masterwordsmith-unplugged

Hi there dear reader/blogger/friend/realtive!

It is a lovely Sunday afternoon and before I buzz off to read my Lionel Shriver's "The Post-Birthday World" which incidentally is a pale comparison to her "We need to Talk about Kevin" that won the Orange Book prize, please allow me to share with you this test which might just help you to see if you are ok *wink*.

1. What is the best description of your bookshelf right now?
a.) Three bottles of Gin and a half-eaten bowl of popcorn
b.) How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, the Twilight series
c.) A Nobel Peace Prize

2. How do you pamper yourself?
a.) Allowing yourself to cry when the lights are out and no one's home :-)
b.) Reading your favorite self-help books on productivity instead of working on your life dreams
c.) Fasting for only two weeks instead of the usual five :-)

3. If your best friend seems upset with you, and you are clueless as to how or why, what would you do?
a.) Friend?
b.) Poke her on Facebook. When she doesn't respond to that, post a gift on her wall
c.) Use this incident as a case study for your upcoming book on resolving conflicts with passive-aggressive people

4.) Which of the following best describes your exercise routine?
a.) Eye twitches
b.) Texting on your mobile phone or playing FB Pet Society
c.) Building orphanages

5.) What are your thoughts on Nadya Suleman, the mother who just gave birth to eight octuplets?
a.) You were an unloved only child, too--so you empathize
b.) You threaten to send your kids to her new mansion if they don't start behaving RIGHT THIS MINUTE
c.) You've been away on a year-long silent retreat and you have no idea what I am talking about

6.) What do you do when you don't get along with a colleague?
a.) Get a new identity in a different state. You hate confrontation
b.) Get a new job title in a different department. You hate confrontation
c.) Reincarnate into a more loving, more empathetic being. You have clearly failed in this present life

7.) How often do you recycle?
a.) Every other significant other
b.) In secrecy, so your eco-friendly neighbors won't see that you still use plastic water bottles
c.) On your New Earth, all ego-deprived matter have transcended into One Universal Presence

And now, ladies and gentlemen - the MOMENT OF TRUTH!!!

Mostly A's: More than Wellness; YOU ARE IN NEED OF LLC!!! (Love, Light and Chocolate!)

First things first: treat yourself to a chocolate fondue at Haagen Daaz (Take note dear hubby!!!) Once you're done with that, hire someone with a soft, soothing voice to read to you Brian Vaszily's post "A Short Note For Those Feeling Sad About Anything ", followed by a multiple video viewing of a cute hamster eating organic vegetables . Hmm I can imagine my darling hamster Mishy doing just that!

Repeat for the next 30 days. You may notice that your steps will become lighter or heavier depending on how your body responds to the chocolate fondue and your eyes will sparkle with intention to go on a diet :-) (and please don't blame me!!!) but best of all, your pillow will stop smelling like Vodka-soaked tears of despair.

Mostly B's: Hey, you're doing fine but a bit of humor will keep even the smallest iota of ennui Away

You may not yet be an owner of your own yoga studio or social movement, but you smile at cute Starbucks baristas or lovely ladies and you sometimes remember to exercise. There is always room for growth but that shouldn't stop you from loving all your character flaws like a charismatically neurotic Woody Allen character or many other unforgettable characters. The bottom line is, have fun, have more fun, have even more satisfying fun! There is no point in pursuing wellness if it makes you a humorless prick. Just kidding, OK? A bit of summertime madness on a Sunday afternoon is good for the soul :-).

Mostly C's: :-) Now what shall we do with you???

Greetings, Divine Presence! We have been anxiously awaiting your arrival for many centuries. Please tell us the solution to global warming , terrorism , and passive-aggressive people. We will do anything you ask of us, except for maybe to completely give up mindless eating . That package of low-calorie,microwavable popcorn from Trader Joe's isn't just going to magically eat itself, you know what I'm saying? :-)
* I wish Maybs would come back soon and bring me Trader Joe's stuff or a month's supply of Reese or Hershey's or for anyone to get me Lindt and Sprungli's Chocolate Truffles...Geee I am just hankering for CHOCS CHOCS CHOCS and it is driving me mad!!! Anyway, have a good day dear reader...pardon my Sunday afternoon madness....:-)