masterwordsmith-unplugged

"Get out of my bathroom!!! You'll knock my bathroom scales. I may see a higher reading the next time I step on it," bellowed Gloria at Harold, her timid husband, who was busy tidying up the laundry basket.



"And when you are done,go eat your lunch which is on the table! I was not happy with what you had prepared for breakfast so lunch is my revenge! You know very well I always voice my dissatisfaction and will not let go of such a big mistake as meals are so important to us, especially me!"

Panting from all that shouting, Gloria shuffled out of the bathroom. It seemed as though her weight was too much for knees to bear. In her clumsiness, she knocked her hip against the door-frame.

"OOOooouuuuccchhh! Call Will the contractor to get me a new door! How many times must I remind you?" she barked at poor Harold who was busy picking up her huge colorful 'smalls' scattered on the bathroom floor."See - it is all your fault if he does not come immediately. You are too laid back! You know you have to scream at the working class to get them to move their butt but you persist in being reserved so nobody takes you seriously! "

Harry sighed wearily and counted 1,2,3,.......10. He tried to stay calm lest the volcano exploded...But to no avail - not after the years of being henpecked!!!!



He took a deep breath, stamped his feet on the ground, and said affirmatively, "Enough is enough! Do you want me to explode before you can stop?

Gloria shuddered in fear, moving a step back.

"What's your problem, Harold? Trying to fight back? I am your wife - your closest friend. If there is anything you are not happy about, talk it over with me. There is no reason to stamp your feet like a spoiled brat that you are!!!" shouted Gloria with her arms akimbo.

"For years, I have tolerated your nonsense. When you wanted to go for your liposuction, I sold my golf club membership for you. When you wanted to have a face lift, I sold my Rolex watch for you and was it worth it? Gosh! Look at your face and the botched surgery! My goodness! Why do you think I am so thin? I don't have any appetite for ANYTHING after looking at your face! And you have the cheek to ask me to go to the gym???You should be the one going to the gym and swimming at the pool, not me! Take a look at the tractor tyres around your body!!!" hollered Harold at his obese wife.



"Get real, woman! Do you think a marital relationship is all about making you happy with your shopping trips or cosmetic surgeries? Is it all about watching your stupid soap operas or sharing meals with you? Have you ever thought of MY needs? Remember Maslow's hierarchy of Needs?


Gloria was stunned. This was the first time Harold actually raised his voice at her. Had he lost his marbles????

"Listen up you WOE-to-MAN"! Stop being a hypocrite by telling those ladies from your Knitting Club that all is well with us because it is not. The sooner you realize it, the better. And now if you'll excuse me, I have a sweet-young-thing waiting in her car and I'm out of here. Go wash your gigantic undies yourself!" said Harold agitatedly.

With that, he stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. The growl of a car engine was heard followed by screeching tyres. Gloria looked out and saw Harold with his arms around a beautiful woman.

Her enraged face never looked uglier as she contorted it in fury. It was all over - the pseudo-world of marital bliss she had created was nothing but a farce and now, she would be the laughing stock of her Knitting Club. She took a deep breath and walked to the kitchen, closed all the windows and turned on the gas.

"He will pay for this," she muttered and then cackled like a deranged witch that she was.....
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* APOLOGIES FOR THE LATE PUBLICATION OF COMMENTS AND FOR MY LATE RESPONSE. MY NEIGHBOURHOOD HAD ITS 14th POWER OUTAGE SINCE LAST SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAD FOUR POWER FAILURES TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

The above story is a figment of my fertile imagination. Any resemblance to any human being/s or situation past, present or future is purely coincidental. So whose fault was it that this tragedy happened? Could the tragedy have been avoided? Do leave comment if you wish. I would love to hear your views or your version of the ending! Thanks. Have a lovely evening.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" is one of the oldest and most famous riddles still in use in the English language. When asked at the end of a series of other riddles, whose answers are clever, obscure, and tricky,the obviousness and straight-forwardness of the answer becomes part of the humor.

There are many riddles that assume a familiarity with this well-known riddle and its answer. One class of variations enlists a creature other than the chicken to cross the road. For example, a turkey or duck crosses "because it was the chicken's day off." Another variant: "Why did the dinosaur cross the road?" "Because chickens weren't invented yet." Or: "Why did the duck cross the road?" "To prove he's not a chicken".

Punning variations include "Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?" to which the answer is "Because he had no guts," or "He had no body to cross with him." "Why did the chicken cross the road halfway? To 'lay it on the line'."

Here's a list of what some famous people could have said about the riddle.

Do leave a comment if you wish your share your thoughts. Next post is a satirical tale called "HAROLD THE HENPECKED HUSBAND".



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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Alone.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Schrodinger: Chicken? Chicken!? Where's my cat?

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Frank Perdue: I breed the finest chicken I know how, and it crosses the road as part of a vigorous fitness program to raise the leanest, plumpest birds anywhere. And I was chasing it with this axe.

Ronald Reagan: I don't recall.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: Historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Samuel Johnson: (kicks the chicken).

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Have a great day.

My friend, Freddie, sent me the following post which is really very funny. Initially, I tried to be too smart and read these with a Mandarin accent but it did not sound right or funny! Then I read it as English words with a Mandarin twang haha...Try it and have a good laugh. My favorite ones are marked with *. How about yours?
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Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese

That's not right! Sum Ting Wong

Are you harbouring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP! Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man Dum Fuk

Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach? *Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table! *Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift! *Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here! Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet! Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone! No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week! Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight. Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka

Your body odour is offensive. *Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great *Fa Kin Su Pa

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Any comments or addendum? :-) Have a lovely weekend, dear reader!!!