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Ever wonder how some people seem born with an inner confidence? Don't worry, experts say it can be cultivated

IT IS IDENTIFIED as the ultimate key to happiness, the door to success, the path to healthy relationships, the essential component of personal fulfillment, and the ingredient for eliminating toxic ones. What is this very important 'it' ? 'It ' is self-esteem. According to the National Council for Self-esteem in Sacramento, California, self-esteem is 'the feeling that you are worthy of happiness and capable of managing life's challenges.' For many, self-esteem is an elusive ingredient, Yet psychologists universally agree that it can be cultivated by anyone. Here are eight steps to greater self-esteem.


1) TAKE A PERSONAL INVENTORY

When Philadelphia psychiatrist and author, Donald L Nathanson counsels patients struggling with low self-esteem, he urges them to make an exhaustive list of their positives, large and small. Are you a hard worker? Are you a loyal friend? Can you operate a VCR?

Nathanson advises patients to consult the list as soon as something goes wrong- a missed promotion, a lost love, or any other emotional setback. '"That way you an isolate the event," he explains. "You can see it as a specific experience, not something that defines your whole life."

2) THINK OPTIMISTICALLY

Optimistic thinking is a sure-fire way of creating an upward cycle, moving from one success to another. Consider 14 year-old swimmer, Shane Gould. When a reporter at a swim meet in the United States asked her how she thought she would do, Shane replied: " I have a feeling there will be a world record set today." She went on to set two world records in the 100m and 200m freestyle events.

Later Gould was asked how she thought she would fare in the more gruelling 400m event. Smiling, Shane replied: " I get stronger with every race, and besides, my parents promised that they'd take me to Disneyland if I win, and we're leaving tomorrow!" She left for Disneyland with three world records.

3) MEET A CHALLENGE AND CONQUER IT

In 1970. former Olympic skier, Jimmie Heugahe was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). At the time, the standard medical wisdom was the MS patients should live non-physical lives. Huega reluctantly accepted the prescription of a quiet life. But after four inactive years, he felt worse. Fearing further physical and mental deterioration, Huega devised his own treatment plan, " one in which I, not the disease. took charge," he says. Huega began cycling and swimming. Within as few months he felt healthier than he had been in four years. Subsequent studies confirmed what Huega experienced: Rather than speeding up deterioration, exercise can strengthen and energise MS patients, physically and emotionally.

4) SET HIGHER GOALS

Give yourself the benefit of any doubt by telling yourself you can achieve more. "Strive to a higher position in life." says minister Robert H. Schuller in his book Self-love. "Why not ? You'll prove that you've got more on the ball than you thought... Through honest hard work and sincere dedication, you can rise higher on the social or economic scale than you are now."

5) LEARN SOMETHING NEW

The least fulfilled people are those who are not growing. Learning something new builds confidence because it forces you to push the boundaries, expanding the mind an spirit. "It's a mistake to think that once you're done with school you need never learn anything new," declares actress Sophia Loren.

"So if you find that you need glasses, get a little pain in your knee, notice a few brown spots on your hands, don't despair. There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love."

6) EXERCISE REGULARLY

Consistent moderate exercise not only controls weight, it strengthens the heart, lowers cholesterol, reduces stress and improves circulation. It also lifts the spirit considerably. Select a physical activity that you enjoy such as walking, jogging, cycling or swimming. Then do it faithfully at least three times a week.

7) DEMONSTRATE GOODWILL

Work to make the world around you a kinder place. You will feel good while improving the quality of life of other. "These days, we tend to forget acts of kindness toward others," observes Bruce A Baldwin, a psychologist from North Carolina. "Offer your seat on a bus to an elderly person, or wave another car through when you have the right of way. You'll feel an inner glow knowing that your small act has made a difference."

8) ACT HAPPY

The saying, "Fake it until you make it" has a great truth. A key step to greater self-esteem is simply to adopt the stance of being a confident person who is totally comfortable in life. Like an actor, you can grow into a role. This is advice offered by Wayne W. Dyer in his book Real Magic: Creating Miracles in Everyday Life.

"Act the part that you want to play. Go right out and without ever telling anyone else that you're really a quaking, shivering mass of jelly inside, just act confidently in a given situation where no one knows you. In that present moment of your life, you are the new, miraculous, self-confident person,"