This afternoon, I had tea with my goddaughter, Kat, and another former student, Daniel Jones at Swensen's, Queensbay Mall, Penang.
I taught Daniel Sociology and Economics (1990-1994) while Kat was my Economics student (1994-1996). As a young teenager, Daniel was very outspoken, cheeky and needless to say, very intelligent as well. I always knew that he would be successful in his career path one day and he is a force to be reckoned with in the banking/investment industry. Most of the guys in his cohort such as Kevin Lin, Ted Wen, Michael Huang, Hung-Ta (all from Taiwan), Soon Rhee, Nizam (Penang, KL) , Dr. Adrian Eng, Yee Liang and Jarod Ko ( all three in Australia) are happily married with one or two kids. It is my prayer that Daniel will settle down soon and have a brood of his own.
Kat has always been the lovely girl whom I love very much. She and her cousin Maybelene (who was also my Economics student - is currently pursuing her PhD in Economics at University of California, Davis) are my goddaughters and I look at them as if they were my own. I have seen Kat grow from a shy teenager into a very beautiful young lady who has so much love to give. I wrote about her in another post last week.
Today, we had a lovely afternoon at Swensen's just talking and listening to classical music. Are we mad? Not really. Daniel is a budding opera singer in Singapore and specializes in Italian arias. With his Vaio laptop, he introduced us to his favorite opera singers and we discussed The Marriage of Figaro, Carmen and Così fan tutte, as well as The Magic Flute and marvelled at how singers such as Pavarroti had the best enunciation in his singing. Amazingly, Daniel tried to convince us as to how Andrea Bocelli is not a genuine classical singer as he cannot hit the high notes and how his breathing may not be necessarily correct :-).
Not only is Daniel an opera singer cum banker but he is a fantastic photographer,who has been trying to convince me to get a good SLR camera :-), and also a fantastic cook, having worked as a chef for two years during his student years in Australia. When he showed me pics of his pineapple tarts and shared his exploits about how he made his layer cake with his mom, memories of my very pale layer cake came to mind (er...I took it out of the oven quite prematurely!!! and each time, my timing was wrong as I was always afraid that the cake would get burnt!!).
With all the talk about operas, singers from Pavarotti to Il Divo to Sinatra to Natalie Cole to Diana Krall, we agreed that we had to unleash the singer within us and belt it out at a karaoke session so hopefully, we will get a place to sing together (with others of course) at the top of our voices tomorrow!!!
It is always so lovely to meet up with my former students and I guess that is the greatest reward in teaching -to have the opportunity to mold minds, build lives, to strengthen relationships, to give of ourselves and our love to each other and to know that years down the road, the ties that bind cannot be broken. Here's another pic of Daniel, Patrick, Ganesh, Lee Yin and me at another reunion recently.
So to Daniel, Kat and my former students out there, especially those in cyberspace, please know that you all have a very special place in my hearts and I miss you all!!!! My life is richer cos our paths crossed and our shared experiences will always be very precious to me.
by James leGrand
Are you currently doing things that may be negatively affecting your love relationship? We don’t always understand the impact of the things we do or say until it’s too late. It’s important to avoid the things that inadvertently hurt or push our partner away.
Here are 10 things you should never do in a love relationship…ever!
1. Don’t stop falling in love over and over again
Successful couples continually fall in love with each other. They find new reasons to be in love with their partner and don’t let the petty day-to-day things ruin those feelings. Love doesn’t have to die after commitment. In fact, it should grow to ever increasing heights. So, feel free to fall in love all over again….and again…and again.
2. Don’t value being right over being loving
Too many of us want to be right more than we want to be loving. We choose winning an argument over continually winning the heart of our loved one. When you have to be right, you are simultaneously making your partner wrong. Don’t engage in these 1 or the other conversations. Instead, value your partner’s opinion and then offer up yours. They are both opinions, so 1 is not more or less correct than the other. They are simply 2 different perspectives. If you continue to make your partner feel wrong, they will stop offering their opinion to you. That doesn’t lead to any place good.
3. Don’t stop planning together for the future
It could be planning for the kid’s college or the next vacation. It could be planning for retirement or for a friend’s birthday party. The key is to keep planning together for the future. When you do so, you create common goals to pursue as a unit. This strengthens the bonds of partnership, friendship, and mutual admiration. Find something you are both interested in doing, and work on it together. You are either growing closer together or further apart. Planning together helps to keep you growing together.
4. Don’t stop being attractive for your partner
Many couples stop doing the things that led to the relationship in the first place. If you figured that once you were in a committed relationship that you could stop engaging in attractive behaviors, you were mistaken. Each person in the partnership expected the other to continue doing and saying the things they found attractive. So, flirt. Wear clothing that your partner finds you flattering in. Remind your partner how attractive they are to you. Be playful, be thoughtful and be loving. Be irresistible to your partner and allow them to return the favor.
5. Don’t embarrass your partner publicly
Remember this simple rule: Praise publicly and criticize privately. When the need arises to tell your partner something difficult, do so in the most humble, loving, respectful and honest way possible. In public, tell everyone about how fantastic your partner is. Talk about the things you find best in them. Positive attention is a reward of sorts, and what gets rewarded gets repeated. Your partner trusts you with their heart and emotional security. Don’t publicly criticize your partner.
6. Don’t say “Always” or “Never” while arguing
Whenever we say our partner always does something or never does something, we are exaggerating. The discussion then turns to how the partner being accused must defend themselves against this blatant mischaracterization. The conversation then turns to how you always or never do something. Let’s avoid all of this. When you partner does something you don’t appreciate, say so then and there. Be respectful, yet honest. Don’t pull in past issues. Avoid saying the words “always” and “never” at all costs. Focus on the event or the issue at hand only. Work together to decide how it should be handled next time. Then move on.
7. Don’t use intimacy as a weapon
Do you grant intimacy or take it away as a method of persuading your spouse to do what you want? If so, you are cheapening a relationship expression of love by making it a tool of negotiation. Eventually, your partner may not want to express intimacy towards you or receive it from you because of the conditions attached to it. There should be no conditions on expressions of love. Therefore, stop using intimacy as a weapon. This is your partner! Intimacy should come with no strings attached. It is a beautiful and loving expression that should not be used to manipulate your partner.
8. Don’t talk negatively about your partner to others
So, your partner does something you think is disrespectful. You tell your friends about it. Later, you and your partner determine it was a simple misunderstanding. When you come back around your friends with your partner, what is their impression? Are they seeing your partner as a disrespectful person? Do they have a full understanding that there was simply a miscommunication between you? We are quick to tell everyone about the bad, and very slow to tell them about the good. Be careful. You could be ruining your partner’s reputation even as you know them to be a great person. Avoid talking negatively about your partner.
9. Don’t stop nurturing the relationship
Constantly look for ways to assist your partner. Listen with the intent to understand as they talk about things that are important to them. Be present for all of your partner’s major life moments. That includes illness, major victories, crushing defeats, and family events. Go out on dates. Vacation together. Treasure warm conversation over a hot meal. Express love to each other in the way your partner needs to receive it. Be supportive at all times. Remember that the one you love and gave your heart to is worthy of the very best from you.
10. Don’t break your commitments
Your commitment to monogamy is crucial; so don’t go looking outside for what you already have at home. If you say you are going to do something, do that very thing when and how you promised it to be done. Your word has value that diminishes each time you don’t honor your commitments. So, honor yourself and your partner by honoring your commitments. Do what you said you would do each and every time. Your partner will appreciate you more for it.
Author's Bio
James LeGrand is the publisher of www.SpiritualIndividual.com, a free weekly newsletter dedicated to demonstrating how we can each live spiritually everyday, everywhere and in every way. The newsletter is based on philosophies James LeGrand wrote about in his book, "Evolve!", an Amazon.com best seller in Religion and Spirituality. LeGrand is also a life coach and a Sifu in Shaolin Kungfu, which has been known for centuries as a pathway to spiritual enlightenment. Go to www.SpiritualIndividual.com subscribe to this free weekly email newsletter.
by: Jane Lindstorm, Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul
Soon Tommy's parents, who had recently separated, would arrive for a conference on his failing schoolwork and disruptive behavior. Neither parent knew that I had summoned the other.
Tommy, an only child, had always been happy, cooperative, and an excellent student. How could I convince his father and mother that his recent failing grades represented a brokenhearted child's reaction to his adored parents' separation and pending divorce?
Tommy's mother entered and took one of the chairs I had placed near my desk. Then the father arrived. They pointedly ignored each other.
As I gave a detailed account of Tommy's behavior and schoolwork, I prayed for the right words to bring these two together to help them see what they were doing to their son. But somehow the words wouldn't come. Perhaps if they saw one of his smudged, carelessly done papers.
I found a crumpled, tear-stained sheet stuffed in the back of his desk. Writing covered both sides, a single sentence scribbled over and over.
Silently I smoothed it out and gave it to Tommy's mother. She read it and then without a word handed it to her husband. He frowned. Then his face softened. He studied the scrawled words for what seemed an eternity.
At last he folded the paper carefully and reached for his wife's outstretched hand. She wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled up at him. My own eyes were brimming, but neither seemed to notice.
In his own way God had given me the words to reunite that family. He had guided me to the sheet of yellow copy paper covered with the anguished outpouring of a small boy's troubled heart.
"Dear Mother . . . Dear Daddy . . . I love you . . . I love you . . . I love you."
