masterwordsmith-unplugged

I have to confess that I hate the sun and that I usually get sick after being in the sun for a short spell. A real puteri lilin that's who I am( puteri lilin = tidak tahan terkena panas matahari or when translated means someone who cannot stand being in the sun).

In school, I hated physical education classes that were held in the school field and participated in badminton (ahem I was house captain for many years but alas, those were the days), basketball and volleyball. The only field sports I ever played was hockey and needless to say, I was the goalkeeper. In secondary school days, I was famous because I fainted at many sports events

Last Sunday was no exception.In my post called OH WHAT A DAY! I explained why and when I had to walk under the blistering scorching sun. From that afternoon, I started to feel horrible and by Monday afternoon, I really felt sick. When I woke up in the middle of the night at about 3 a.m. to do my blogging (yes, I write many posts at that unearthly hour because I find the stillness of the night most inspiring), I discovered that there was no sound when I cleared my throat.

OK. I thought it was part of a dream. I tried again and again.

This time I said "Testing 1 2 3. Testing 1 2 3".

Horror of horrors!!! I had lost my voice. And I felt so awful. Since my better half could not wake up no matter how much I tickled him, I drove myself to the nearest 24 hour clinic and while the young doctor (OK..reasonably good looking @ 30 years of age) checked my throat etc. When it came to prescription time, I shocked him with my request for Augmentin after which we had some discussion about Augmentin vs Amoxillin and finally he decided to put me on 5 days of Amoxillin 500mg x 3 times daily apart from other medication. I drove back, had some snacks and then took my medication.

Well, the past two days have been horrible and it was almost prophetic that Dr. Saravanan called me Paul instead of Paula in one of his comments ;).

1. It is very frustrating to lose the ability to communicate orally.

I could not produce any sound at all no matter how hard I tried. This went on until I realized that I could say a few words if I programmed myself to speak at a low pitch and to clear my throat in between.

* My son is very happy because the house has been very quiet as sergeant-major has not been able to do spot checks in the study to see if he is working diligently. And why? I have been knocked out with all the medication that doc prescribed. After all, I was following his advice to get plenty of rest.

* Hubby was also in delirium because I did not pester him with the usual requests.

If I tried hard enough, I could say a few words that had to be punctuated with more throat clearing. Even throat clearing was an ordeal because I could feel how my whole chest and upper respiratory tract were congested, clogged up and the air could not be expelled no matter how hard I tried.

2. Answering phone calls became an ordeal rather than a pleasure.

A man from some pots and pans company called up yesterday morning and asked to speak to the lady of the house. I asked him why and after he gave his explanation about some cooking demonstration. Since he called me Uncle, I told him in a very cool voice that she does not live here any more. He persisted to get her new address for me and I told him quite firmly, "I do not know" and then he hung up after a disappointed "Oh. Thank you. Goodbye."

When others called up, I had a tough time convincing them that I am Paula :(. If you want to know how Paul sounds like, give me a call and have a good laugh!!!

3. The reaction of other people can be simultaneously comical and frustrating.

Others started to whisper to me because I spoke to them in a whisper and that was so frustrating. When I asked them why they were whispering, they said it was because I was whispering after which I said there was no need for them to do the same as they were in fine health.

Honestly, it is quite difficult for me to do my work and you can imagine how frustrating it has been for me. A simple routine like bathing has become an ordeal because I am a die-hard bathroom singer.

4. Even my hamster did not respond to my masculine voice.

Every morning after checking my blog, I will play with my hamster and give him his yoghurt treats for breakfast. When I approach the cage, he will be fast asleep or just tumbling around in the wood shavings. Then I will call him "Mishy Mishy" in my usual pitch and style. This morning, I called him in my gruff voice and he continued in slumber land. After a few attempts, I had to make lots of cling clang sound before he finally awakened and moved towards me. When I called him, he looked at me suspiciously and when he caught my scent and knew it was me, things were back to normal.

Today, I feel much better. I still sound like a man but perhaps one in his 50s. I can say about six words before I need to clear my throat again. The last time I was so ill was in November 2006. I have not been sick for 8 months and I do not like to be ill at all because it is so debilitating.

During this time of silence, I learnt a few lessons.

1. I empathized with a friend - Daniel, who has lost his ability to speak after his throat surgery. He did share with me the frustration he went through in not being able to communicate and this bout of laryngitis has helped me to feel his frustration. I cannot imagine not being able to sing or to laugh and my heart goes out to Daniel and all those who are unable to communicate orally for one reason or another.

2. I thought of mute rape victims and the horror they must have felt when being physically violated and yet being unable to cry out for help or in fear, anguish or frustration and then being unable to cry or to express their feelings and outrage.

3. A little closer to home, I thought about each one of us. What will happen if we were really muzzled one day? What will happen to us if we were to completely lose our freedom of speech? How would we feel?

It is easy for us to take a blase approach when we read about how six new media organizations were denied media accreditation which meant that they were denied access to a certain meeting.
And why so? Simple. It does not affect us. But think a little deeper and a little harder.

If deprived of our voice to communicate our concerns, what will happen to us? Would we be reduced to puppets on a string? Would we slowly lose touch with ourselves if we were to take on the psyche/perspective that others would prefer us to have in our effort to conform largely due to embedded fears? Some might be like me - making subtle statements of lighthearted innuendos or by using analogies and/or metaphors or veiled statements. But how would we feel deep inside? I often ask myself that question. Would I be living in denial by not taking the bull by its horns and telling it like it is? At this point of time, I would not want to take risks and to suffer whatever consequences so much as I hate it, I have to be responsible and to use my voice carefully, subtly and yet effectively. There could be some who might mock at my stand but it is fine with me for each of us is entitled to our own views.

I admire those who use their voice loudly and am always amazed at their courage and perspective. These will remain an inspiration to me.

In life, we meet all kinds of singers and speakers and we have to be realistic to acknowledge that in any part of the world, there are hypocrites regardless of age, gender, class or creed. Some, including leaders, would have no qualms about betraying others in their pursuit of wealth or to move up the corporate/social ladder to achieve fame in the game of life. And then we ask ourselves if they have a conscience. But more importantly, who will suffer?

I smile at myself while typing this blog. I feel like a phlegm machine because I have to expel my phlegm at 2 SPM = two spits per minute and clear my throat many times throughout the day. Fact is, all the phlegm has to be completely expelled for my voice to come through loudly and clearly. In the same manner, a lot of baggage has to be cleared before we can truly enjoy what is rightfully ours where expression is concerned. To do that, we have to come out of our state of denial and wake up to the flaws in the system.

Perhaps some of us may feel that we have lost the ability to shape our future and our security is being compromised in different ways. Some of us may feel that we need to maintain our dignity and to have some influence over our terms of existence, present and future. And we gripe, mumble, murmur and even that right to do just that is being taken away from us. So what do we do? Honestly, I have no idea. The that I can do is to make the best of what I have, to have hope that surely good will triumph over evil one day regardless of how remote that possibility.

I am not sure how many readers would have finished reading this lengthy post but I am sure you know why I wrote it this way.

Please leave a comment to share your views. Thanks.

Have a nice day!