Dear blogreader, I have not been blogging as much because my laptop is in ICU. The graphic card and motherboard were burnt because I did not know that the fan was not working. It will cost a lot to repair it and it is not worth it :-( and I will eventually get a replacement. Part of me is so numb because I love my 17inch DELL deeply and it was good while it served me. It has been a very expensive lesson not to spend endless hours in front of my laptop and I am going through cold turkey :-(. Nonetheless, this evening, I came across this excellent article which I would like to share with you. Thanks for visiting my blog. Take care and may you have a lovely weekend.
Warmest wishes,
masterwordsmith
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"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."
-Buddha
Some of what I've learned in the last year, has to do with the exercise of wisdom in setting limits with others and being more discerning about whom to call friend. Friendship of course varies in its intimacy and function. We all have those whom we consider intimates and the more intimate we are with anyone, friend or lover, we increase our vulnerability.
I have made the mistake of attempting to help a few people that I let get close to me, and find myself recovering in many ways in which I was wounded by them. And to make it clear, I'm not entirely innocent of this. There are those who become the evil friend as a result of not attending to their conscience, wisdom and their own internal moral compass, which I believe we all possess. I have at times drifted (as I have at least hinted at in prior blog entries), and as a result I have been the evil friend who has created dissent, tempting others to fall away from their path in wisdom by tempting them to revenge by my actions. And I have suffered great losses as a result.
It may have been from the knowledge, the deep existential knowledge, that I had wounded others that I thought I should dare to attempt to provide aid and comfort to those that I suspected may hurt me, or at the very least disappoint me. And this, in retrospect is related to the blog on self-invalidation (posted this week). I wasn't taking my own status as wounded and not equipped to help others, especially those who were not working on change or growth and reciprocal in providing aid.
I believe that people often don't know what they're doing, even when they're being destructive to others. Any of us can become blind to the needs of others, and how our actions affect those around us. In my recent history I didn't heed wisdom to acknowledge that I needed my own healing before I can offer to others, or at least set limits to that help.
In my case, I faced some financial setbacks, had my privacy violated and even had some valuables stolen from my home. Anyone can recover from these losses, the real damage was in mind, the heart, even the soul as the wounds were delivered by people I decided to trust. One person in particular is someone that I would expect would know better. Ah, I hear the old adage, "Remember what you are when you make assumptions..."
In these situations there is a temptation to go to the embrace cynicism and paranoia. What I have done is cataloged this experience as a lesson and growth. These incidents helped to spark actions to self-care and a continued move into the circles of trust and friendships that have that Aristotelian quality of sharing a mutual and greater good than friendships of convenience.
We all have choices to make about who our friends are. Even in desperate situations or periods of pain we don't have to take whatever comes our way. We can honor ourselves by tending to what we need to grow into the best person each of can be. As we work on our own growth and strength, we can decide, from a position of wisdom and awareness to whom we open the doors of our homes and hearts. We can do this with limits in mind, to be sure that we're providing "helpful help" and not simply enable the laziness and moral inertia of another person that will only lead to our depletion and their continued evil, such as it is.
As we do so, let us also consider what we bring to others, what we mean to them. Let's stay mindful to doing all that we can do to be a good friend to those we love, to be a blessing rather than a curse; to be healers rather than wounders.
When we do wound the others the best course of action is to repair the relationship through acknowledgment of the injury and our part in making it come to pass--this at the very least! And from there endure the response of the wounded that may come with some suspicion, and decide with our wills to continue to build our trustworthiness, earning back any trust lost.
Those who have wounded me are wounded themselves. By other events they couldn't control, and through their own poor actions, moving further away from what seems human. As they wound others they accumulate more wounds themselves. I hope the best for them, even though we can't walk the same path.
Healing comes through the help of others. This has been very true for me and I have a great deal of gratitude to those people--some of them are reading this now, and know who they are. In return, I want to reciprocate goodness and trustworthiness. I want to contribute and a good ear for listening, a disciplined tongue for keeping confidence, and ready hands to help with physical chores and tasks to reduce their burden.
It's all in the practice, and in the practice the learning the art of friendship; and ultimately we learn, with some wavering and failures along the way, what it means to be human.
Be mindful, be prayerful.
Scott Spradlin, MA, LPC
www.cccwichita.com
www.myspace.com/dbtcounselor
Author's Bio
Scott Spradlin is the author of "Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life: How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Can Put You in Control" (New Harbinger, 2003). He is a professional counselor at the Christian Counseling Center of Wichita in Wichita, KS and is an adjunct professor at Wichita State University.
A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs. Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
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Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
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WITTY EXPRESSIONS
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
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CHINESE PROVERBS TO MAKE YOU SMILE
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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With the U.S. sinking hopelessly into a black hole of debt, and households facing an avalanche of tax hikes that will at best postpone the nation's day of bankruptcy, we are all hard-pressed at this point to see a way to a happy ending. Lo, along comes an anonymous e-mail that describes a way to solve everyone's debt problems painlessly. If you think the plan can work, I would urge you to forward it to your congressmen. But if you see a fatal flaw in the logic, please leave a comment :-). Here's the magical plan to cure America's"Accounts Receivable Crisis":
"It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea . It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
"Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
"He enters the only hotel, lays a 100-euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
"The hotel proprietor takes the 100-euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
"The butcher takes the 100-euro note and runs to pay what he owes the cattle ranch owner.
"The cattle ranch owner takes the 100-euro note and runs to pay his debt to his supplier of feed and fuel.
"The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100-euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that, in these hard times, proffered her 'services' on credit.
"The prostitute take the 100-euro note and runs to the hotel to pay for the rooms she rented when she brought her clients there.
"The hotel proprietor then lays the 100-euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
"At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, takes the 100-euro note off the desk, tucks it back into his wallet, and explains that he did not like any of the rooms. He then leaves town.
"No one earned a penny. However, the whole town is now without debt and looks to the future with great optimism.
"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business."
Come to think of it, that is almost exactly the way Uncle Sam is handling the debt problem. Your comments are welcome at the forum.
