Once upon a time ..a small boy named Hameed living in a tiny primitive Moroccan village was very moronic and all his classmates hated him for his stupidity, especially his teacher Aisha who was always yelling on him"you are driving me crazy Hameed" ..
One day, his mother went to check out his progress and the teacher Aisha told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...
The mother could not accept such a feed back and not only did she take her son out from that school, but she even shifted to another city ...
25 years later, that teacher got an incurable cardio disease and all the doctors had strongly advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform effectively, left with no other choices she did the surgery and was successful ...
When she opened her eyes ,she saw a handsome doctor smiling to her, being under anesthetic effect, she would loved to thank him but could not talk ,at his turn,he was staring at her face which started turning blue, she was raising her hand trying to tell him something but in vain and eventually died...
The doctor was shocked and could hardly understand what just happened till he turned back and saw our friend Hameed working as a cleaner in that clinic who unplugged the oxygen device to connect his Vaccum......
Don't tell me you were thinking that Hameed became a doctor....!
Anyway, I hope, at the rate our education standards are sliding gravitationally, this will never happen in Malaysia.
Posted with thanks to Dr. MCWL.
While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old rancher said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post Turtle."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with.
Whilst many have taken umbrage at one yukky satire, here's a very refreshing one by 'Uncomfortably Numb'..possibly someone I know...here goes...a classy, witty and absolutely first class political satire. Well done!
KajangGate: The real, I mean it, the REAL reasons. Yes, it’s true. I swear.
– by Uncomfortably Numb
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jaba Sadist and welcome to the exclusive interview by The Malaysian InsideUs with a PKR insider on the issue of the moment, KajangGate. Encik Insider, thank you for agreeing to this interview and welcome to The Malaysian InsideUs.
Yes yes, tenkiu tenkiu. I, in fact, should thank you for interviewing me. Because we really need to justify, eh... I mean, explain this issue to all of you peasants, eh... I mean beloved voters.
We need to explain so that there will be no misunderstanding. We love transparency you know. You know, transparent like that.... like see through like that... so we need to go on the ground to explain this stuff you know.
I mean by going to the ground I don't mean to say we need to kiss your feet lah... but you know la what I mean Jaba kan? We need to explain. Yes. Yes.
So, can you explain KajangGate please? Like transparent like that, okay?
Okay. You know Jaba, as the Chief Strategist of PKR, I have strategically put myself in all the strategic areas so that I could strategically strategise our strategies.
I have sent people everywhere, like spies like that you know. Then I found out that Prime Minister Najib might be removed by some dark forces, you know these dark forces arr... very not transparent one... very dark like that you know.
Who are these dark forces? Darth Vader?
Yes, yes, Darth Vader and his progenies, Darth Maul, Darth Sidius, Count Dooku like that.
These sure the Sith Lords who are going to defeat Prime Minister Najib and throw him out from the Presidency of Umno.
These Sith Lords are planning planning like that you know... and my spies told me this is going to happen very soon.
So?
Aaah... this is where people like you, Art Harun and all the peasants, eh... I mean the voters, don't know.
You all don't know because you all are not Jedis like us you know. You all are... err... for the lack of a better word... sorry eh... nothing personal... but for the lack of a better word, stupid and ignorant non-politicians.
You see, if the Prime Minister is thrown out and replaced....
Err...who do you think will replace him?
My guys have strategically told me that Dr M (Dr Mahathir) will be prime minister and Zainuddin Maidin will be deputy prime minister.
But they are not even MPs.
Aaah... you see, this is where you do not see Jaba. They will declare an emergency lah.
Then Dr M will become PM and Zai will become DPM. They will declare emergency in Selangor too.
And Pakatan rakyat will never ever get to be in Putrajaya if that happened. I mean, the whole galaxy will be ruled by the dark forces. You understand?
They will declare emergency like they did in Kelantan before lah. And the worse thing is this you know I heard... when they wrest control arr... they are going to send Zul Nordin to hug all the Indians on the street every day man... I mean, how lar like that... we need to save Selangor from this la bro.
But Pakatan is firmly in control in Selangor. Kelantan was different. There was a Constitutional crisis. And nobody seemed to have a firm majority. So the government of the day declared emergency and put Kelantan under Mageran. Selangor however, is firmly and definitely under Pakatan.
This is why I said you all don't know because you all are not Jedis like us, politicians, especially PKR politicians. You have to trust me when I say I know because I know. You know?
So, assuming you are right, how would KajangGate impact on this thingy you were telling me about?
You see, we need Anwar Ibrahim to be in Selangor, as an Exco member only ya, not as MB, just an Exco member. He can then prevent all these things from happening.
So, you are putting Anwar in Selangor Exco in order to save prime minister Najib from being unseated from Umno presidency and save his job as the prime minister? Is that what you are saying?
Yes. Anwar will save the prime minister from being sacked. And by doing that, Anwar will save Selangor and the whole Malaysia from being under an emergency.
Now, you mean to say that Selangor and the whole Malaysia will only be saved if Najib continues to be the prime minister?
Yes.
Now that's ironic, no?
You see, that's why I say you don't know jack shyte about politics, Jaba. That's why you are at The Malaysian InsideUs and not with us in the Parliament.
Okay, okay... assuming you are right... how would Anwar, being an Exco member of Selangor state government, prevent what you said will happen from ever happening.
Eh, that one secret la bro.
Eh, what happen to transparency, like see through like that?
Ya lah. Transparent also got place we cannot be so transparent lah. Like all transparent how to walk in public la. Nanti semua nampak, apa hal bro?
But really, how is he going to do that?
Okay lah... you know DSAI la Jaba, he can prevent things from happening just by being there you know. I mean, I have seen him making things happen just by being there.
CLICK HERE for the rest of the post.
It has been more than a year since i posted anything on Malaysian politics. This fantastic piece merits an exception to my abstinence...
Don't forget to check out the comments in TMI.
Recently, Mr TSK shared the following post which (according to the email) was written by Datuk Dr Agoes Salim. Thanks, Mr. TSK!
I googled to find out more about this brilliant mind and discovered that many sites said that he is an an economist and first secretary-general of the National Unity Ministry. He is also former chairman of Bank Pertanian. He was on the public service secretariat of the National Operations Council following the riots and helped draw up both the Rukun Negara and the NEP.
This post was also hosted by FMT here.
Here goes.....
The objective of SPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the exams of the Sijil Peperiksaan Malaysia (SPM)
Are students getting smarter? Or are SPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective.
During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
"In what year did Parameswara find the kingdom of Melaka?"
The correct answer was "1402" , and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly.. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people.
I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer."
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?"
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False".
Fully 50% passed.
The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us.
We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their headsand then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402".
Yeah!!!!.... 60% managed to pass! So krever!
But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented.
So last year, they came out with this gem:
"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka.
Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"
13% (smart students) handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", 10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken" and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak".
The correct answer was anything concerning "Food" of course!
After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed.
87%!!!!!............ now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true. So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter.
Well done!
Perhaps, this is why we have a host of students withan impressive string of 'As' who can hardly construct a decent sentence!
Neow mind, our super-duper gomen can find a job for us one.
Duh…
Another post by the same writer can be read AT THIS LINK.
Most popular works of art have some sort of message.
Star Wars teaches us to fight the evil in ourselves in order to fight the evil outside ourselves.
The Godfather warns us against the corrupting powers of greed; and Prometheus promotes the practice of running sideways if a tall object is falling on you.
Unfortunately, sometimes the message gets lost and fans misinterpret the movie or book so badly that they end up becoming the exact same things the authors were warning them about, with hilarious and/or tragic results.
CLICK HERE to read all about it.
Worse than SARS and Bird Flu combined, The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.
The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."
Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years.
Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:
- anti-social personality disorders
- delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones
- extreme cognitive dissonance
- inability to incorporate new information
- pronounced xenophobia and paranoia
- inability to accept responsibility for own actions
- cowardice masked by misplaced bravado
- uncontrolled facial smirking
- ignorance of geography and history
- tendencies towards evangelical theocracy
- categorical all-or-nothing behavior
Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.
__________________________________
Difference Between Republicans and Democrats
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats
A Liberal and a Genie
A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?"
The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune."
The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share."
The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?"
"I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?"
"I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."
Republicans in Hell
While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."
He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
