About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy .. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.
The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Ah Pek to represent them.
Ah Pek asked for one condition to be added to the debate. 'To make it more interesting', he said, 'neither side would be allowed to talk'.
The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came.
Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Pek pull out an apple. The Pope stood up and said: 'I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay.'
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened?.
The Pope said, First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.
Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do???????
Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Pek. 'What happened?' they asked.
Well, said Ah Pek. First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him f*@# off and not one of us was leaving..
Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here.
Yes, and then???' asked the crowd.
I don't know, said Ah Pek. He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!!!!!
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SERENITY OR SENILITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me.'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman. 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
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Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.'
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty', he replied.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
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THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing!!!
Have a nice day and keep that smile on your face!!!
The next socio-political post will be up later in the afternoon at about 4 or 5p.m. It is still baking in the oven. Please swing by again later. Thanks!
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