masterwordsmith-unplugged

Happiness is produced, not found. Do you agree?

Let's use the chocolate chip cookie aroma as a metaphor to explain happiness. Why? Well, because it is difficult to define happiness which is ever so elusive and it is not easy to bake good cookies. I love to bake good chocolate chip cookies with walnut toppings and to eat them when they are still warm. Yummy!

Part of the whole chocolate chip cookie experience is the wonderful cooking cookie aroma that fills the house when they are baking. It is such a delicious, warm, and comforting aroma, isn’t it? The aroma is not only marvelous in itself but it is also the signal that warm, chewy cookies are soon to be placed on the cooling rack and, almost immediately, into my mouth. The aroma is wonderful and it communicates something else wonderful that is soon to come…cookies!

From where, or what, precisely, does the fantastic cooking cookie aroma come? “Well,” you might say, “it comes from the cooking cookies, of course.” Yes, that’s right but think more specifically.

Think about each ingredient in the cookie dough before baking. Does the flour have that aroma? No, on its own flour doesn’t smell like much. How about the butter—does it smell like warm cookies? No, not much aroma there, either. The baking soda, eggs and the pinch of salt or walnuts don’t have scents. The chocolate chips have a mild chocolate aroma but it isn’t that delicious cooking aroma, is it?

“The aroma,” you say, “must come from the baking process, right?” Well, that depends. Baking cookies at different temperatures for different time periods produce different results.

The bottom line is that cooking without careful attention to both the length of time and the temperature is not enough to produce the delicious aroma. Only the right ingredients mixed together in the right amounts, formed into the right sizes, and cooked for both the right time and the right temperature will produce the aroma.

All these factors work together to make delicious smells and delicious cookies—no one factor can do it. The invisible aroma comes, then, as a byproduct of doing each important thing in the cookie making process and allowing these things to work together.

Lasting happiness is very much like the aroma produced by following the correct steps in making cookies. Happiness, like the aroma, cannot be seen, grasped, or even directly produced.

As with the warm cookie smell, happiness arises as an indirect byproduct of doing important things well. “Looking” for happiness and “hoping” you will somehow “find” it is like spending your life sniffing around in search of cookie aroma—it is really a waste of your time and energy. You can produce, however, both delicious sensations as the indirect results of your actions and behaviors.

In the case of cookies, the actions are measuring and mixing the ingredients and correctly cooking the dough. In the case of happiness, the actions are taking specific, real steps to achieve goals that are meaningful to you.

The fact is, if you want either warm cookie aroma or a warm awareness of happiness, you are going to have to take the steps that make them. Truth is: happiness is produced, not found.

Happiness is like a sort of aroma—an invisible and pleasant awareness produced (as suggested earlier) when we move forward in achieving goals that are important to us and in generally living the kind of life of which we are proud - moral happiness.

It is a stable sense of well-being and satisfaction produced by keeping your promises to yourself and others and by acting with integrity and honesty when it might have been easier and more self-serving to act in opposite ways..

This deep sense of peace and contentment, of overall life satisfaction, is what many, many people today say they lack. These folks may be “happy” when someone remembers their birthday and gives them their favorite cake and they may be “happy” with the way their new living room wallpaper looks.

But if you ask them, “overall, are you happy?” they will immediately go to the place inside themselves where moral happiness resides and, upon reflection, tell you “no, not really.”

People want to feel the very appropriate and necessary feelings of emotional happiness to be satisfied with things or situations in our lives. All of that is perfectly reasonable.

But beyond these types of “happiness” we want to feel that our life and what we do in it matters, is important (even if just to ourselves and maybe one or two other people), and that we are satisfied with it. This is the kind of happiness people hope, in vain, to “find.” As we have seen, though, it cannot be “found” because it does not exist until you perform the acts that produce it.

This lasting kind of happiness is what many hope money will buy them and yet, it cannot. This deep and powerful feeling of living a meaningful life is what people yearn for and the wise among them learn that, to produce it, yearning alone is insufficient.
The reality is that the deep happiness you want and need cannot be found or purchased with any of the available “currencies” but is a byproduct of achieving things that express your sense of meaning and purpose on this planet.

Remember, happiness, at least moral happiness, arises like an aromatic byproduct as you achieve the goals that drive you toward achieving your mission (your meaning and the reason you are here—your purpose). Define your mission in words because it makes the difference between a life that is well lived and one that just goes from day to day without much direction or deep happiness.

This happiness that comes from living out your mission can be yours as well. Firstly, give up the idea that you can find it, pursue it, or obtain it. Secondly, don’t confuse this deep form of moral happiness with the emotion or evaluation types of happiness. Thirdly, this happiness resonates in your life as you discern what you are about, what you want your life to be about and then actively set about doing it. As you continually express your mission in activity, you will notice the presence of happiness arise like an invisible, intangible, yet marvelously delicious aroma. As you do you may find yourself silently nodding and acknowledging quietly to yourself that happiness is produced, not found. To me, the best happiness is the one that comes from God and from ourselves - it is one feeling that money cannot buy!

May you all be truly happy and contented!

God bless you with long lasting happiness....

May we all use our whole beings to be true friends to those around us….and beyond…

Eyes:Will always see them for the way they really are, their true selves.

Ears:Will always have them open to listen.

Mouth:To always tell the truth and give opinion and to be honest either when they mess up or do something good.

Shoulders: To offer ours when they need one to cry on and to be their strength when they find it hard to carry on and to always let them lean on us...

Heart:To love them for who they are and not judge and to always have a place there for them.

Hands:To hold their hands when they need a little guidance, to lend them help when needed, and to help them up when they may fall.

Arms:Will always make them feel comfortable and to offer hugs when they need one. To try to keep them warm when they are cold.

Feet:To walk with them throughout our lives and be the best friend we can be.

Despite coming from a very big extended family, I am closest to my male cousins. Perhaps that is why I had the most unusual preference for toys, attire and other pursuits. Strangely though, I was the tallest of them all er....until they overtook me by the time we reached our teens. I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had continued to tower over them. My childhood was great fun as being taller, I could grab the toy machine gun from Hoy ...Gosh! I remember wrestling on my bed with Hoy and Choon Wern - three of us fighting over THAT gun. Needless to say all of us were punished for our violent tendencies. Incidentally, I stopped growing upwards at the age of nine years old. No kidding! Maybe God knew that I would have terrorised the world if I had turned into an Amazon-like woman :-). Anyway, all my cousins became six-footers before they reached 21. Life is unfair!!!

Last night, I had such a lovely evening with my cousin who lives abroad. After we took him for dinner at yet another of my favorite restaurants Everyday Supreme Restaurant at Red Rock Hotel (where he was afire with the prawn curry and had to drink a glass of cold milk by the time we reached his home), he gave us a session in MMA which stands for Mixed Martial Arts.

Mixed martial arts (MMA) is a full contact combat sport that allows a wide variety of fighting techniques, from a mixture of martial arts traditions and non-traditions, to be used in competitions, street fights or for self-defense. The rules allow the use of striking and grappling techniques, both while standing and on the ground.

My family has very strong roots in martial arts. Another cousin Robert runs a Shao Lin school in Sausalito, Choon Wern teaches Aikido and Tae-kwa-do here, an aunt and another cousin are Tai Chi exponents, hubby does Qiqong, my boy learnt wushu for three years but gave up because he could not cope with the more advanced classes which were conducted in Mandarin (he has only very basic Mandarin skills), another cousin Tony also teaches martial arts here and in London where one of his disciples has opened a school. But the expert of them all is this cousin who is an exponent in Shao Lin, Weng Chun, Karate, Tae-Kwan-Do and Muay Thai.

I learnt one thing last night.

ONE NEEDS DISCIPLINE, DILIGENCE AND PERSEVERANCE TO BE A GOOD DISCIPLE.

Of course I know discipline is important having being in the education sector for so long but in martial arts, we are talking about training for many, many years!!! My cousin started his Shao Lin classes at the age of five and trained rigorously under Dato' P'ng Chye Khim who has been Chief Instructor of Penang Sao Lim Athletic Association for more than 40 years. I have only been running with him once and I dare not go again LOL!!! When running with him at Botanical Gardens, I was NOT ALLOWED TO STOP AT ALL!!!! And if I did stop and pant over bended knees like a dying cat, his loud voice would roar from before me, "NO STOPPING! RUN NOW!!!" That one and only occasion I ran with him was also the time when I ran two big rounds at Botanical Gardens with only one rest stop! I felt so close to dying from exhaustion and collapsing..And we could only stop when he said so. Man, he is like an exercise machine - fit and strong!

Training to be a martial arts exponent is even more difficult that training to be a musician or a writer or even studying as an undergrad or postgrad student. The demands are high and the risks are even higher. He has broken three ribs, his ankle, his thumb, three teeth and goodness knows how many other injuries. My Weng Chun sifu trains four days a week and goes for physiotherapy for his injuries twice a week!!!

Now I can understand why my cousins had been telling me all this while to send Nick for his training as early as possible. How I wish my boy would continue his wushu training. Anyway, back on track.

Firstly, he asked us to show what we had learnt in our Weng Chun classes. Er...yours truly does not have strong powers of recall so my boy who explained everything (phew - what a relief!!!). Then he proceeded to interview us as to why we were learning a martial arts style and gave us a brief lecture on discpline, philosophy and the necessity of avoiding altercations of any sort and how for me, at my age (HAHA!!!) I should look at martial arts as a form of exercise rather than to dream of being able to defend myself in the face of attack as he said the best thing to do when confronted is to RUN!!!! :-) at least for me.

Next, he explained the different backgrounds of Shao Lin, MuayThai and Weng Chun and how they differ in style, combat, positions and strikes. He is soooooooooooo strong (er can pump 300 to 500 pounds until the bar bends!!) and quick (67 kicks in one minute Muay Thai style).

Then he told us that roundhouse kicks are only for movies for in reality, it merely exposes us to open attack. But I kind of like the swinging motion - stylish haha! So we learnt the middle kick, high kick, the importance of targetting the sternum and chin, the importance of snap and speed etc gosh too much for my feeble brain but my boy loved it while hubby was just astounded with his speed!

After that, it was action time!!!

And it was better than watching Ip Man or Jet Li cos hey man - it was real combat. So he showed us the different moves, attacks, kicks, deflections and how these differ in different situations and how MMA is the best form in self-defense.

Ok. Confession time. The best student was my son ...so cousin and Nick went on training and then when it came to sparring time, he used one hand whereas son used two and boy, it was really fun to watch them cos when Nick was crumbling and he was attacking :-), my boy ran off with my cousin chasing him!!! What a sight to behold!

Well, it tells me one thing, dear reader. I really have to be very serious about my training, my fitness level and commitment. This morning, my hubby gave me very subtle hints about the need to keep fit and said, "You are very committed to your blog, aren't you?"

I cringed. "What do you mean?"

"You spend hours and hours staring at your laptop," he remarked calmly.

In typical Malaysian style, my retort was, "Where got????"

*chuckles*

"Look at the number of posts you put up each day," he replied. "Be committed to workout everyday and get back your fitness level. Then we can resume our hiking and running on weekends."

OK. Boss has spoken. And he walks the talk. The minute he comes home, he changes into his gear and does his qigong religiously! So, in order to keep fit, and to be serious, and to be committed - I am going to put in black and white my routine for this week. If I don't do it, it will be mega disgrace.

Once I post this comment, I am going to workout at home er after I clean my bench and equipment. Serious. Please don't laugh lah!!! It is different when working out at home alone - easier to be undisciplined, lazy and to cheat whereas back at the gym, Reo would say, "Your arms are wrong etc..." I hope I have enough strength left after cleaning everything :(.

Here goes...the plan - whether I stick to it remains to be seen. If I don't post again, you can guess what happened to me!

Warm up - Stretches
Treadmill 20 minutes ( I hope I survive!)
Elevation: Level 3
Target distance : 10 miles @ slow speed 10 minutes and medium 10 minutes
Target : 200 calories

Cool down - Bicycle 10 minutes @ 30kph Target 100 calories

Shoulders : Shrugs 3 x10
Seated dumbbell press 3 x10 per arm
Front raises 2 x10 per arm

Arms : Kickbacks 2 x10 per arm
Alternate bicep curls 2 x 10 per arm
French curl 2 x10 per arm

Weight of dumbbell : 3 kg then 5 kg if I can cope.

Legs : Partial wrestler's bridge 3 x 10 reps
leg lifts 100

Cool down Bicycle 5 minutes

Wish me luck!!! Cheers...

Whatever you do, you need courage.

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you you are wrong.

There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right

To map out a course of action and follow it to the end, requires some of the same courage which a soldier needs.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.

- Bernice Johnson Reagon

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Failure occurs only when one stops trying. Babe Ruth once said it is hard to defeat a man who won't give up.

You are never a failure until you stop trying.

Everyone encounters road blocks and faces difficult choices.

Everyone!

This is called life.

We are here to learn. Some lessons are harder than others, but yet once learned make us that much stronger and wiser.

As long as you have learned from the obstacle in your path, you will not encounter it again.

There are many well known individuals that had a very tough go of life, but they did not give up.

Samuel Beckett once said ""Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."

Just because you fail at something doesn't mean you should not still go after your goal.

Failure is the way life lets you know that you need to go about it in a different direction.

Randy Pesch said life puts up brick walls to prevent others from obtaining our dreams. How very right he is.

Look ahead, do not look back on what could have been. There are no "what could have been's", only decisions made, whether right or wrong.

Accept that you made the best decision you could at the time.

Be kind to yourself and trust yourself, for then you will be given the strength to overcome the obstacles that may lie in your way.

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.

Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This day is all that is good and fair.

It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can.

If they see you are afraid of them... they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.

- Orison Swett Marden

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Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven't half the strength you think they have. - Norman Vincent Peale

Have you ever thought or wondered what you would look like when you are old?

Have you thought of growing old with the one you love? Have you thought about your own end?

Recently, my girlfriend Linda who lives in Macau has asked me to write the eulogy for her funeral (she is perfectly healthy) because she wants to hear what I want to say about her while she is alive and not when she has gone. Make sense doesn't it? Only problem is I am not ready for no eulogy, baby :-)! I have never been one who can handle the loss of a loved one easily.

This afternoon, I could not bring myself to go to Amy's funeral. My hubby went for the funeral service while I was at the hospital visiting my uncle who will be having his heart surgery this coming week.

When I came home, I asked hubby if he cried.

Yes.

"Was it because you empathized with Darren and his family? And was it because you thought of how you would feel if I were to die before you did?" I asked in a sombre tone.

Yes.

Did the others cry?

"Of course. The family and many others took it very badly," he said.

Silence followed. We did not talk for an hour or so. Both in deep thought and painful silence.

Today, the realization hit me. I may still be very young at heart in many ways but the fact is the clock is ticking against me. I am not getting any younger and there will come a time when my life will end be it suddenly or when I am old and feeble. I looked at hubby from the corner of my eye while he was reading the newspapers and I suddenly realized how he had aged and it seemed as though I had only just realized it. There seemed to be more white hair and the wrinkles and frown lines appeared deeper around his forehead. Then I went to the mirror to look at myself. Really!!! Hmmm...The mirror does not lie.

Funny how when we love someone, we see the person differently. In my mind, when I look at the one I love, I see him the way he was when I first fell in love with him. That snapshot is embedded in my mind and in my retina. It is only during poignant moments like this when reality hits me.

How precious is my life, and that of those around me and those I love...even that of people I do not know. Indeed Tranquility is right. Life is fragile and beautiful.

When I saw my uncle in bed with all the tubes sticking out of his body, I told him that no matter what, he has to live because we love him and he is and has been like a dad to me and like a grandpa to my boys, especially now that my dad is gone.

This morning, I went all teary-eyed after I visited Tranquility's blog and the dam burst when I heard the following song.

I always feel so moved when I see elderly couples holding hands and also holding their walking sticks or walking slowly together. Such love that lasted through the years...through the test of time, tests and tribulations of all sorts...

So many things have happened to my loved ones this week and even recently and I know how precious is life and how precious are my loved ones and friends. I cannot bear to lose any one of them but alas, we all have to go one day ....but I do wish that I can grow old gracefully with those I love....How about you?

Please listen to this simple but poignant song sung by Adam Sandler...and may you grow old with the ones you love. God bless you...