Four men were bragging about how smart were their cats . The first man was an Engineer ,the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist...and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off , the Engineer called his cat,'T-square , do your stuff.'
T-square pranced over to the desk , took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle , a square , and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet , do your stuff.'
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.............
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure , do your stuff.'
Measure got up , walked to the fridge , took out a quart of milk... got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the glass without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said , 'What can your cat do?'
The Government Employee called his cat and said ,
'CoffeeBreak...do your stuff.'
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet....ate the cookies.....drank the milk........
sh*t on the paper, scr*wed the other three cats..........
claimed he injured his back while doing so.........filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions....
put in for Workers Compensation..............and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............
AND THAT'S WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!!
*Thanks to my sister-in-law for this forwarded article.
Here it is - a test to see if your brain is still working.
Which one do you think is the blonde? No offense meant to any blonde reading this post. It is just for fun and not to insult. :-). My apologies if I have offended you in any way.
Scroll down
Amazing I did not
The Blonde is the one With the wrong leg up.
That's OK.... I didn't Pass the test EITHER!! :-)
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The following was sent to me by Angela (Thanks Angela!)...and it reminds me of "Desperate Housewives" (I only watched the first three episodes of Season 1.)
The Maid asked for a pay raise.
Madam was very upset about this and asked:
'Now Maria, why do you want an increase?'
Maria: 'Well Madam, there are three good reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Madam: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'The Master said so.'
Madam: 'Oh.'
Maria. 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Madam: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?'
Maria: 'The Master did. Madam.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Madam (very upset now): 'Did the Master say so as well?'
Maria: 'No Madam, the chauffeur did.
SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE OF COURSE!
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Here's a definition of globalization which was sent to me by my cousin...
This is a definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now
can relate:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer:
Princess Diana's death.
Question:
How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German
car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed
closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This was sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading
this on your computer that uses Taiwanese chips, and a monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals....
That, my friends, is Globalization!
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On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires,
"How much for a season pass?"
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In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
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HAVE A NICE DAY!!!
What is inner peace? Different people define it differently.
Some say it is a tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.
It could be an unmistaken ability to enjoy each moment.
Others say it is a loss of interest in judging self or even in judging others.
Inner peace can occur when there is a loss in interest in conflict or a loss of interest in interpreting the action of others.
A loss of the ability to worry is a definite symptom of inner peace.
Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation is another indication of this heavenly condition.
Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature could be yet another indicator.
Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes of the Heart will tell others that you have inner peace.
An increasing susceptibility to love extended by others and the uncomfortable urge to extend it can tell others that you are in the throes of inner peace.
An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen can let others know that you are experiencing inner peace.
If you have all or most of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of PEACE may be so far advanced as to not be treatable.
Have a nice day!
-Author Unknown & adapted -
