POLITICS EXPLAINED AND OTHER JOKES
11/09/2009 11:00:00 AM Lovingly unplugged by masterwordsmith
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
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Einstein dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter says, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really are Einstein! Welcome to Heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?" George W looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."
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Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
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This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
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One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.
"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."
"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"
"He named your daughter Denise."
"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"
"He named your son Denephew."
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A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquires.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responds.
The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
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Have a nice day!!
THIS IS IT!!!
11/09/2009 03:26:00 AM Lovingly unplugged by masterwordsmith
Have you watched Michael Jackson's "THIS IS IT" yet? If you have not, please book your tickets asap. I watched it tonight and savored every single nanosecond of this movie. This awesome and mind-blowing film shows us that even at 50 years of age and despite suffering from arthritis and prescription drugs, Michael Jackson could move like no one else on earth and put on the kind of show that befits his title of King of Pop. I am so bowled over by the music, the powerful choreography and terrific music that bears testimony to Jackson’s singular genius and ability to entertain people of all backgrounds and ages. Truly, none can ever come close to being compared to even his shadow.
His gentleness, creative talent that is par excellence, zeal for perfection in the way he orchestrated his rehearsals and desire to please his fans, not forgetting his marvelous professionalism in which he handled the people involved in the rehearsals must never be forgotten. Tragically, his sold-out concerts never came to pass because of his untimely death.
Michael Jackson's THIS IS IT is the documentary that chronicles the intense rehearsals of his 50 London-based concerts that failed to take place due to the his drug-induced death in June. It gives Jackson fans and music lovers worldwide a rare, behind-the-scenes look at the performer to enjoy how he developed, created and rehearsed for his sold-out concerts that would have taken place beginning this summer in London's O2 Arena.
The film is produced with the full support of the Estate of Michael Jackson and is made from efforts to put together more than one hundred hours of behind-the-scenes footage, featuring Jackson rehearsing a number of his songs for the show from April through June, 2009.
In raw and candid detail, THIS IS IT captures the singer, dancer, filmmaker, architect, creative genius and great artist at work as he creates and perfects his final show with Kenny Ortega, Michael Jackson's creative partner and the director of the stage show which is produced by Randy Phillips, Kenny Ortega and Paul Gongaware.
The film opens with a footage of the backup dancers bursting into tears as they describe their hopes for working with Michael Jackson, but eventually it becomes clear that it was a mentorship as much as a work environment on that stage. His instructions to the dancers and musicians, while soft-spoken and polite, are regarded as though they are instructions from heaven above! The adulation from the crew is utterly inspiring!
The film is special to me because I learnt how MJ pays so much attention to minute details showing sensitivity to music, his art, the feelings of his supporting team and a deep love for the environment as well. The exchanges in the movie between various quarters revealed a lot not only about MJ but also the kind of people he was working with - all of whom had the highest respect for this music icon that none can ever hope to emulate.
During one of the interviews where the principal dancers are being selected, the guy in charge reminded them that they were to be 'the extensions of Michael Jackson" and truly, they met expectations even when the real spectacle is MJ front and center. The rough camera angles and bare stage are fascinating even though MJ looked very gaunt and thin in this movie. The elegance, fluidity in motion and superb dancing skills displayed by MJ are echoed beautifully by the back-up dancers, usually in glorious high-def. I enjoyed the subtle shoulder movements in "Human Nature" and my feet were tapping to "Billie Jean" not forgetting his beautiful vocals and expressiveness in the slow numbers. However, I must admit that his voice was not as good as when he was younger.
I really love the way MJ spoke so gently even though he's in control of pretty much everything,at times having minor tiffs with director Kenny Ortega about timing and asking the band to hold off on their next cue, to give time to "let him sizzle." The dancers and back-up vocals are simply astounding!!!
Click on THIS LINK to enjoy this clip of the theme song and the magnificent guitar work of 24 year old Orianthi Paranganis whom many regard as the other star of THIS IS IT. This Greek-Australian virtuoso guitarist has blonde hair blowing in the fans and fingers blazing on the frets of the guitar burning up the stage next to the entertainment legend.
There are a few unfamiliar numbers such as "Earth Song," and the fantastic military exercise known as "The Drill" and the old I Want You Back". MJ gave a soulful rendition of "I'll Be There," that seemed so perfect and heartfelt. Another sequence that I love is the new film footage shot to introduce "Thriller". At certain parts, it feels overly slick until the dancers arrive onstage in zombie regalia to join Michael in the iconic dance - most powerful indeed. His synchronized and well-timed movements are superb and I really marvel at the energy that he displayed.
Most significantly, Jackson's death is wisely never mentioned in the film at all and it is as though the producer wanted the audience to remember him like this. With Ortega becoming his own character in the film, and a final scene of the entire crew in the prayer circle almost as if they are worshipping MJ as a demi-God, this is first-class artistic collaboration that is simply unbelievable!!!
The usual hits such as Smooth Criminal, Billie Jean, Beat It, Black or White, Thriller and so on reminded me of those days when I used to go for jazz dance classes and how difficult it was for me to follow the dance sequences that the instructor tried to teach me. As such, I can appreciate the amount of effort that these dancers put in for their performances. These dancers simply oozed with sensuality, style and showmanship. It reminded me of those days at night-spots such as Borsalino, Cinta, Hippodrome, Carmen Inn etc - days gone by in my youth when grooving to the beat was so easy. Then, clubbing mainly centered on dances unlike today. Alas, at my age, albeit younger than MJ, I don't think I can ever moonwalk no matter how hard I try!!!
The following is one of my favorite songs clips from the movie:
When you are watching the movie, please stay remain seated until after the credits of the movie as there are some surprises at the end. For MJ fans, I have to admit that THIS IS IT represents an unforgettable and honest account of a life that was cut far too short, a life that has made the difference to the lives of many others. This isn't Michael Jackson at his best but rather Michael Jackson showing the world he is the best and what is the best! You must watch it! Believe me - you won't regret it.
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