David Zinn, a wise man I know, once said, "If we don't change, we aren't growing, and if we aren't growing, we are dying." Isn't that so true? Some change is welcomed into your life: a new hairstyle, a promotion you've been wanting, or a remodeled kitchen. Sometimes change is handed to you without your consent...a layoff, a divorce, or even the death of a loved one. And there's always self-created change that you still resist...losing weight, expressing your feelings appropriately or pursuing your dream job. The world and everything in it is constantly changing.
So many of us focus on changing other people around us, even though we know deep down this doesn't work. Or we stay stuck in a rut, complaining about how miserable life is to us. In fact, there is so much resistance to change that a book was written called Why Should I Be the First to Change? There are many answers to this question. First, you will be happier if you are continually growing and learning. Second, you are the only person that is responsible for changing you. Third, you're wasting your valuable time and energy waiting for others to change. When you change, people will follow. Lastly, by living your life to the fullest, you contribute to making the world a better place to live for yourself and others.
Then why is change so hard? And how can you learn to face change head on and embrace it wholeheartedly? Let's examine five key reasons we resist change and explore five new ways to learn to embrace change. By choosing to modify our perspective or outlook on change, change can become our friend and not our enemy.
Fear vs. Courage
One of the main reasons we resist change is fear. Sometimes it can be scary to change. The list of fears is endless: fear of failure or success, fear of being alone, fear of making mistakes, fear of rejection and certainly, fear of the unknown. It is normal to feel fear, but yet it is so crippling. Having courage does not mean we don't feel fear. It means we push through the fear and do it anyway. Ask any public speaker, extreme sports enthusiast or successful business entrepreneur. You have to take risks if you want to grow and feel fulfilled in life.
Jennifer was a single mom of two children who, for years, was a hair stylist. Reaching a point in her life when she wanted to make a career change, she had to make some difficult phone calls. Many of her clients had come to rely on her, but she didn't want to do their hair anymore. Jennifer was terrified of calling her clients to let them know she was changing careers. She imagined them being angry with her, or worse, not wanting to let her go. She felt trapped in her career because her time was being monopolized by hair clients. As one of her assignments, I asked Jennifer to clear her weekend by canceling all her hair appointments. She was to let each of her clients know that she was no longer going to be able to do their hair because she was moving on to something else. This seemingly simple task was not carried out because Jennifer was paralyzed by fear. So we made the phone calls together. After hanging up from her last client, I asked her how she felt. She was so relieved, but yet surprised that her clients did not react at all the way she had imagined they would. The fear Jennifer was experiencing was all in her mind.
When faced with fear, take baby steps. Oftentimes, we discover the change was not as difficult as we had imagined it to be. Each time we confront our apprehension and act courageously, we gain more power over our fear.
Status Quo vs. Opportunities
When I asked Becky what stopped her from leaving a miserable marriage, she told me it was comfortable. The marriage itself was not comfortable, but the life she lived was familiar, bringing her a sense of security. Let's face it. Humans are creatures of habit. Some people float through life behaving in the same way every day. Change never even occurs to them. The same argument occurs over and over, and their reactions are never any different. Or they stay in the same unsatisfying job year after year and become best friends with depression.
What about the opportunities that are being missed? There is a lot for people to experience in this world if they only open their eyes to change. Maybe a healthier friend or a dream career awaits them. Whenever my clients tell me how things are going to be, I always ask them "what if" you are wrong and "this" happens instead. It's important to explore what could be gained from change. Perhaps you don't see the golden opportunity ahead of you, but at the very least, by resisting change, you are missing the opportunity to learn what life has to teach. I am a firm believer that when you close the door, a new and better door opens.
Negative Thinking vs. Positive Thinking
Imagine your best friend invites you to join her for the local writer's club meeting. She knows you secretly wish you could write a book. You reply, "I can't go to a writer's club. I don't write well enough for that. People will judge me because I'm not a writer." She tries again the next three months, only to listen to your endless self-defeating remarks. Eventually she stops asking and so you never try your hand at writing. You never write a book and this just proves that you are not a writer. The self-fulfilling prophecy was manifested – you created exactly what you thought.
Let's roll the tape back. What if your response was, "I would love to go. I've always wanted to try and write. This will be a great experience for me." You and your friend go every month and at the end of the year, you publish your first book. Your brain will agree with anything you tell it. If you feed your brain negative thoughts, you will create negativity. Giving your brain affirmative food for thought will create the positive change you desire. A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner. "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most."
Doing It Alone vs. Getting Support
Some change is so challenging or overwhelming that even the thought of trying is debilitating. When I think of parents who lose a child or the woman who needs to lose 150 pounds, my heart goes out to them. One can only imagine the monumental adjustment that lies ahead. Even smaller changes, like transitioning through a divorce or a job loss, can be difficult when you feel you are alone through the process.
Change requires supportive people. You need people who believe in you and who will encourage you on your journey. Sometimes you need someone to hold you accountable for what you say you're going to do. You need friends and family members who won't let you give up. You need love and understanding when you are struggling. Surround yourself with loving and helpful people, and call on a Source greater than yourself. Some changes are so difficult, but all things are possible with Divine intervention.
Control vs. Letting Go
It is human nature to control – our emotions, other people, our money, our life. However, much of change, which occurs in life, is uncontrollable. Our world is changing at an extremely fast pace, leaving us spinning our wheels as we attempt to adapt. Whether it's a natural disaster like Hurricane Katrina, a giant merger, or skyrocketing gas prices, it's all happening to us. Stress and resistance is the natural reaction to change.
If we can learn to let go and accept what we cannot control, life is smoother and change can be embraced. We don't know what greater plan is at work. When I first started my business, I worked extremely hard to control my success. As my fear of failure escalated, I fought harder and a vicious cycle began. Just when I had decided to give up (for the day or week), a tiny door opened. It didn't take long for me to figure out that I am not in charge here. God had a different plan for me and my timing was certainly not His. When I learned to let go and put my faith in God, opportunities for change and growth came out of nowhere. He blessed me in ways I would never have imagined.
One thing is certain. Change stops for no one. We can choose to resist and make life much harder, or we can face and embrace change, resulting in a life that cultivates and strengthens our character.
TAKE ACTION ASSIGNMENT:
What change are you resisting in your life right now? What are your fears around this change? Name 5 benefits of making this change. What negative thoughts need to be eliminated to support this change? And who can support you through this change? Take two baby steps this week to embrace this change.
"The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live." –Flora Whittemore
-written by Lori Radun-
Author's Bio
Lori Radun, CEC, AELC is a certified life coach, inspirational speaker and author of The Momnificent! Life ~ Healthy and Balanced Living for Busy Moms. As a motherhood guru committed to helping moms live magnificent lives, see why moms are visiting www.momnificent.com for the free Momnificent! newsletter, a library of expert advice, and continuously updated blog of mom-worthy news and developments.
2 comments to FACE AND EMBRACE CHANGE
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Unknown Hi NetBizSavvy,
Very well put! Thanks so much for the motivating comment. Take care and have a great weekend!
God bless you.
ChrisP ..."Stand up for what you believe in-even if it means standing alone."
~DREAM BIG~