Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well.....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing
to them at funerals.
______________________________________________________
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation had gathered and sat in their pews, talking in soft tones.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance and trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was in the presence of God's ultimate enemy.
Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't!" said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," retorted the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perplexed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for forty years!"
_____________________________
Have a nice day!
*Source: theSUN
It's official, folks! In Malaysia, theSUN is now the number one English newspaper in the country. The tabloid reported that in the first six months of 2009, it had an average distribution of 300,557 copies while The Star had 293,112 copies and the New Straits Times recorded 116,411 copies.
The chart above shows that it was only theSUN that succeeded in increasing its average circulation while all English newspapers in Peninsular Malaysia recorded a drop in circulation over the past year. The report was based on audited circulation statistics of newspapers in Malaysia released by the Audit Bureau of Circulations (ABC) last week.
What is interesting is that the circulation recorded a steady increase over the years and it also beat ALL papers - including Malay and Chinese papers - in Malaysia's richest region, Selangor/Wilayah with a total of 224,440 copies.
ALL the other English newspapers in Peninsular Malaysia showed a drop in circulation. The hardest hit was New Straits Times was , falling to 116,411 copies for the period Jan 1 to June 30, 2009 while Business weekly The Edge fell to 22,974 copies. The Star fell marginally to 293,112 copies for the same period.
Tan Sio Chian, Media Specialist Association council member, who presented the report, attributed the decline to numerous factors, including the economic downturn and competition from other media.
I beg to differ. The facts attest to the fact that Malaysians are a discerning lot. If a newspaper presents distorted news and loses objectivity in the way it supports the status quo, it will surely lose its readership. This is the price they have paid!
Despite working within constraints, theSUN pushes boundaries in trying to do a good job - the best that they can. theSun WILL continue to shine with objective and investigative reporting by Citizen Nades, Terence Fernandez, Tan Siok Choo etc. while the others write away to their sunset!!!
For those of you who love to read newspapers, pay 30 cents to have theSUN delivered to your door because this is the ONLY English newspaper worth reading!!! PERIOD!!
