masterwordsmith-unplugged

Getting Old

A group of senior citizens were talking at the breakfast table in a Florida nursing home.

"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can barely even see my cup of coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which many nodded weakly.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another continued.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," commented yet another lady, and again they all nodded in agreement.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

"Well it could be worse," said one old woman with resolute cheerfulness.

"Thank God we can all still drive."

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Describing Your Age

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half."
You're never 36 and a half ....You're four and a half going on 5.

You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.

Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21....Yes!!

Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.

Then you're PUSHING 40....stay over there. You REACH 50.

You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; You're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you MAKE IT to 60.

By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday...

You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. My Grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."

And it doesn't end there....

Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."