masterwordsmith-unplugged

It is not easy to be a youth filled with teenage angst. I should know. I lost my mom when I was 11 and my dad remarried in less than 100 days. As a teen, I was seething with rage, confusion and to exacerbate matters, I had skipped a year in school and was 15 when I took my MCE (my birthday is at the end of the year). Fortunately, I settled down after my 17th birthday and got involved with Christian youth groups and music. I know I would have turned out differently if I had not lost my mom at that tender age.

Having worked with teenagers for over 25 years in the education sector, I can safely conclude that it is more and more difficult to be a teen in modern society because of a few reasons including:

* changes in family structure where both parents are working in many families
* the existence of secondary care-givers such as maids, day-care centres etc
* the increase in net use by teens which exposes them to social networking media such as Facebook, Twitter, Friendster
* the ease in communication thanks to wide usage of mobile phones
* secularisation - the decline in the importance of religion which has impacted the value system negatively
* the change in the role and importance of socialization patterns whereby peer group and the electronic media is increasing in importance while that of the school and parents is gradually declining
* the decline in education standards which has seen the slow death of the thinking mind
* the impact of pop music and other genre
* etc etc

I used to teach about all this in my Sociology classes but never in my life have I seen these factors roll in such dynamic motion as in current trends.

It was with much sadness that I read this report in The Star about how a troubled teenager died after falling from the second floor of her school – just days after posting in her Facebook wall about wanting to take her own life. Such an occurrence is beginning to be an unhealthy trend amongst many teenagers.

In another report HERE, Universiti Malaya psychiatrist Prof Dr Mohamad Hussain Habil warned that there could be more suicides if mental health issues are not addressed promptly.

Last week, my former student (who is now a family lawyer in Singapore specializing in divorces) told me that on average there are hundreds of divorce cases being heard in the family court on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the figure is increasing steadily. He tries to help disgruntled spouses to reunite but admitted that it is not an easy task if the counterpart is intent on sealing the divorce.

Undeniably, there are many dysfunctional families today, thanks to the rat race, the reasons listed above, impact of Hollywood lifestyles and many other factors. The fact remains that there are many teenagers who need love, help and attention. Sadly, many working parents try to compensate for the lack of time spent with their children by showering them with the latest electronic gadgets, handphones, computers, generous pocket money (some in thousands!!!) and even luxury cars etc.

Nothing can compensate for the lack of love, acceptance, attention and companionship of their parents.

The situation is worsened if the family is dysfunctional.

In my years as a counsellor, I have seen the long term effect of divorces, family break-ups and infidelity on the lives of many teens who are unable to love, receive love or to sustain a relationship for fear of letting family history be repeated in their own lives.

Such scenarios lead to the increasing desperation of teens for attention as many could be dying within. They do give cries for help albeit subtly and some are victims to drugs, gambling and other pervasive influences.

When there is a cry for help, respond! If you see/hear or know of a cry for help in whatever situation, get help for that person if you cannot do anything.

In another report HERE:

Prof Dr Mohamad Hussain Habil, who heads the University Malaya's Department of Psychological Medicine, said there was a severe lack of mental health services in the country and Malaysians were yet to be receptive enough to respond to people with suicidal tendencies, “even to those who have expressed their intentions to end it all”.

“Society is still reluctant to respond to those in need of support. The Government and NGOs can do more to provide avenues for advocacy and more importantly, treatment,” he added.

It was reported that the suicide rate in the country has increased to between nine and 12 persons per 100,000 population, compared to eight in the 1980s.

I have had a close encounter with a potential suicide case.

It was in November 1989, two months after I had delivered my older boy. Alone in my classroom at about 3p.m. on a Thursday afternoon, I was clearing up my classroom when this boy walked in adroitly, as if on a mission. He was one of the toughest teens I have ever handled in my life.

As a child, he was with his father in the jungle when a group of bandits ambushed them, pulled them out and made them kneel on the ground. In seconds, they shot his dad in the head and left him screaming for help. Distraught, he was mentally and emotionally scarred and was shuttled from one boarding school to another.

"Miss, I am going to kill myself," he said.

"And may I ask how you propose to do that?" I asked.

"Simple. Don't you know one can die by injecting an air bubble into your blood stream?" he asked.

"But you don't have a syringe."

He took out a brand new plastic syringe.

"Oh! But you don't have a needle," I responded bravely.

Then he took out an unused needle.

*shudders*

To cut the long story short, I was like a hostage that afternoon. I wanted to run and scream for help but was wary of what might happen after that. Patiently, I listened to him rant on and on. I passed him tissues when he cried and cowered in fear when he screamed at me. I was in a fix as I had to pick up my baby from the babysitter who warned me never to be late and yet, there I was caught in such a tricky situation with him - a possible touch and go scenario.

After sweating it out for about an hour, I ran out of my classroom and dashed into the principal's office. He marched to my classroom and took over.

Looking back, I am glad I gave him my time, listening ear and compassion even though he had been a very difficult student. He got a B for my Sociology paper at the IGCSE level and is now a successful man.

Two weeks ago, I met up with my former principal who gave me a clearer idea of what actually happened to the boy. A member of his family had been writing to him and his sister, both in boarding school, feeding them with accusations that it was a family member who had commissioned the assassination. When he left school, he came up to the principal, gave him a hug and said, "Thank you sir, for spanking me."

Before he left in 1990, he also expressed his thanks and appreciation with a hug and a broad smile that revealed his braces. I still remember his smile so clearly. His sister is now happily married and I still keep in touch with her.

In 1994, I had a beautiful student who transferred from another continent who had been undergoing treatment for two attempted suicides after discovering her mom had committed suicide in her room. For a year, I would see her for counselling at breaktime once a week and I walked her through her grief and sadness, encouraged her to work hard and to move on. It was not an easy journey for both of us. When she left, we both cried and she gave me the most beautiful letter I have ever received. She went on to become very successful, got married and has a beautiful daughter now.

I could go on and on but suffice to say, I have had many encounters with troubled teens.

Why am I writing this post?

Simple.

There are many dysfunctional and desperate people out there - teens and adults alike, who are dying within because of many reasons. Sometimes, they may threaten to commit suicide as an attention-seeking move, hoping that others will respond and meet their need.

Unfortunately, we live in a very cruel world. They could have had the misfortune, like in the case of the 17 year old girl who posted remarks in her FB profile. Instead of getting understanding and help, her comments drew some taunts and dares from her online friends. Some commentators even asked her to go ahead with what she wanted to do.

And she died.

My heart bleeds for her parents and loved ones. Most of all, for her. I wonder if she would have been alive today if someone had just shown her a little bit of love and kindness.



Last December, a 22-year-old man took his own life after another failed relationship. He posted, also on Facebook, a 45-minute countdown to his suicide. He jumped from the 14th floor of an apartment block in Cheras. It was reported that the man became depressed after his girlfriend of four months broke up with him.

So if you are aware of someone who is in a similar situation, reach out....You could be the one to make a difference in his/her life...

Try a little bit of love and kindness...CLICK HERE for Glen Campbell's rendition of the song.