TIME TO UNWIND WITH SOME HUMOR

One day there was a man who was walking through the forest and got lost. He wandered around for over a week, and was beginning to starve. He spotted a Bald Eagle who had just caught a fish and chased it, hoping to get it to drop the fish so he could eat it. Then he saw the bird land on a tree stump not far from him, so he picked up a stone to toss at it--hoping the bird would be frightened and fly away without the fish. But, weak as he was, his aim was off and he hit the poor bird square on the head, and killing it.

"Well," he thought to himself, "no sense letting it go to waste, if I leave it here it will just rot, and it could save my life if I eat it."

So, he built himself a little fire--using a couple of stones and cooked the eagle to eat. While it was cooking a ranger stumbled upon the man, and when he saw what he was up to, he immediately arrested him--because as you know, that is quite illegal!

The man told the ranger what had happened, and asked for a trial so he could explain the situation to a judge.

So, the day of his trial he told the judge, "Please your Honor, it was a life or death situation! I was lost and starving, and I didn't mean to harm the bird--I only wanted the fish! And when I accidentally killed it, well, I felt terrible but couldn't see any reason to let it go to waste!"

The judge listened to the man's story and deemed him, "Not guilty, on the grounds of extenuating circumstances."

The man was very grateful, and thanked the judge for his fairness.

Then, the judge leaned over and quietly asked the man, "Just between you and me, what DOES a Bald Eagle taste like anyway??"

The man comtemplated this for a moment and then spoke, "Well, it's kind of hard to explain... but, I would say somewhere between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl."

________________________________________

Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love. The first woman said, "My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that."

The second woman proclaimed, "My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!"

The third woman replied, "Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it's going to be, when I finally get it..."

____________________________________

You may be a geek if....

You've ever used a computer on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend.

You find yourself interrupting computer store salesman to correct something he said.

The first thing you notice when walking in a business is their computer system and offer advice on how you would change it.

You've ever mounted a magnetic tape reel.

You own any shareware.

You know more IP addresses than phone numbers.

You've ever accidentally dialed an IP address.

Your friends use you as tech support.

You've ever named a computer.

You have your local computer store on speed dial.

You can't carry on a conversation without talking about computers.

Co-workers have to E-mail you about the fire alarm to get you out of the building.

You've ever found "stray" diskettes when doing laundry.

Your computer has it's own phone line - but your teenager doesn't.

You check the national weather service web page for current weather conditions (rather than look out the window).

You know more URLs than street addresses.

Your pet has a web page.

You get really excited when Yahoo adds your link.


_______________________________________-

Be Sure You Know The Subject Matter

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. She said: "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lily put up her hand. "Yes, Lily?"

"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

"Very good. Thanks, Lily," said the male teacher. He then turned to the first girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have three things to tell you: First, you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And thirdly, I fear, one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."

___________________________________

Heavenly Transportation

Three men die and go to heaven. At the gate St. Peter tells them, "Before you go into heaven, we are going to give you each a vehicle with which to get around. The way we determine what type of vehicle you will get is by how faithful you were to your wives. Now," he says, turning to the first man, "were you true to your wife?"

Yes, I was, St. Peter," says the first man. "I never strayed. From the day I married her to the day I died, I slept with no woman other than my wife. I loved her very deeply."

"As reward for your complete fidelity," says St. Peter, "I now give you these keys to a beautiful Roll-Royce."

The man happily accepts the keys, and St. Peter turns to the second man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"

"Well, St. Peter," says the second man a little shyly, "I must admit that when I was much younger, I did stray once or twice. But I did love my wife very much, and after those minor indiscretions, I was completely faithful until my dying day."

St. Peter looks down at the man and says, "As a reward for good marital conduct, I am giving you these keys to a Pontiac."

As the man takes the keys from him St. Peter turns to the third man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"

"St. Peter," says the man, "I screwed everything I could, every chance I got. There wasn't a week of my marriage that I didn't sleep with someone other than, wife. But I must admit to you, St. Peter, that it was a problem I had, because I really did love my wife very much."

"Well," says St. Peter, "we do know that you did love your wife and that does count for something, so this is what you get." With that he rolls out a ten-speed bicycle and gives it to the man.

The gates of heaven open, and the three men enter.

Some time later the man on the bicycle is riding along, when he sees that the man with the Rolls Royce has pulled over and is sitting on the bumper of his car. He is sobbing uncontrollably.

The man pulls his bicycle up next to the car and says, "Hey, pal, what's the matter? What could possibly be wrong? You have a beautiful Rolls Royce to drive around in?"

"I know," says the man through his sobs, "but I just saw my wife on roller skates!"

____________________________________

Washing The Dog

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

__________________________

Have a lovely evening, dear reader!

HONESTLY, DO THEY EXPECT US TO TRUST THEM?

When I look at children these days, I wonder what happened to the beautiful process of growing up and enjoying one's childhood. Those formative years seem to be dotted with pressure to conform at the expense of the development of creativity and zest for life .The element of humanity seems to be missing. Could this be the reason why many citizens today have such a cold regard for the betterment of our nation? More importantly, is this why we have before us a generation of leaders who do not have the welfare of the nation or the citizens in their hearts?

I often wonder how a nation that had so much potential can wither away to where we are today. So often, we tend to look at others with so much suspicion and doubt. What led to such a scenario? Trust should be present instead of suspicion but alas, it has to be earned. It is not easy to build trust. Whatever trust has been developed in the past can be shattered easily with just one error.

Where the nation is concerned, many citizens have been vocal in expressing their desire for justice, integrity and transparency in governance but these cries have fallen on deaf ears and the status quo seems to be more bent on achieving their evil agenda to deprive citizens of what is rightfully theirs.

In such a situation, can there be trust?

On one hand some declare their desire to serve the rakyat but go about doing the exact opposite. Then there are those who engage professionals to expertly craft their media messages or campaigns which they regurgitate happily at official functions BUT when they speak off the cuff, nothing but farcical and fallacious statements are spat from their mouths.

So how do you expect the rakyat like us to feel?

Do they really think we are so dumb as not to have the ability to put two and two together to see the hypocrisy and the inconsistency of the statements? Granted that some of them have their neurons centred on deceit and other devious schemes to plunder and re-direct what rightfully belongs to the citizens to other accounts.

What about the Opposition? Do they have much to offer?

I am a very fair and objective person. Whilst I may lambaste the status quo, I am also aware of the shortcomings of the other side. No one is perfect in this world, including myself. BUT, there is one thing that the Opposition must realize - their public relations strategy is totally a washout to say the least.

On one hand, we see how some can spend RM20million to boost their public image and international repute or the little that is left of it. On the other hand, we see how representatives from component parties of PR do not think before they speak and spew statements that dent the already heavily dented armour of the Opposition.

What are some of the issues that Pakatan Rakyat leaders have to realize?

1. Do not wash dirty linen in public to earn the rakyat's trust and confidence in the party.

Party unity and cohesiveness are vital to earn the trust of supporters. Identifying areas of weakness within and lambasting guilty ones in public do nothing for its public image! For instance, a cry to shape up or ship out may come from a sincere heart to reinforce areas of weakness BUT can't this message be communicated in such a way that puts the Opposition side in a more positive light? At the same time, the antics and independent statements of some quarters and the reaction of the leaders to these have undermined the credibility of the Opposition front. They must act to reinforce areas of weakness lest they disintegrate from an impending implosion.

A lot would depend on their public relations/media strategist for them to vet the messages and to ensure that the message is communicated via the right medium/channel to effect the correct response from the target audience. As it is, I think the negative effects of their statements have outnumbered positive effects, if any.

2. Slow responses to attacks from the other camp does not mean resilience. It only shows that the victim of such attacks is contributing to the lack of damage control.

A good example would be the Kampung Buah Pala issue. There have been so many attacks on the Penang Opposition government which have dented their image and to the extent that many have a negative perspective of the issue/opposition. Lies have to be put to the test. If there are certain quarters who persist in spewing these lies, the Opposition government must immediately respond with media statements as a damage control measure.

Silence or indifference does not mean that one is innocent. Neither does it show the resilience of the victim of such attacks. To the public, it could mean that they are silent because they are guilty.

As a mass communications undergraduate, I was blessed with excellent lecturers who emphasized the importance of dealing with crisis messages or damage control. As a lecturer in business communication, journalism and other writing courses years ago, I passed on this message when I trained my students to formulate the right response in good news/bad news situations. And now, as a concerned citizen, I am appealing to the Opposition to pull up their socks and think before they speak lest they lose ground support.

I have seen the media statements from some quarters and to me, it is all but rhetoric which saddens me deeply.

Words carry no meaning per se because it is the receiver of the message who give meaning to the words - that is a basic principle that I impart to my students in the first few lectures of my courses. It is sad that some quarters think that just because they say something, their audience will swallow whatever they communicate to them.