Many thanks to Pauline who sent me these witty and creative puns. Have a good laugh and a pleasant evening!
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his Grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
What do women really want? The answer is quite simple: to have a definitive say in their life, and to regain their self esteem sufficient enough to self govern and freely express their irrepressible love, joy and nurturing qualities.
For thousands of years women have surrendered their power to men. This has become so ingrained in the female psyche that women in most cultures around the world see themselves as second class citizens, and actually believe it is divinely decreed that they subjugate themselves to male dominance. Some male dominated religions as well as political regimes still enforce this belief under pain of drastic sanctions for non compliance.
But the time has come for women to embrace the full power of their wisdom and love. Women are more powerful than they give themselves credit for.
The self-perpetuating illusion of needing to be protected and looked after denies the self-determining creative power of women; denies them the expanse of being that is their birthright and intrinsically inherent in their femininity. In western society, this unfair bias against equality of the genders is gradually breaking down, but insidious remnants of contra-feminine attitudes still appear to surface in most areas of business, politics, sport, media and religion, to name a few.
Can we expect men to go out of their way to change this gender bias? Hardly! They have too much to lose; not the least of which, as many men are discovering, that as women reclaim their personal power and self-confidence in society, some men seem to lose their male identity, succumbing to a defeatist attitude of gender-swapping roles. But it does not have to be this way. In fact, that is not what women want at all.
It is neither submission of one gender to the other, nor dominance of one gender over the other that serves the greater good of either. This is the day and age when both women and men must stand strong and generously in their own unique and beautiful gender roles.
It is our hope for the future that young women and men embrace the opposite sex in an attitude of joy and delight in their differences: equal and opposite. It is these differences that, ironically, contribute to their wholeness. As the next generations allow themselves and each other to express their potential freely, with great joy and for mutual growth and satisfaction, life on this planet will exponentially change for the better.
When will women give themselves permission to be fully and expansively alive: alive and actually in the forefront of thought, of science, of creativity, of religion, of sport, of politics and of business? Bear in mind that women must bring to the table of all these disciplines, their own unique and feminine qualities. They have no need to "make it" in a man's world.
As women's wisdom rises and they begin to believe in their power to control their lives in a powerfully feminine way, our world will discover that love and service are far more effective at breaking down the bias of differences than war and brute force.
The rise of the wise and gentle power of the feminine will allow the forceful masculine need to dominate, to soften into a more enlivening energy, one that works hand in hand with its partner. In a world where the two genders work together in mutual respect and balance, we will initiate an age of peace and growth such as has never been seen before.
It starts with us; with each individual making a conscious shift in expectation of the other, an expectation which sees only generosity and love in the eyes of the other. Let us each make an effort today, so that our children and their children will know only joy and happiness in the full expression of their gender.
Author's Bio
Marie C. Barrett, author and teacher of spirituality, is working for the transformation of consciousness on the planet. An expanded consciousness is forming and higher energies call to every heart. For more information go to holisticwealthcreation.com and see Marie's blog at holisticwealthcreation.com/blog.
Many thanks to my dear friend, Angela, who sent me this list of definitions. Please leave a comment if you wish, dear reader. Have a nice day.
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School - A place where parents pay and children play
Life Insurance - A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse - A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage - It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..
Divorce - Future tense of Marriage.
Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference - The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise - The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
Dictionary - A place where success comes before work
Conference Room - A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
Father - A banker provided by nature
Criminal - A person no different from the rest....except that he/she got caught
Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
Politician - One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after
DOCTOR - A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic - Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life..
Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. - A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions..
Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise.
