Have you seen funny signs that bring a smile or two to your face? Well, my dear friend, Freddie, sent me these a few days ago. Some are a real riot and will surely bring a smile or two to your face. He left for a three-week vacation in Europe together with a few other friends. I was invited to join them but the thought of being away from blogosphere is enough to give me a cardiac arrest so here I am, still staring at my laptop whilst the gang is in Amsterdam now for a few days before flying off to Germany and then Austria. My next post will be a socio-political one so stay tuned.Enjoy this selection... Have a nice day, dear reader!
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NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
Hotel bedroom--Japan:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED.
Doctor's surgery--Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Cocktail lounge--Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Hotel--Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
Hotel air conditioner instructions--Japan:
COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Zoo--Hungary:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Restaurant--Nairobi:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
Car rental brochure--Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.
River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
Men's lavatory--Japan:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
Restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
Automatic hand dryer in public lavatory:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
Maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
Cemetery
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES
Restaurant menu--Switzerland:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
Bar--Tokyo:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Temple-- Bangkok:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
Hotel bedroom--Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.
Hotel brochure--Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
Hotel bedroom-- Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel-- Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel lobby-- Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Supermarket-- Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
Hotel-- Moscow (opposite Russian Orthodox monastery):
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
From the Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
Newspaper, East Africa:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Black Forest-- Germany:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel-- Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED
Laundry-- Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Advertisement for donkey rides-- Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Hotel bedroom-- Moscow:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
Tourist agency--Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Dentist's advertisement-- Hong Kong:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
Airline-- Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
Have a nice day, dear reader! Next socio-political post will up later.
The past few days have been filled with much fun and laughter for me. I seriously believe that any weight gain has been due to the amount of air that has been sucked into my stomach because of the many hilarious moments I have shared with my loved ones and friends.
Last Sunday, an old friend participated in the Penang Bridge International Marathon. He had run in many other marathons in UK, Singapore and other parts of the world BUT that was 15 years ago. In his early forties now, he is not as fit as he used to be and like 10kg heavier. Feeling very concerned, my husband, son and I advised him to reconsider his decision to participate in the marathon but he was adamant that his past experiences would help him to sail through as he finished all the other marathons with a respectable time of less than four hours.
On Saturday night, he was with us at the opera and then hung around till past midnight after which he went off for the marathon. Prior to that, he was down with some viral infection and food poisoning. We were all very worried for him and my last words to him as we bid him good luck was something like this - "Please take care. Don't fall asleep and don't fall off the bridge."
While he zoomed off, we all dozed off. The next morning, I did not call him for I thought that he would be sleeping. To my surprise, at about nine-thirty, the doorbell rang. Lo and behold, it was my friend and he looked terrible.
He could hardly walk and hobbled into our sitting room. Being the neat freak that I am and one who loves clean floors more than Pradas or LV bags, I asked him to have a quick shower and to rest. I reckon he took more than five minutes to walk up the stairs and it was a cacophony of moans, groans and lamentations all the way. Following that, we advised him to go back to sleep and to see a doctor the next day. Later in the day, he called us to let us know that he was still alive but while sleeping, his upper torso could move but his lower torso remained as still as a rock!! His armpits and other parts of his body (you can imagine where) were covered with rashes because of the continuous friction of skin against skin when he was running for SIX hours (the time he took for completing the marathon).
I know I did laugh at the way he hobbled around and moaned at groaned but deep within, I was filled with much admiration for his grit and determination to complete the marathon. I cannot imagine running continuously for SIX hours in pain, gripped by the spasms of muscle cramps and dehydration etc. He did not take heed to my advice that this marathon is one of the most difficult ones in Malaysia because of the nature of the course but his tenacity and drive to finish is truly an inspiration to me.
Following that development, I reconsidered my decision to go to Taman Negara for jungle trekking in mid-December because I know I am physically NOT up to it and would be panting from lack of stamina while my friends would have soared ahead. The same thing happened when I went hiking at a hill in Halong Bay, Vietnam. Every one else had gone way ahead and my Vietnamese guide had the cumbersome task of dragging me up every steep slope with me screaming in fear, especially when going downhill!
Last night, I went for a karaoke session with my aunt and my friend's parents after dinner. It has been a very long time since I did any serious singing ever since I started blogging whereas in the 1990's before my younger one came along, it used to be a regular activity with my friends from my aerobics/jazz classes. I had absolutely no idea about what was in store for me!
When we arrived at the club, Auntie Sybil told Uncle Eric to take her folder of vcd discs for her. Oh oh...This is serious business....Her own collection of vcd discs??? Golly!! Auntie Sybil and Uncle Eric are both 70 years old and appeared to take singing very seriously.
Upon arrival at the lounge, there was a lady belting a country and western number with a twang that came close to Dolly Parton's. Shudder!!! I wondered if the others who would croon later that evening were just as good or better.
The next guy who sang called himself Elvis and when he started his number, I had no doubts why he chose that name!!! After his glowing rendition of an Elvis oldie, another gentleman sang an oldie that is so old that I never heard it before!!! :-) The next crooner was Uncle Eric who sang a romatic oldie and forgetful me can remember no more the title of that song!!!
Auntie Sybil took to the stage and I was stunned at her showmanship and vocal quality in the song "NO CHARGE' that moved me to tears. I had featured that song as a poem in my other blog at THIS LINK but had never heard it being sung. Auntie Sybil certainly did the narrative part of the song most skilfully.
When it came to my turn, I sang my usual "Yesterday Once More" without the usual feel as the DJ could not find the cover version of the song. The other singers that evening were simply fabulous!
There was this lovely lady who gave a beautiful and moving version of "COLOURS OF THE WIND" and another lady who sang country and western quite convincingly. Her husband gave his version of "Besame Mucho" and the voice of the night sang "Can you Read My Mind?" so professionally that I was simply stunned. She was 'star' material indeed in terms of vocal quality but far too big for her boots as she walked up to Auntie Sybil and lauded her own singing abilities. I also had the chance to meet a former sixth form classmate who sang "Can you feel the love tonight?"
Feeling very nervous, I messed up in my next number - Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are" because it was one key too low for my voice. Sighs. Never mind. It was all in good fun and for the love of singing.
I left at about 10.30p.m. because I had serious withdrawal symptoms having being away from my laptop for too long! While driving home, I was reminded of one simple lesson - Practice Makes Perfect!
While I had laughed when my friend did not practise for the marathon, I made the same mistake when going for the karaoke session as I did not warm up my voice and did not rehearse the songs that I would normally sing at karaoke sessions. A very precious lesson indeed. It is easier for us to see the faults of others than to see similar weaknesses in ourselves.
Last night was truly a humbling experience. In my younger days, I had won many talentime/vocal competitions, had my own bands, did back-up vocals for other singers, gave vocal presentations, conducted choirs etc BUT that was all in the past and I had NOT been doing any vocal training except for the usual scream that pierces the silence of my house that goes like "Nicholas - can you please blah blah blah....!!!" so loudly that my neighbours' dogs would start barking....:-)
We cannot live on past glories, or rest on our laurels. It is the same when it comes to blogging, singing, running marathons or anything for that matter! Those of you who write to me would be well aware of the fact that I do not think I am a good writer at all but I blog for the sure love of writing and the therapeutic benefits of blogging, apart from making the usual social statements about what is happening in our country....Yet, I write very often (although not as much as I used to as some readers have been telling me not to post so often as they might miss my posts) because of my love for blogging.
So lesson learnt this week - PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT and we must continue to strive for nothing but the best that we can maximize our potential.
Have a great day, dear reader. Do leave a comment to share your experience/views. Thanks!
