masterwordsmith-unplugged

The following is a fictitious memo sent to me by a friend. Next sopo post will be up later. Take care and do swing by again after dinner. Thanks!



TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: Human Resources

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

SO...

TRY SAYING
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF
When do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING
I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF
No way!!

TRY SAYING
Really?
INSTEAD OF
You've got to be shi**ing me.

TRY SAYING
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF
Tell someone who gives a sh**.

TRY SAYING
Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF
Ask me if I give a sh**.

TRY SAYING
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF
It's not my problem.

TRY SAYING
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF
What the ....?!?!

TRY SAYING
I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF
**** it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING
Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF
Who cares?

TRY SAYING
He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF
He's got his head up his a**.

TRY SAYING
Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF
Eat **** and die.

TRY SAYING
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF
Kiss my a**.

TRY SAYING
I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF
So? I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF
Shove it up your ....

TRY SAYING
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF
This job sucks.

TRY SAYING
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF
Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING
I see.
INSTEAD OF
Go away.

TRY SAYING
Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF
Another meeting!!!

TRY SAYING
I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF
I really don't give a ****.

TRY SAYING
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF
He's a *****.

TRY SAYING
She's an aggressive go getter.
INSTEAD OF
She's a *****.

TRY SAYING
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF
You don't know what you're doing

But of course, reality is different ....:)

Cheers and have a great weekend! Please swing by later! Thanks!