masterwordsmith-unplugged

Dear reader, Do have a good laugh when you read these jokes sent to me by Freddie. Please do not take offense because as always, my intention is to share humor, laughter and cheer. If you are offended, please accept my sincere apologies. Thanks and have a nice day.

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What is a KISS ?

It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.
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What men do after sex ?

2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep and 86% get up and go back home to their wives.

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Why is your pe**s better than a credit card ?

(a) Once spent it recharges itself.

(b) It is accepted worldwide.

(c) You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

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LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a pe**s like a peanut !

MUM: You mean it's small ?

LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty !!!

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A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.

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A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.

The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies ?

MAN: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.

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Women top 5 lies : from the whitest down

5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I can't do that to my best friend.
2. I won't gain weight after marriage
1. I am coming ! I am coming !!!

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A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic. She says:
What is that? He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear.

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What is the closest thing to a woman's period ?

Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F**KED !!!

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Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first ?

A Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

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Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school ?

Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR P***Y".

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What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain ?

Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.

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MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your p***y say STOP !

GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP !!!!"

One of the wonders of nature that fascinated me from the time I was a four year old till now is the Aurora Borealis.

Auroras, sometimes called the northern and southern (polar) lights or aurorae (singular: aurora), are natural light displays in the sky, usually observed at night, particularly in the polar regions. They typically occur in the ionosphere. They are also referred to as polar auroras. In northern latitudes, the effect is known as the aurora borealis, named after the Roman goddess of dawn, Aurora, and the Greek name for north wind, Boreas by Pierre Gassendi in 1621. The aurora borealis is also called the northern polar lights, as it is only visible in the sky from the Northern Hemisphere, the chance of visibility increasing with proximity to the North Magnetic Pole, which is currently in the arctic islands of northern Canada. Auroras seen near the magnetic pole may be high overhead, but from further away, they illuminate the northern horizon as a greenish glow or sometimes a faint red, as if the sun was rising from an unusual direction.

The aurora borealis most often occurs from September to October and from March to April. The northern lights have had a number of names throughout history. The Cree people call this phenomenon the "Dance of the Spirits." Auroras can be spotted throughout the world. It is most visible closer to the poles due to the longer periods of darkness and the magnetic field.

We live in troubled times where our peace and safety are often in danger. Most feel helpless and unable to affect the unfolding events in our present world. And yet many are uniting their minds, energy and actions in order to create a peaceful and safe world with dignity for all.

Some groups work politically while others spiritually or socially. Some focus on the poor or refuges, others on human rights, some on the politicians themselves who seem to be making the decisions.

During this period of our evolution, it is so important that each of makes his or her personal statement through thoughts words and actions.

We do not have luxury of being indifferent. If we are not part of the solution, then through our apathy, we are part f the problem itself. Unfortunately many good and loving people like you and I have been too occupied with our small personal lives, ignoring the directions our society has been taking.

What can we do to more powerfully effect the world we live in?

1. Create your personal vision of the world you would like to live in.

How would you like this world to be? Should there be justice, equality, love, abundance and dignity for all regardless of race, nationality or religion?

This is an important first step. You cannot create what you do not desire or cannot imagine.

This vision is within us all. We all know what we want from others and life. What is often not the as clear is if we also want the same for others. It is important for us to decide whether it is important for us that others also have what we so much want from life.

Try writing a description of your personal vision as to how you would like your world to be and also how you would like the rest of us to be and live.

2. Aligning ourselves is the next step.

We cannot inspire others to such values as peace equality, love and justice if we ourselves do not embody these inwardly and practically in our lives.

We need to align our lives with our highest values and behave in ways that we believe all will need to behave in order to create the world we want to live in. Actions speak much louder than words.

Think, if everyone did this, how would the world be.» If you think the world would be great, then go ahead. If you perceive that there would be problems if everyone were to act (or not act) as you, then perhaps you need to align yourself more completely with your higher self.

3. Unite with others towards common goals.

Alone we are weak and helpless, but united we can be very powerful. (Think of Ghandi or Mother Theresa.) Seek out others who share your ideas and visions. You may want to work together towards various possible goals such as:
a. Greater communication between conflicting groups such as religions, political parties, the generations, workers & employers etc.
b. Rehabilitation for prisoners or physically or emotionally unwell.
c. Food, shelter and employment for refugees and homeless.
d. Protection for orphans, unwed mothers and the elderly.
e. Political actions through letters, telephone calls, speeches and marches for causes.
f. Protecting the environment and animals.
g. Prayer and positive visualization and invocation for peace and the highest possible good for all.

You can think of so many other aspects of our realty that need healing and help.

4. Dedicate as much time and energy as you can to the cause you choose - without of course, neglecting your family and work.

We all have at least an hour a week (and many have much more) that we can dedicate to creating a healthier, happier more equal reality for all humans and other beings. Our immediate environment has a great need for our positive energy and actions.

5. Our prayers and positive thoughts will always increase the effectiveness of our efforts.

Also there are situations that may be going on beyond our sphere of physical influence. In such a case, prayer and positive visualization are our main tools.

Avoid the trap of hate

We need to avoid cultivating hate or violence towards those whom we consider the «causes» of the problems we perceive. These beings and especially our political and religious leaders are simply manifestations of our collective beliefs and needs.

They represent the state of our social and religious consciousness which is still at a low level of evolution. They are showing us how we, as a mass, think and behave. There could only be a Hitler as long as that quality of hate, prejudice and misuse of power existed in us all to some degree.

Thus, hating these leaders or others will not help anyone. We need to send them light and love and pray for their connection to higher aspects of their being, and of course, for our collective connection to higher aspects of our universal self.

Let us look into ourselves to see how we, in our small world, act in ways that are similar to those leaders. Most of us have misused power and behaved violently (with words or actions) to our spouses, children, siblings and parents or those who annoy us. What we are seeing in the world is our inner world on a larger scale.

Learned the possible lessons

While praying and acting towards the highest possible good for all, we also need to have faith that each present situation is the perfect reality (until if changes) that we need in order to learn our next lessons. We may need to learn inner security, sacrifice, selfless love, courage, dedication to a cause, self-esteem, forgiveness, unity, humility, selflessness or inner strength, among many other possibilities.

Some situations exist in our lives, simply to offer us these lessons and once we learn them they disappear or cease to be problems.

Please get started

I sincerely hope you will get started today or this week at the latest with this process of:

1. Remembering your vision of the world you want to live in.

2. Aligning yourselves with those virtues and qualities.

3. Uniting and cooperating with others towards common goals and causes.

4. Dedicating thought, time and energy towards those causes.

5. Praying for all – even the perpetrators – that we may all act for ever-higher aspects of our beings.

A prayer for our troubled times

We can all help during these difficult moments by sending out as much positive energy as possible.

When we pray, we create thought fields that affect our common reality.

It is better to thank God and all Angelic Beings for doing what we know is best, rather than ask for it. This sends out a more positive energy field of confidence that will and is happening.

Rather than cultivate negative feelings towards various leaders, we can help us all by visualizing their inner contact with their higher self and inner guidance, so that they are aligned to the highest possible good with them.

From that point on, we accept whatever happens as the best possible solution for humanity ad ourselves at this time.

Author's Bio
Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Info at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks, guidance, mp3 audio lectures and teleclasses at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com .