It is very difficult to be real in a cruel world. In fact, it involves conscious, courageous effort to be sincere and to let people know who we are. I have always found it a painful challenge to recognize deceptions and pretenses in people whom I regard as friends and to be able to maintain my own desire to be an authentic person. The more we hold on to integrity, the greater our willingness to be authentic. I firmly believe that when we are real persons who do not hide behind masks or a different persona, our life experiences will be deepened and the legacy that we leave behind will be one that will be remembered. But it is not that easy for few dare to be real for fear of being hurt or for other reasons known to themselves.
In all my courses, I used to tell my students to be completely honest with me to disclose the actual reason why they could not meet deadlines and I never bust them when they admit their laziness :-) even though I am a tough taskmaster. I would rather they tell me the truth than a whole string of lies. When we dare to reveal who we are, we will stand out as we become uniquely who we are. So often, people tend to pretend to be someone else, or they may be even afraid to tell the truth straight to our faces. Strangely, some may have no qualms about telling the same thing to others behind their backs! Hypocrisy undermines integrity, so do lies.
We all know that most religions or faiths encourage us to be honest with ourselves and with those around us that we might be genuine persons. However, the desire to be real has to be there for otherwise, with the pressure to conform, we might produce conditioned behavior at the expense of honest realization of self.
Basically, we have to be honest with who we are and our desires for life experiences because all other behavior patterns would flow from there. Once our life goals are established, we have to believe in ourselves and then accept our lot in life so to speak. With no direction or intention, some might be living their lives according to the dictates of others rather than for ourselves.
As a former teacher, I always believe that we have to live a life of distinction for three persons: ourselves, our loved ones and also those with whom we come into contact that we might be an inspiration for others. If others are not real, it does not matter. What matters is ourselves!
However, I must confess that I have been disappointed many times. There have been so many occasions when I was sincere and genuine in the way I related to a person only to find that he/she did not have similar intent. In my younger days, I used to feel deep hurt and bitterness. Older and wiser now, I move on and forgive that person. Just because someone was not sincere does not mean I reciprocate with the same. No. I will continue to live the way I believe is the right way but I will keep my distance and yet be assertive enough not to be a victim of that game of hypocrisy that I will not play.
I believe it is very important to be real and honest - as a person, as a parent/child/teacher/friend or whatever role one may have in life. With all the hard knocks in life and many disappointments that have peppered my life, I can tell who is the real person. One can see on the face, hear in the voice, and analyze in the consistency or inconsistency in a person's words and actions. To prevent ourselves from getting hurt, we have to consolidate our position - never retaliate but if needs be - withdraw a few steps and redefine the boundaries of that relationship without falling into the trap of lies or hypocrisy.
No matter how people might treat us, however insincere or hypocritical, we must continue to be real persons to others albeit from a distance ...that we ourselves demonstrate distinction in our inter-personal relationships and hopefully inspire that person to change....then perhaps the world would be a better place if change begins with ourselves.
Have a lovely evening!
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