Have you ever felt your mind get away from you? One moment, you're completely calm, the next, you feel so distressed you can barely keep it together. Racing in a million directions, your mind plays out the countless possibilities, and all the while, your resolve to remain calm slips away. At times like these, our mind might seem like a wild elephant, racing out of control. How can we tame this wild elephant so it works for us, instead of against us?
If you tether an elephant, it flaps its ears and slaps its tail and tries to run away. And that's what the mind does when we try to tether it. The tighter we try to take hold of our thoughts, the stronger they pull away from us. Here's a great example--think about something, anything at all--just don't think about a pink elephant. When you read that, what did you think of? My guess is, you probably thought of a pink elephant. So trying to stop ourselves from thinking about something might not be the best approach.
Scolding an elephant when it runs away won't do much good either. Could you imagine trying to scold an elephant? Scolding ourselves is like that too--when our mind runs wild it won't produce positive results. We might scold ourselves until we're out of energy...we might be angry until we're blue in the face, but our mind is still going to think what it wants. So I hope you'll take my word for it--there's a better approach than scolding ourselves.
Judging an elephant isn't productive either--it won't help the elephant and it won't make our job easier. So too, if we judge ourselves, or our thoughts, what have we accomplished? We might feel badly about ourselves, we might feel worthless, but we certainly won't experience the greatness within us. So judging ourselves or our thoughts isn't the approach we're looking for either.
So what is the best approach? If a wild elephant tries to run away, instead of tethering it, or scolding it, or judging it, you might gently pull it back. Again and again, each time it runs away, gently pull it back. It might help to offer a peanut or something sweet to convince it to come back willingly too. Over time, and with continual training, the elephant will be tamed when it knows you're the master. So too, will your mind be tamed when you practice pulling it back.
Each time you experience a thought you don't want, either during meditation or in your daily life, gently pull your mind away from that thought. Your first impulse is probably going to be to judge yourself, or to force the thought from your mind. But we both know this just won't work. Gently pulling your mind back is the best way, and just like the elephant, this is easier if you have something sweet to pull your mind back to. This is a form of mantra meditation. Focus on feeling your breath moving in and out of your body, and pull your mind back to a mantra or positive affirmation. For example, if you keep thinking to yourself, "I'm so ugly," you might choose to say, "I am beautiful." The more you practice affirming this to yourself, the more powerful it becomes. Think about it...it worked in the opposite direction, right? Haven't your negative thoughts brought you down? Haven't they created all kinds of havoc in your life? Why not let positive affirmations have a go at it for a while, and see what happens?
Positive affirmations can take many forms. To create yours, use the present tense, be positive and avoid the word 'not.' For example, your affirmation might be, "I love myself for who I am," instead of saying, "I don't hate myself anymore." Then practice repeating it to yourself with conviction throughout your day. When things are easy, this practice is a cinch. Then, during trying times, when our mind wants to go wild, positive affirmations give our mind something steady to hold on to.
Like an elephant, the mind is powerful. And once tamed, both elephants and the mind will work for you. So when you find yourself in the midst of negative thinking, when you find your mind running away on you, gently pull it back. By continually pulling your mind back into positive thoughts, you'll find your self-esteem increasing and your outlook on life improving.
May all be happy and may all be well.
Author's Bio
Ralph Miller invites you on a journey of the heart as you learn to meditate, where he provides everything you need to begin and continue a personal meditation practice to steady your mind, calm your emotions, and heal your life.
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or students ... here is something to make you chuckle.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was, "Don't."
"Don't what ?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit ? We have forbidden fruit ? Hey, Eve ... we have forbidden fruit !"
"No way !"
"Yes, way !"
"Do NOT eat the fruit !" said God.
"Why ?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so !" God replied, (wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and was He ticked !
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ?" God, as our first parent, asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it !" Adam said,
"Did not !"
"Did too !"
"DID NOT !"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
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Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"
"Yes father, it is I."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."
The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No father."
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No father."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No father, I cannot tell you."
The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."
Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."
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In an ancient monastery in a faraway place, a new monk arrived to join his brothers in copying books and scrolls in the monastery's scriptorium. He was assigned as a rubricator on copies of books that had already been copied by hand.
One day he, asked Father Florian, "Does not the copying by hand of other copies allow for chances of error? How do we know we are not copying the mistakes of someone else? Are they ever checked against the original?"
Father Florian is set back a bit by the obvious logical observation of this youthful monk. "A very good point, my son. I will take one of the latest books down to the vault and compare it against the original."
Father Florian went down to the secured vault and began his verification.
After a day had passed, the monks began to worry and went down looking for the old priest. They were sure something must have happened. As they approached the vault, they heard sobbing and crying. When they opened the door, they found Father Florian sobbing over the new copy and the original ancient book, both of which opened before him on the table. It was obvious to all that the poor man had been crying his old heart out for a long time.
What is the problem, Reverend Father?" asked one of the monks.
"Oh my," sobbed the priest, "the word is 'celebrate'!"
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A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!"
The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again.
He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle.
With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cuz "God will grant him a miracle."
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God.
He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down."
St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter."
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When we want to improve our lives we set an intention of what we would like and then we look for results. We may have visualized the result and taken some actions. Why do our intentions fall short of our desired results? Maybe it’s a little thing called “counter intention.”
Counter Intention is a belief we hold in direct opposition to our conscious intention buried in our subconscious mind. We may for example have intent to weigh less. In the subconscious we may have a belief if we look good and attract more partners than we will have to be more intimate, yet we fear intimacy.
So which intent will win? Our subconscious or counter intention always wins because it has the greater power.
The conflict sets up an energy block within us and since our subconscious has the greater power we end up getting the opposite of our conscious intent. The energy system within our body changes polarity - a Psychological Reversal. All self-sabotage results from Psychological Reversal.
We can compare Psychological Reversal to positive and negative batteries in a flashlight. They need to be properly installed for the flashlight to work. Polarity change means the positive and negative energy systems in our body have been switched and we get the opposite of our conscious choices.
Psychological Reversal occurs when our subconscious mind believes it is better for us to keep our chronic pain, extra weight, or bad habit rather than change.
The following explains in brief detail how our inner child, Shadow, or victim consciousness may sabotage our success.
Cathryn Taylor a counselor and author of The Inner Child Workbook explains how our inner child can sabotage us. Our inner child sabotages our efforts to succeed in an attempt to protect us from failure . . . it fears our success! It fears our being too powerful. It is frightened we will get hurt.
Our Shadow sabotages us when we deny it and push feelings and behaviors we dislike down into our subconscious. As Carl Jung said the Shadow is, The negative side of the personality, the sum of all those unpleasant qualities we like to hide, together with the insufficiently developed functions. For example, intense reactions to others may indicate the same qualities within ourselves we refuse to face.
According to John O’Neill, The Paradox of Success, our Shadow can sabotage success by an imbalanced focus on acquiring power, inappropriate sexual relations, overly pursuing money, or addictive behavior. Do any famous people come to mind?
Finally, our victim mentality sabotages us through subconscious thoughts of being unworthy and powerless. Victims fail to recognize themselves as victims to their own critical thoughts and beliefs.
CREATING STRESS AND SELF-SABOTAGE
Janie Behr, a life coach, talks about ways we create self-sabotage. She says, Over reacting to stressful situations is a form of self-sabotage that causes emotional stress. Do you know people who create unnecessary conflicts and emotional drama?
Do you engage in a lot of negative self-talk inside your head? Do you interpret positive events as negative? Do you sabotage yourself by creating self-fulfilling prophecies to prove your negative beliefs? You can learn how to change the negative self-talk into positive self-talk
Do you sabotage your relationships by being aggressive rather than assertive? Do you know the difference between aggressive and assertive? Do you let others walk all over you for fear of saying no and sabotage your own self-esteem? You can learn how to be assertive and also speak up and say no to begin establishing good personal boundaries.
Do you sabotage yourself by taking a pessimistic view and seeing things worse than they are? This undermines your esteem, health, and success.
Which of the self-sabotage methods apply to you? Do you want to reduce the stress in your life and quit sabotaging yourself? If so break through your denials, discover and express your unmet needs, strive to uncover your unconscious patterns of pain, face your fears, and take back your power.
SABOTAGE: DOUBTS AND FEARS
We all have fears and doubts. Kishori Aird, a professional naturopath and a medical-intuitive, says, It is far better to acknowledge those fears and doubts straight up and use that energy to propel us towards our goals than it is to have that energy, unexpressed, oppose those goals.
Aird recommends the use of any positive statements needs to also recognize our doubts. When we add even if . . . to our statements, this gives our saboteur a voice. An example might be, I choose to improve my self-esteem even if I doubt it will get better.
TIPS TO MOVE BEYOND SABOTAGE
1. Do you tend to focus on what is wrong or missing in your life? Does this attract more of the same? Instead focus on all the things that do work. The Law of Attraction says, Where your attention goes, your energy flows.
2. Do you spend a lot of time worrying about or fearing the future? Instead focus on solutions and take action when you can. Even small actions can make a difference.
3. Do you sabotage by comparing yourself to others and then feel bad? Instead think about, write out, and focus on daily qualities or strengths you have or can develop.
4. Do you feel worthless or less than? Do you make excuses for yourself? Begin looking in the mirror, morning and evening, and say, I love myself. Your critical thoughts will emerge. Pay attention to them and continue the mirror exercise for a minimum of twenty-one days straight. What do you notice has changed? Do you value and appreciate yourself more?
5. Do you live in the past, in past failures? How can you learn from your failures and grow?
OVERCOMING SABOTAGE
We can choose to become aware of our unconscious beliefs through reprogramming methods such as the one explained in Carolyn Ball’s book, Claiming Your Self-Esteem.
We can also use ways to dissolve and release these beliefs once we become aware of them. One way is Byron Katie’s, The Work, which has questions for releasing beliefs which no longer serve us. The four questions include:
1. Is this belief true?
2. Who would I be without the thought?
3. Could I let this go?
4. Would I let this go? When?
Then like Carolyn Ball’s reprogramming choose a new belief.
Joe Vitale in The Key also has a method of reprogramming unconscious beliefs, which block attracting our intents. Joe says, We are unconsciously attracting the wrong things. The Key tells of Joe’s journey out of poverty.
The Emotional Freedom Technique – EFT – also has a method for dealing with subconscious objections or yes-buts that may arise to sabotage the positive affirmations used as part of the EFT. Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, calls the yes-buts “tail enders.”
EFT combines tapping certain acupressure points on the body while repeating a specific choice statement to release physical or emotional issues. The method would include the original statement and an antidote to the tail ender. For example, the original choice: “I choose to be successful in my business.” The tail ender: But if I am successful other people will ridicule me the way my father used to.” The antidote: I choose to feel respected even when I am successful.” The final statement: I choose to feel respected even when I am successful in my business.” See THIS LINK for how to use EFT for negative tail enders.
I believe most of us would like to heal our pain or suffering. We may, however, have been unaware of the causes or methods to do so. Even further, we may be unaware of how sabotage occurs to thwart our best intentions. We may fail to recognize or heal our wounded inner child. We may deny the Shadow parts of our personalities. We may choose to allow our victim mentality to keep us powerless and feeling unworthy.
Author's Bio
In over 35 years of personal-growth/spiritual-growth, Michael David is an alternative energy medicine practitioner who has practiced many healing methods of alternative medicine & distance energy-healing.
Michael, a certified Bowenwork Practitioner, does Bowen Therapy also known as the Bowen Technique or Bowtech, in person, for pain relief. The Bowen Technique,as a form of energetic bodywork, is a gentle soft tissue manipulation of muscles or tendons, which stimulates the whole body to reset and heal itself.
