masterwordsmith-unplugged

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.

But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Advice for the day:
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
Take two and keep away from the children.


-Author Unknown-

The following is one of those email forwarded messages that make its round in cyberspace. I tried to confirm if this is true but cannot seem to find any site that can verify this tale. So, I am posting it as a fictional piece that has precious lessons of perseverance for us although there could be certain ethical issues in terms of telling the truth. Take care and have a lovely evening!

____________________

Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates organised an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Sompala Pathirana a Sinhalese living in USA.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA programming to leave. 2000 people left the room. Soma says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try’ Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room..

Soma says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room.

Soma says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?’ So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo – Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Soma says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo – Croat but what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two
candidates who have all the required qualifications & experience I am looking for and
speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together
in that language.’

and……

Calmly, Soma turns to the other candidate and says in Sinhalese ` Kohomada Machang? (translate: “How Are you buddy?”)

The other candidate answers in Sinhalese ‘ Ammata Hudu……….umbath Lankavenda?? (“my God, are you also from Sri Lanka?”)

-Author Unknown-

RALPHY ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

RALPHY says 'Ma*-tu*-*ate..'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'

Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl**job.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully..'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.


-Author Unknown-

Thanks to Freddie who sent me this list. Have a nice day everyone. No offense meant! Posted this for laughs!