rubber Mallot
Safety Goggles

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES. (Children: Get help from an adult!) Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie. The resulting block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread.

Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block with your rubber mallot. Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake. Don't be afraid to throw some elbow grease into that mallot! Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie, so you can't break anything.

For best result, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by setting them on top of your garage for a year (or by microwaving them on HIGH for 30 minutes).

Finally, cover it tightly in platic wrap, and give your loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake!