Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my a**.
Always scoot before licking.
Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
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Quit smoking
A friend asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking". The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. What's phase one? I've quit buying.
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New Year's Day Dinner
As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.
"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."
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HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL READERS!! Have a nice day!
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