Just round the corner where I live are two fields. The first one is on a slope and has a court where ladies do their line dancing :-) while their kids run around and have fun with the playground equipment. I usually go to the other field which has a basketball court.
For some time already, I noticed this gentleman who walks two dogs in the evenings - a Pomeranian-Spitz and a mongrel. I could not help but realize the deep love that he has for his canines. Sometimes, when a school bus stops at the corner, he will carry his Pomeranian-Spitz and run to the bus to let the kids pat his doggy's head while his other dog waits patiently.
Yesterday, I bumped into him at the shops nearby and I greeted him warmly and asked why he did not have his dog with him. As we chatted, he asked if I wanted a puppy. Before I could answer, he explained how he found an abandoned puppy with a broken leg and went on to detail how he rescued her and took her to the vet and nursed her back to health. There was so much love and joy in his eyes as he shared about her progress on the road to recovery. Then he said that if I wanted to adopt the pup, he would spay her and give her the necessary jabs before I picked her up.
I was completely stunned. Here is this dog-lover who nursed a pup back to health, showered her with love and affection, and was willing to pay for her medical bill.
His condition - that I had to love her and make sure she had a good life. He explained how he loves his dogs and how he even has three ducks and lets them swim in a children's inflatable swimming pool in his garden!
Following that, he gave me his address and told me to check out the pup whenever I had time.
This evening, after I picked up my boy from his chess club meeting, I drove to his home and saw the pup. As we carried on talking, I was so fascinated that this gentle person has so much love and warmth shining through his eyes. I always believe that the eyes can never lie. And then I asked him if he was a teacher.
To my surprise, he said he is a professor in the School of Chemical Sciences at the university near my home. A highly educated man and yet so humble and unassuming.
I looked at his garden and believe me - it was filled with scraps of paper flying all over - the work of the pup? He nodded and said - Ah they are like that. He was completely unperturbed by the mess and smiled at the pup lovingly!
And then I told him how lucky he was that he gets the morning sun and his garden is shady in the afternoon. To my surprise, he said that he has placed a FAN in the porch to ensure that the dogs do not feel too hot!!!!
As we were talking, another lady came up to us - his neighbour - another kind soul who rescues abandoned dogs and nurses them back to health. Both of them went on and on about how much they love their dogs and how their canines give back more than ten times what they have given them. Awesome!
When I mentioned that my house gets the afternoon sun, he was so disappointed. So was I. I knew in my heart that my garden would be too hot for any living creature. So he advised me to think of a plan if I want to adopt his pup.
Often in life, we meet all kinds of people. There are those who are cold hearted, some who are extremely warm and loving, a few who love too much, not forgetting those who are restrained in the way they show or even receive affection. Having taught thousands and thousands of students, I have seen many kinds of people but I have never seen a man like this professor who is so sincere, pure and warm in the way he loves his pets!!! Amazing! Some cannot even love themselves or their friends for that matter...
I always have great admiration for people who love their pets because very often, they are also warm and loving to their family and friends although I am aware of a few exceptions.
Why is it so easy for some to love and so difficult for some to show and to receive love?
I believe that love is a genuine concern for, an acceptance of, and an interest in the others around me whom I am trying to love. Loving someone is costly, sometimes painful and usually demanding. Because of the inward pain that many of us bear, the scar tissues that are part of our human existence, because of a self-grasping selfish world, loving people means making sacrifices - the orientation of thoughts and desires towards others and the abandonment of self and self-interest. And I now realize that to be a lovable person, one must consent to love others no matter what and to go the extra mile to help, to give and to share! Blind idealism? I think not. I have been blessed by some friends who love me despite who I am...who take the trouble to knock sense into my head, to scold or to advise me and to simply love me in spite of my failings and some of these people would be my spouse, my kids, Angela, Suan, Mun Lee, Mei Ling (Jackie)...and others...
So often we demand that others love us without being willing to make that sacrifice and the abandonment of self to make ourselves lovable. After talking to the professor today, I realize that if anyone has mastered the delicate and profound paradox that love involves, and has been willing to dedicate himself without reservation/withdrawal or a demand for return to the needs and fulfilment of others, he will certainly be loved and fulfilled within himself.
The professor gave what he has for his dogs - he was willing to share with me with only one condition - that I give the doggy my love and devotion. Obviously his dogs love him tremendously for I could see the reciprocal love and adoration they had for each other.
But then, I often wonder - why is it some cannot love? I suspect it is because they had never been loved before. Between black and white (with due respect to MJ), there is always an area of gray. All of us have some capacity to love...but I know there are some who are afraid to love...there is an armor around their hearts.
But is it worth it to hold back love and affection or even friendship for that matter? To withdraw or to cut off or to retreat? I think by doing so, we are depriving ourselves of beautiful experiences that can enrich our lives. By being afraid to love, to give or to receive, we end up being the losers but if we love, give and receive...we are blessed and we bless others too!
What we need to do is to actualize the potential to love that lies within each one of us. Even if for a start we can love a little, so be it....for in doing so, we will receive love and upon receipt of love and affection, it will empower us to grow more and more out of ourselves...to take our eyes off ourselves and to see more of others instead of hiding behind masks and move in the direction that love leads.
To love, the focus of our eyes must be away from ourselves (like in the professor's case - he was willing to spend money and time just so the pup has a new home that can continue the legacy of love he passed on) and he never asked anything of me in return...because when we ask ourselves "What have you done for me?" we have ceased to love....
I have learnt that to love, one must have enormous motivation. In a world like ours which is gouging and clawing for the riches of this world, I acknowledge that it is a long and winding road....a difficult road indeed to love...to maintain friendships...it is an altar of sacrifice that asks a high price in self-forgetfulness and we must seek nothing for ourselves if we want to love truly, wholly and deeply...
And this post was written because of an inspiring man - Prof. Dr. Lim...Thank you, Sir...for the exemplary life you are leading. I see so much gentleness and sincerity in your eyes. In a world where people hide behind masks and make-believe characters, pretentiousness, your goodness is a breath of fresh air and an inspiration...
Frankly, I used to be hurt or disappointed when people did not reciprocate to my kindness or love. Older and much wiser, I smile and disregard such negative cues, take it in my stride and continue to love or to regard them as friends even if they do not respond....If they are afraid to love...their time will come one day and hopefully, I will be but a small pawn to show them that all it takes is a little bit of love and kindness to change the world...even in the way we communicate...And it has to begin with me...and hopefully with you.
Have a lovely evening. Good night.
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