masterwordsmith-unplugged

As a young girl, I had always wanted to play the piano as my cousins were brilliant pianists but my parents disapproved and wanted to me to concentrate on my studies. After my sixth form exam, I started tutoring to earn pocket money and to save to buy an organ. Then in my second year at uni, I took Music Appreciation under Prof. Dr. Tan Sooi Beng and another friend from church gave me lessons at a token rate. Before I graduated, I had saved enough to buy an organ. Thereafter, I took formal music lessons under Mr. Kam Teck Chee who has since migrated to Canada. After I passed the Yamaha Grade 8, 7 and 6 exams, I started teaching the Electone School for Children's Course (ESFC) at one of the Yamaha centres.

In 1986, I took the Teachers' Grade for Yamaha (Grade 5) and attained 63%. A pass was 75%. I took it again at the end of the year and attained 74%. I was completely crushed because I had spent so much money booking the studio for practices and it was extremely stressful doing the exam on my own with a bit of help from an old friend who is famous for his most caustic and toxic criticisms. I had two choices - to take the exam again or to move on in life. Of course I chose the latter.

Following that, I wanted to play the piano and more specifically, to play like Boon Leng, Karen and Sharon Cheah (Singapore), Daniel(Hoong Ern) Chan (Penang), Eunice Chan(US) and Ricky - all of whom are famous, accomplished and gifted musicians in their own right. So each time we had a band practice, I would stand by the grand piano and watched closely how their fingers flew up and down the keyboard, registering in my mind the various techniques of improvisation used. Patiently, I would record jam sessions or sing along sessions after dinner parties at my home and then listen to understand the mood, flow and technicalities involved. In short, I learnt to play the piano by ear. And then I moved on to composing my own music, of which one song "All Praise and Glory Be To The Lamb" was recorded a few years ago in the album "Show Us Your Glory" by Island Song. In the last few years, I have not written that many songs but more poems and other stuff.

If I had become bitter with my failure in the Grade 5 Yamaha exam, I would not be where I am today - I can play any song by ear and do the accompaniment reasonably well in a jazz or sentimental style...er not rock though for I reserve heavy metal, rock and blues for the my guitars and to compose at my leisure...You see, failure is one of those life experiences most of us would rather not encounter. Generally we tend to connect failure with intense self-condemnation and inner criticism. Believe me, I used to be good at that but lately, I have learnt not to be so hard on myself, and not to be a tragedy queen :-).

The fear of failure is so strong that we may fail to focus on inner dreams because of past failures. We would rather not fail again. It’s easier to say, “Oh well, I tried” then to view failure as what it really is: an expected component in the process of change.

Frankly, failure is so difficult to forget because it can reinforce limiting beliefs that we already hold about ourselves such as:

• I’m not good enough to have what I want.

• I can’t have what I want.

• I’m not good enough. I am basically a bad person, and this is the reason for my failure.

• I’m powerless, hopeless and useless, to effect change.

• My needs and desires will not ever be met

It’s often painful to face a belief rising to the surface that suggests we are unworthy or unacceptable. Somewhere in our lifetimes, the word failure became synonymous with the word “loser.”

There’s often great embarrassment and even shame for grownups to have this experience of failure. Yet as children we repeatedly allowed ourselves to fail. Without failure none of us would have learned how to walk, talk, write, or even ride a bicycle. As adults, we shy away from new experiences to avoid risking failure.

Truth about Failure

“Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.” – Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss Psychiatrist

The obstacles, setbacks and stumbling blocks are an anticipated aspect of any journey telling us to adjust the plan or to try a new approach. It is essential to success. While it’s certainly a giant leap to welcome failure with open arms, perhaps we can begin with acceptance that failure is a natural aspect of every ultimately successful journey.

The only true failure is when we concede defeat and absolutely give up. Failure is when we beat ourselves up and learn nothing from our setbacks.

Confucius is quoted as saying, “Our greatest glory is in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” If we embrace our failures along with our successes, learning from each, we will grow and achieve. The only people who do not fail are those who fail to try.

Henry Ford went bankrupt 3 times before he created a car that worked. Colonel Sanders was 65 years old when he tried to sell his chicken recipe. He took this recipe to over 1,000 restaurants before he found a buyer. Walt Disney spoke with over 297 banks before he was able to attain a loan for his successful dream.

Did you know that successful people fail more often than unsuccessful people? In fact, they fail over and over and over again but these failures provide learning experiences to gain wisdom and experience.

As we go about the process of achieving a goal or dream, we will run into all sorts of obstacles, limitations and setbacks. Why? Because we don’t know how to do whatever it is we are trying to do. On top of that, we don’t believe we can actually have what is wanted.

Encountering obstacles, even a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, doesn’t prove we can’t have what is wanted. We’ve simply reached the edge of a boundary. Not knowing how to do something can threaten self-esteem and confidence. This is where expansion of the spirit is possible.

What do we tell ourselves when we find ourselves facing a failure? Simple. Just convert threats into opportunities. We can learn how to allow support from above and below. Admitting we don’t know the next step (but we’ll know soon) demonstrates faith in ourselves and faith in being supported.

To be successful, we need to design an alternative paradigm for failure. We must see whatever happens not as failure, but as “information” and include it in a revised plan to improve ourselves. Then we can stand strong once again in our original desire and dream, while determining how to best adjust the plan and the next action step.

With failure, we can derive a deeper appreciation of self and love for self and open our hearts even further. We can view failure as evidence of our inherent internal flaws as a human being. We can look to find the emotional and spiritual lessons embedded within the failure.

To be human is to experience failure. Nothing is, or ever was, wrong with who we are.

Failure can guide us toward a leap of faith. We are capable, ultimately, of overcoming any obstacle, any problem or any situation connected with our dream. From within we can find the courage to walk toward what we really want in life.

We can learn to encourage and support ourselves through the good times and especially the bad times. An entire new set of skills is being learned.

When an occasional failure is experienced — get up, dust yourself off, access the new information, believe in yourself and begin again. I’m doing that now and know that I will move on after a failure…..and so will you…

May God bless you and may each failure be turned into a golden opportunity for improvement...