Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
‘Congratulations,’ says the nurse to the new parents.
‘Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
‘Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white, so I think we will name him…
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I’m sure we have all had some interesting first dates but this beats any of my stories.
If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! Many of us have had bad dates, but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter… snowing and quite cold…and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun, the skiing great, the coffee hot. The day was uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and, to top it off, they were in the middle of nowhere!
Her companion recognized her discomfort, and suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender!
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about ‘what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her bottom off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down.’
‘Did you ever see the young man again?’
asked Mr. Leno.
‘I married him,’ was the reply. ‘He’s sitting right here next to me.’
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’
He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’
‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’
Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
‘I said, ‘No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’
‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’
‘No, I don’t,’ I said.
He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’
‘No,’ I said
He looked at me and said,….’Then, why do you even give a s***?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
POTENTIALLY vs REALISTICALLY
A young boy went up to his father and said, “Dad, the teacher gave us an assignment to determine the difference between potentially and realistically.
Can you help me?” The father thought for a moment, then answered. “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that.” So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”
The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The girl replied, “Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!”
The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” “Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between potentially and
realistically?”
The boy replied, “Yes… Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars………….. But Realistically,……… We’re living with two s**** and a g** g**.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)
Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST
I was the white guy with the Red Detroit Red Wings jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my Wife. You also asked for my Wife’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.
I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my Wife had just bought me that Kimberly 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?
I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your Credit Card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
- Huchi
Master Sergeant of Marines (Retired)
Master Sergeant
H. T. Huchil
2 comments to JOKES TO DISPEL MONDAY BLUES
-
Unknown ;-) Me too!!! I thought I'd save the best for last. Great to see you here again, Crankster. Hope you are doing fine there ...Take care and God bless you.
Thanks for swinging by..
hugs
Ruthie I loved the last one about the mugging. :)